Consultation 39.

“I want to have sex with God.”

“No.”

“Eh~ What do you mean no~”

“Fuck off.”

“Why not?”

“Because I said no.”

“Come on, just a bit. Even if you just insert the tip is fine.”

“Look, there’s nothing I can do about this. You’ve booked a consultation with the wrong god. There is a god that can be booked specifically for this. He’s known as the God of Defective Washed Up Waifus Who Want to Have Sex with God.”

“What? Isn’t that you?”

“No, you idiot. That’s a different god altogether. I’m the God of Shitty Life Counseling for Defective Washed Up Waifus. Sex services are not part of my job description.”

“What? But I specifically told them I wanted to book with the God of Defective Washed Up Waifus Who Want to Have Sex with God.”

“Huh? You did?”

“Yeah, I’m sure I did.”

“Give me a second.”

I took out my phone and texted the Goddess of Reception, ‘The client I have now said they booked a consultation with the God of Defective Washed Up Waifus Who Want to Have Sex with God. Why is she with me? What’s going on here?’

A minute later I received a reply, ‘Sorry, I messed up and double-booked the God of Defective Washed Up Waifus Who Want to Have Sex with God. I’ll get my pay cut if they find out I messed up my one job. Can you please cover for me?’

‘There’s no fucking chance in hell I’m going to do that. Absolutely not! Fix this. Now!’

‘There’s really no way to fix this.’

‘Just refund her and rebook her appointment with the correct god.’

‘I can’t do that. He doesn’t have an open time slot for another year. His queue is far more backed up than yours. Just take one for the team.’

‘You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. A year-long wait? Like I care, just rebook it.’

‘Please, I’m begging you, I can’t afford a pay cut!’

‘I don’t give a shit. I’m not paid to have sex with my clients. I have the right to refuse unsafe work. Who knows what sort of crazy bitches I’d have on my back if I had sex with them. They could start stalking me and stab me in the back one day when I’m walking home after a long day at work.’

‘Who cares about your safety? This is about my paycheck!’

“Hey, God.”

“What?” I looked back up and froze.

“Can we hurry up and get started?”

She’d stripped down to her birthday suit while I was bickering with the Goddess of Reception through text.

“Put your clothes back on. It seems there was a double booking and the receptionist fearing a pay cut tried to dump you on me. Look, she will rebook your appointment and refund you. Your appointment with the God of Defective Washed Up Waifus Who Want to Have Sex with God.”

”Oh? So it was a mistake on your side after all?”

“Yeah, sorry about that. But because of it, you can at least get a free consultation with the god you actually wanted to see. Though you might have to wait a while.”

“To be honest, I don’t really care which god it is, I just want to have sex with a god. I also don’t want to wait any longer. Since you’ve admitted that it was your side’s fault you should take responsibility for it.”

“Huh? Wait, what? No no no. Things don’t work like that around here. There are rules that need to be followed.”

“I don’t care about rules, I only care about God’s cock fucking my brains out and skewering my body.”

With a constipated expression on my face, I rolled backward in my chair away from my desk cautiously making sure to not make any sudden movements. A predator had locked onto me. Sweat rolled down my back and I gulped. There has to be a way out of this. Think. Think. Think.

Crap, why can’t I think of anything? What about passing her off to a friend or something? Friend? Haha. Who am I kidding here? Do I even have any friends among gods that are male? All I deal with are troublesome women.

I opened up Godslist, the god’s equivalent to Craigslist for humans, and immediately put up an SOS post. ‘Looking for a sexy bad god who wants a good time asap! ;p W4M. No strings attached.’

Please, someone. Save me.

“God, why do you keep looking at only your phone? Look at me more.”

When I glanced up at her, she’d crawled on top of my desk. She squished her oversized cow tits against the desk beneath her with lustful eyes.

This is bad. This might be my greatest pinch to date.

Slam!

My headshot to the side when the door slammed open. Could it be my post yielded results? With great hope, I examined my savior, but I was at a loss for words when I realized who it was. Rather, it wasn’t just who it was that caught me off guard, it was the oversized dildo in her hand. Wait… what was that red… ah. I felt my balls shrivel up and recede into my body faster than the speed of light when I realized it was not actually a dildo in her hand like I’d initially presumed.

“Goddess Husbandos? What are you... doing here?”

“I was passing by and overheard you were in a bit of a pickle because the Goddess of Reception messed up with a double booking.”

“Huh? Uh, yeah… that’s right.”

“I came to help.”

“You came to help… would your help be related to… the thing in your hand.”

“Yes, I borrowed it from the God of Defective Washed Up Waifus Who Want to Have Sex with God.” She said it like it was no big deal as a drop of blood dripped down to the ground.

I gulped and dryly asked her, “When you say borrow…”

“I chopped it off and told him I’d return it to him when we’re done with it. It was supposed to be his client after all. He should take care of it even if it was a double booking.”

“I… I see.”

She stepped into the room and came to a stop in front of the bitch in heat on top of my desk.

“What is the meaning of this? I want a god, not a goddess~”

“Look, you’ll get exactly what you wanted.”

Goddess Husbandos smacked her across the face with the severed erect cock dripping blood from the base. As it belonged to a god it could remain in that state even if it was cut off. It could also easily be reattached, but seeing this sort of scene was something I’d really rather not.

Rather than get mad, the cow on top of my desk had an ecstatic look on her face.

“It’s exactly what you want, you bitch in heat, a God’s cock.” Slap. Slap. Slap. She waved the severed cock in her hand from side to side repeatedly smacking her across the cheeks.

“Open wide.”

“Yesh.”

“It’s yes master you swine.”

“Yesh mashter.”

“Good, I’ll reward you now.”

I watched in horror, hiding away in a corner, not wanting to get involved in the slightest. What the hell is with this scenario? I don’t have this sort of weird fetish.

Slurp. Schloooop. Scrup…

Something straight out of a porno played out before my listless eyes. It took thirty minutes for Goddess Husbandos to have my client sprawled out on the ground with an ahegao face. She’d been filled to the brim with semen and by the end, she’d been begging for mercy.

“Do you promise to never have any designs for the wrong god again?”

“Yesh mashter. Only mashter can satisfy me.” With her tongue hung out dangling to one side, semen spilled out her mouth.”

Not bothering to allow her to get dressed or clean herself up, Goddess Husbandos picked my client up and tossed her over one shoulder before she proceeded to the exit.

“I’ll see you later. I’ve got to return this to the God of Defective Washed Up Waifus Who Want to Have Sex with God.” She cooly said with her back to me as she waved the cock in her hand from side to side.

“Uh, yeah. Thanks for the assistance… I guess…”

“No problem. If you ever need help, don’t be afraid to give me a call.”

No, thank you. I’ll definitely find a way to deal with this shit myself next time.