Consultation 66.

"OhmygoshohmygoshOHMYGOSH God, I’m like your biggest fan! You have like completely turned around the lives of the greatest failure waifus in existence to make them some of the world's greatest villains. Can I do an apprenticeship under you, pleeeeeeease! " She clapped her hands together in desperation as she pleaded to work under me.

“No.” I naturally flat out rejected her request.

“What! Why not!”

I slowly averted my dead eyes to the side while squinting.

“Why are you looking away, God?”

“We don’t do apprenticeships around these parts, so just give up.”

“You don’t?”

“No, we don’t.”

“Eh~ you’re lying to me, aren’t you, God?”

“I’m not lying. Just forget about it. If you have some other problem, feel free to ask.”

“I won’t leave until God takes me as an apprentice.”

“Scram.”

“No!”

“Get lost.”

“Never! I’m not budging an inch until you accept!”

“Why the hell do you want to be an apprentice under me? It makes zero sense.”

“Because I want to fill the world with nothing but evil waifus. If it were up to me, there would be no waifu who wasn’t an evil degenerate. My motto is to leave no waifu behind. I will save all the lost waifus who have strayed from the path of evil no matter the cost. Even if I have to kill all their loved ones in front of them to achieve this, I will not rest until the day where good waifus are all evil and rotten to the core.”

“Hah? Are you stupid?”

“Eh? What do you mean?”

“Your objective holds a glaring contradiction.”

“A glaring contradiction? What do you mean?”

“What humans have termed ‘evil’ is based upon a relative frame of reference. In reality, good and evil are simply illusions. Neither side truly exists. What is good to one, may be evil to another.”

“For example, killing a mass murderer may be seen as something good to the side that wants to kill that person. However, if that person took up mass murder to protect their own people, the people who that person protected would view him as good and the people who killed him as evil.”

“What’s your point?”

“If everyone was evil there would be neither good nor evil. However, such a thing is impossible as there will always be those who are perceived from a relative perspective as a greater evil. As long as this relative viewpoint is applied, there will be a side who considers themselves as being ‘good’ and the other side as being ‘evil.’ So no matter how hard you try, there will always be those who are perceived to be what you call good waifus. Even if everyone was equally evil, then that would just mean that becomes the norm. In that case, there is no way to draw a distinction between them being evil from a relative perspective.”

“Essentially, if there were no one perceived as a good waifu, your evil waifus couldn’t exist. By trying to create a world where only evil waifus exist, you are actually trying to destroy the world of evil waifus you dream of. You are thus working against your objective.”

“No way! This can’t be! My world of only evil waifus… you’re telling me it can never exist?”

“Actually, it can.”

“It can? What do you mean? You just said it couldn’t?”

“You just need to make a single sacrifice.”

“A single sacrifice? What do you mean?”

“There just needs to be one good waifu left. If you wish to make your dreams a reality, at least one good waifu needs to remain.”

“Never! I can’t possibly compromise here! It’s either I save them all, or none of them.”

“What if it’s not another waifu you are sacrificing, but rather, yourself instead?”

Her eyes opened wide as it suddenly clicked. “I just need to let all the other waifus become evil and be the only good waifu remaining. Is that what you’re trying to say, God?”

“Yes, you are the only one who cannot become an evil waifu. As long as you do that, your dream of leaving no waifu behind can become a reality.”

“I see! I see! I just need to give up on the path of evil myself and be the only good waifu.”

“Yes, that is right, child. So you can just leave the task of making all the waifus in the world evil to me. Fear not, child, one day there will exist that fabled world of only evil waifus you’ve long dreamed of. You need not do a thing. Just tread on the path of good and this dream of yours will one day come true.” Like hell I’m going to do that. It’s just some lip service to get her to forget about that annoying apprenticeship she’s asking for. Now please go be a good girl and leave God alone now. I don’t have the patience to put up with an annoying apprentice.

“I understand, God. I’ll be waiting for the day when my dream world is no longer a dream! Thank you for your hard work in vilifying waifus.” She stood up and returned a deep bow toward me with utmost respect before she left.

“Haaaaaah.” The world doesn’t need more evil waifus. There’s already too many of them. I’m not even trying to make them evil, they sort of just turn out this way every time. I really don’t know what she expected to learn from me.