Consultation 2.

“Hello, God.” A woman with light blue hair politely greeted me with a rather innocent expression.

“What’s your stupid problem? Make it quick. You have five words to explain.” I didn’t buy into that innocent expression of hers in the slightest. Any woman who comes to me for life counseling is a woman who’s rotten to the core.

“CEO. Me. Wanna abandon children,” she explained with pure eyes.

“Hah?”

“You said I had five words so I did my best to encompass my problem in that.”

“Please elaborate.”

Her innocent demeanor disappeared and her face morphed into the typical washed up women I was used to dealing with. “Tch. And I thought you’d be something great when my friend recommended your services to me. When I heard the brilliant advice you gave her, I really thought you might be a genius who could solve even my problem.”

“Just fuck off and explain already.”

“Fine. You see I’m a CEO. When I was drunk one time I had sex with some random loser and bore his child. Essentially, I want to not have to deal with them anymore.”

“Why don’t you just take them out to sea on a yacht and when they’re asleep tie cinder blocks to their feet and throw them overboard? Just let them sleep with the fishes and your pesky problem is gone just like that.”

“...”

“That was a joke of course.”

“A joke? How can you say such a thing was a joke?”

Oh? A woman with common sense to realize what I said was an awful thing?

“It’s good that you understand my advice is crap. You should get lost, I only give shitty life counseling like my title as a god suggests.”

“Shitty? In what way was that shitty? Your advice is… bloody brilliant. Why didn’t I think of such a solution sooner? My friend was really telling the truth, you just can’t get top-notch advice like this from those normal life counselors. You really are a god.”

“No, wait. Stop. Seriously, you can’t do-”

Slam.

She was already gone.

I banged my head on the desk in front of me. My stupid advice. Damn it! Why can’t I just keep my mouth shut?