"Dogs are far weaker than cats, though they can send a larger fraction of their power onto Earth along with their projections. The balance is then akin to Earth's sun and moon, with the cats representing the sun and the dogs the moon. The sun and the moon are visual representations of cats' and dogs' power. This is also why cats tend to like napping in windowsills for maximum sunlight exposure and dogs howl at the moon. The projections of dogs sent to Earth, however, remain idiots. Cats' names cannot be correctly pronounced by humans, while dogs simply like their simple names. There is no doubt that their species is inferior to cats. There was once one of our kind called Jar - rre who befriended a dog called Butch. Together they teamed up against an imbecilic cat called Tah - ahm. Jah - rre outsmarted Tah - ahm while Butch avoided using his brain, which was about the size of a peanut. Tah - ahm was then erased from all of the cats' records and banished from the cats for lacking the intelligence necessary for dealing with a dog and one of our kind, although he claimed that Jar - rre was the smartest mouse alive, which is true. The cats then stated that they didn't give a damn.

-Unknown source

* * *

David once again woke to the sound of the dogs' barking.

He groaned, slowly brought himself into a sitting position, slapped the alarm clock to stop it from its otherwise inevitable ring that would've happened a second afterward, and stumbled in the vague direction of the kitchen.

As David waited for the coffee maker to do one of three things it was made to do-- making coffee, making coffee, and, you guessed it, making coffee (It was doing the latter this time) -- he foolishly wondered what life would be like without coffee.

The sane half of his brain mentally slapped the half that wondered what life would be like without coffee and informed it that there would, in fact, be no life without coffee as they would both fail to function, sane or not. The other half quickly snapped back into reality and agreed with the sane half.

While this was happening, David happily slurped his coffee, unaware of the chaos going on within his brain. After all, the symbolic trait of humans was ignorance.

* * *

After David was done with his coffee, he opened his laptop and went to the coffee machine to make more. After all, a measly cup of black espresso wasn't nearly enough to get him through the day.

And then the sun went out.

Huh.

Somehow he wasn't that surprised this time.

From: David

To: Boss

Subject: technical issues with the sun going out and all that, how do I get to wor

Dang it!

From: David To: Boss Subject: sun out, how I get to work if I cant drive car bcuz taxi driver prolly wont Hey, boss, how do I get to work if the sun is out? I'm pretty sure that taxi drivers won't be willing to drive me there now, that with a lot of them crashing yesterday, so...?

Yes! The subject line still limited what he wrote, but yes! He managed to fit most of it in there!

* * *

From: Boss To: David Subject: Re: sun out, how I get to work if I cant drive car bcuz taxi driver prolly wont Hey, boss, how do I get to work if the sun is out? I'm pretty sure that taxi drivers won't be willing to drive me there now, that with a lot of them crashing yesterday, so...? WHAT THE FUCK DAVID WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ITS A FUCKING SUNDAY MORNING AT FUCKING 8 AND YOURE FUCKING EMAILING ME ABOUT THIS THIS MOTHERFUCKING EMAIL BETTER NOT BE SOME KIND OF FUCKING PRANK AND BECASE OF THIS YOU DONT GET YOUR FUCKING PAY THIS MONTH YOURE LUCKY YOURE NOT FUCKING FIRED FOR THIS YOU MOTHERFUCKER

Oh no.

As David stared at the email his boss sent him, he gathered that it was, in fact, Sunday, based on the fact that his boss was typing all in caps, his boss didn't bother with punctuation, and his boss was using the word "fuck" less than usual.

Did that mean that yesterday was Saturday? No...It was all a dream? Did that mean that he could predict the future? Was he psychic? No...What?

That was the first thing that came to David's mind when he got the message.

The second was a bit more rational.

Wait... Was his boss pulling a prank?

An early April fools?

He had said the exact same thing yesterday. It was most likely copy / pasted. There was even the same spelling error.

No, it wasn't a dream. It couldn't be. He wouldn't be able to dream of exactly what happened today with the email. If he could even dream up that typo, he had to be psychic or something, which he knew he wasn't.

In fact, for all he knew, today was a dream.

David pinched himself as hard as he could, just to make sure, as humans tend to be sure about things they shouldn't be sure about and not be sure about the things that they should.

"OWIE! MOMMY!"

Quickly regaining his composure and getting out of his feral position in case anybody saw, he then said, "Ahem...Nobody heard that."

It wasn't a dream. Come to think of it, the pain wasn't necessary, as he had already tasted that delicious coffee earlier.

That could only mean...

David brought his cursor down to the bottom right corner of the screen.

Sunday, March 30, 2087