While waiting for the UI to adjust to my brainwaves, I start the interface to our public gateway.

[Connection blocked - No access to external systems during tutorial phase]

Figures.

Without warning, my view explodes into colour. I can feel wind on my face, unrelenting in it’s coldness, rushing past me at absurd velocities. I’m zooming through a vast void towards a great red sphere, it’s corona crackling with energy. At the last moment before slamming into the craggy surface I level out, flashing down a trench. Every few seconds I’m forced to dodge blasts of power as I cling to the contours of the crimson valley. As suddenly as I started, I break off, straight away from the ground plane. I’m now aimed at a much larger white sphere. Around it, I can see a green and blue orb, similar to the one I’d just left behind. As I close in on it, my world goes white, and text appears in front of me.

[Welcome to the world below. Create your own legend, be what you want to be, live the way you were meant to live. You are home.]

Soon, colour bleeds into my vision. Blues, yellows and browns coalesce into a desert landscape. Sand as far as I can see, perfectly blue skies, the tyranny of the sun blasting down on me. Except I didn’t actually feel warm. I look at my hands and realise I haven’t got any. No body at all.

“Don’t worry brother. You’ve safely arrived.”

A voice, emanating from all around me. English accent, but the rough kind. Vinnie Jones or that Roth guy. I notice a glowfly floating in front of me.

“That’s right, in front of your nose. It’s damn good to meet you.”

I try to speak, ask it about what’s happening or what to do. I’ve been through my share of weird tutorials, but most of the time I get at least a little agency.

“It’s alright mate, you’re safe. Don’t be such a wally. You’ve got the mind power to adjust to this environment, you just gotta take the time to let it all sink in.”

I relax, running through numbers in my mind. One plus one is two. Two plus two is four. When I reach six digits, the glowfly begins growing. Shortly, it’s turned into a 2d sprite of a scruffy looking man in a trenchcoat. He grins at me, perfectly white teeth with black outlines, then withdraws a cigarette from his hat, lighting it in a practised motion.

“That is so much fucking better. I hate being discorporated.”

He lifts the cigarette up to his mouth, sucking on it like he owes it money, letting the smoke out with a satisfied sound.

“Of course, you’re understanding that pretty well as we speak, so lets not dally, eh? Time for you to pick your avatar. Just as a point of note, the adaptive algorithm that governs this place, we call it Prime, it’s already dug through your brain, yeah? It knows a lot about what you like and what you don’t like. You’ll see a selection of options over there soon. You can pick one of them, or you can ask for the extended list.”

He leans in conspiratorially.

“But between you and me brother, I recommend one of the offered choices. Prime can be a right wanker when it’s proven wrong.”

He points towards a sand dune, and a large stone rises from the sand. Music starts playing in the background, sort of punk with a dirty guitar overlay. Materialising from one end of the stone is a perfect specimen of man. Ripped, tall, tan. No hair anywhere but his head. As he gets to the centre he flexes, what looks like a python dances around his arm as his muscles play. I’m impressed by the accuracy of the algorithm. It takes a special kind of ability to score zero on a multiple choice question like this.

The guide shrugs.

“Fair enough, I picked this guy. can’t blame a bloke for trying, eh?”

The musclebound mountain gets up, flexes one more time, then walks off to the right. I’m still processing the image when I see a giant spider materialise, getting in position to pounce. Clearly a hunting spider, it’s long front legs ended in sharp tools. A pair of smaller appendages hung from under its head, and I realise there are hands attached to them.

“This one’s called a Narach spider. Not a very popular choice, but there are people who enjoy playing as a sentient predatory spider.”

I’d shake my head if I had one, but I had to admit it was an interesting proposition. I could do a lot with that kind of body, strong natural weapons and climbing ability. Sadly, it was an obligate carnivore, which doesn’t lend itself to the playstyle I wanted. It skitters off to the side with little ceremony. A parade of strange creatures cross my path. Centaur seemed too unwieldy. Spore creature seemed too circumstantial. A weird levitating caped creature with tentacles hanging below it was far outside my comfort zone despite any potential bonuses, although I took a cheeky screenshot for Mika to enjoy later. In the end, it came down to three choices. An undead creature, which meant less upkeep for food and drink, and no need to worry about stuff like breathing. A dwarf, stocky and powerful, which would come in handy for the hard work in front of me. And lastly, a human/dryad hybrid. Essentially sexless, it had a green tint to it’s skin, could subsist on water and sunlight for a long time, and had an affinity with nature. I quickly made my choice, and my point of view shot forwards, right into the skull of the greenchild.

I blink a few times, trying to get used to the sensation of having a body again. I take a deep breath, enjoying the feel of hot, dry air. The place smelled like sand, and everything was way too warm. I’m pretty sure I can feel myself burning. Other than that, I felt great. I had so much energy, I could do anything.

“Well done mate, it looks like you found a new home.”

I turn around and see my new friend has changed again. In the sprites place stood a three dimensional block character. His hands were cubes, his feet were cubes, his face was a sprite.

“You look like shit.”

He laughs.

“First words in a new world. Well done brother, I think you’ll go far. I’d shake your hand, but..”

He raises a cube. I respond by raising a fist. We awkwardly fist bump, and he laughs again.

“I like you mate. I’d even consider giving you a go if you had something more interesting between your legs. I’m not one to question the Prime, but why would you pick a sexless half dryad?”

I shrug, offering a half smile.

“Less distractions, and the bonuses outweigh the downsides. Besides, I prefer someone a bit curvier than you.”

His laugh is infectious, and we fist bump again.

“So I’m supposed to put you through your paces here. Lots of body work, move around, try to jump, pick shit up and all that. Can you just shift about a bit so I can tick off the box?”

The controls, as it were, was simply using a body. It was weird using a body that wasn’t mine, but not hard, just different. The trick seems to be to not think about it.

“Well done. And now, let’s chat about how you’d like to play this game, live this life.”

I raise an eyebrow, and he blows a ring of smoke into the air.

“So there are certain paths to take through this world. The one you pick decides a part of who you are, what you learn and what you experience. Let's say you like fighting. You pick the path of blood and honour. Your life begins to revolve around fighting, around meeting hostile people, damsels in distress and all that noise. You gain skills relating to fighting and honourable actions, and you get pretty much what’s on the tin. Or if you’re a more sciency guy, you can pick the path of natural philosophy. Same kind of result, you’ll find more science stuff happens to you. Now keep in mind, these things could still happen on any path, it just increases the likelihood. If you prefer to be surprised, there’s the path of the Jack of all Trades. It’s a bit wishy washy, but anything can happen. I don’t really recommend that if you have any goals in mind.”

I consider this a moment.

“I’d like to follow the path of Soil and Water.”

He clumps his cubes together in what I assume is a clap. In front of my eyes, he transforms again, this time into a real person. Five o’clock shadow, grey fedora, grey trench coat, Marlboro in his mouth, permanent scowl yet somehow still smiling.

“Congratulations, you’re nearly synchronised! It’s not unusual with you gamer types. You ready to start the crafting and combat tutorials?”

The next hour consists of us digging through the desert sand searching for resources to build tools out of. I find a dead creature near an oasis, it’s skin sunken in the desert heat, and I use it’s bones with some rocks to craft a makeshift hammer. With the hammer I manage to craft a pickax, which allows me to form a better stone for making a shovel. Soon I’ve got a nice toolkit on me, with a nice bag crafted out of the skin remnants.

“Well done mate, sped right through that one, didn’t you?”

There’s something about his grin I’m not comfortable with. Is he hitting on me again, or.. I turn around, drawing the pickax from my back. Moving towards me at great speed is a scorpion the size of a large dog. It’s stinger is dripping with green fluid that throws up a puff of smoke wherever it hits the sand. With an overhead swing, I strike the out sized arachnid right in it’s cephalothorax, piercing it with a cracking sound.

[You have lost your grip on the pickax]

[You have been struck for 20% damage]

It pinches my thigh before I have the chance to move away, giving me a solid taste of the kind of pain this world has to offer. I keep my distance as I draw the hammer, hoping for more luck. One on one combat was never my strong suit, considering my previous class experience. Channelling my inner Rain, I step into the scorpions pincer, feeling it lock onto my leg. At the same time, we shatter each other. I crack its shell, exposing soft innards. It breaks my leg, giving me a solid debuff and heavy damage.

[You have been pinched for 16% damage]

[You have received a debuff: Broken leg. Mobility reduced. Constant pain inflicted.]

Shit. I’m pretty sure I could kill it off, if I had one more attack, but the hammer is a short range weapon. Left with no other option, I retrieve my shovel, pushing at the monster to keep it at bay. With difficulty, I shove it far enough away that I get the chance to perform an overhead swing, slamming the edge of the shovel right into the insectoid brain, finally putting our disagreement to rest. My guide claps slowly, constantly puffing on his cigarette.

“I knew you had it in you lad. Congratulations, you’ve passed the tutorial! Now, normally, I’d have to put you through another test, the ripcord test, but I suspect you already know about it, don’t you?”

I nod.

“The ripcord is the emergency logout system built into the world below. If I ever need to exit in a hurry, all I have to do is focus on the handle, mentally pull it, and I’ll be ejected safely out into the world above.”

“Yep. Nothing more to it. And considering your particular situation, I’m going to bypass that particular test. Don’t want you to go through that prep again, do we?”

I scrunch my face up in confusion.

“How do you know about that?”

“Brother, I know everything.”

He laughs at my discomfort.

“No, I’m just pulling your leg. Part of the logon sequence is Prime scanning your mind, your short term memories. It’s how we know what kind of options to show you, saving all of us a bit of time. It’s all confidential, so don’t worry about us telling your buff friend how you really feel about him.”

He winks as I’m beginning to feel fed up with his over the top approaches.

“So what’s next then?”

He approaches me, offering a cigarette. I accept it, and he gives me a light.

“Next up is you pick a name, something I can call you. My name, for instance, is Rezzer. I can tell you already that your friends have picked the names Stompsmash and Rainbringer.”

“Yeah, I guessed. It’s their default names for online games. You can call me TeeCee.”

We shake on it, then he leads me to the nearby oasis where we sit down for a bit, finishing our smokes.

“There’s not much else to do here. I’ll send you on your way when you’re ready. But first I’m gonna give you this. It’s customary for guides to give their charges a gift when they pass the tutorial.”

He rummages through his trenchcoat, picking out various items. A deck of cards made from metal, a small doll of himself, something that looked like a small hide balloon at first. Then he pulls out a twig, which he hands to me. I accept it, smiling.

“This is awesome! What is it?”

He rolls his eyes at me.

“Have you never seen a dowsing rod before? It’ll help you find water wherever you go. I’m thinking that kind of thing is gonna be very useful for your career going forwards.”

I look closer at the branch. It’s a foot long, smooth and unbarked. Thinner around than my thumb, but remarkably resilient.

[Rezzers dowsing rod]

Cool. I stand up and get ready to enter the game.

“Where am I going to end up when I start? Will I be close to my friends?”

“I think I’m going to send you to a smaller village as a starting point. Your friends will probably be sent somewhere else though, since they want a more adventurous experience. Don’t worry, you’ll be on the same continent, and this will give you the chance to get started before you meet up. Maybe you can preemptively earn Rains forgiveness.”

He winks at the last statement. I’m about to reply something snarky when the world begins to blur. A shock of green light emanates from Rezzer, and soon the world fades back in, denoting my first entry into the world below.