Consciousness slowly crept over me. The first thing I noticed was how difficult it was to breath. My stomach churned bringing me back to reality. I needed to eat. Sensing I was awake Doug lifted his head and I finally realized why it was so hard to get any air. He had wrapped himself in a ball around me keeping me warm. The waterfall hiding the entrance to this naturally formed cave misted everything in sight. We’d have to go through it to get out.

Leaving the warmth of the ball Doug had formed I grabbed my pack. My favourite hoodie was stained pink with blood, but it was still one of the warmer things I could wear. On top of it I pulled on my blue waterproof shell before taking care to reseal my pack tightly. It should be waterproof. With the worst of the biting cold thwarted it was time to tackle the waterfall. I forgoed pants since we’d need to wade through. The icy water made me gasp and I nearly slipped on the smooth slick stones underneath. Gripping onto Doug’s fur. I paused just before the waterfall mentally preparing myself for what was coming.

Water splashed my face and seeped down my chest causing me to shiver and nearly freeze up. On the other side of the water the pool got deeper dropping me to waist height. Doug stopped moving the moment we were on the other side and I had to pull on him several times before he waded with me to shore.

It was a beautiful summer morning. The smell of pollen was thick in the air, and a wonderful perfume compared to where we’d just been. I had to squint against the light but Doug seemed to have it worse. He looked like he was struggling to adjust to the light, constantly closing his eyes. I draped my waterproof shell over his head to act as a hood. It seemed to give him some reprieve while he sniffed the air.

With no towel to dry myself my pants quickly grew damp. Around us were young trees and a thick matt of underbrush. Riverstone’s scattered the banks. I sat on the largest one, trying to stay in the morning sun.

The fresh air healed my frayed nerves and calmed my churning hunger for a moment. Only the music of the waterfall, the bubbling river, and birdsong surrounded me. Some birds I almost recognized, but most I’d never heard. There were small animal paths along one side of the bank, some simple tunnels in the brush, but nothing big enough for a human to walk on. We were lucky, it meant nothing would find us here.

Doug was sitting on the bank where I’d left him, still draped in my blue jacket. His wet coat glistened in the morning sun. He was massive, the size of a small horse, but now that I could see him clearly it was evident how emaciated he was. His gaze fell on me for a moment before he continued sniffing, trying to catch every scent that past him.

Despite the biting chill and gnawing hunger, a giant smile made its home on my face. We did it. We survived. Here we sat in the morning light of a new day. Never again. What ever power I discovered back there in the dark, I’d hone as my weapon. I would never let someone take my freedom again.

As the blue sky deepened and the sun grew stronger my hunger returned. Doug’s eyes had finally adjusted to the bright light and without even a backwards glance he slid through the thick branches. He made no sound. A nagging fear that it would be the last time I saw him crept inside me, but I cast it from my mind. He had the right idea. Lets find food.

I laid out my solar charger in the sunbeam beside me and pulled out my phone. Having it turn on again gave me a sense of comfort. It was foolish to hope I’d have some reception here, but it still stung when I saw I was out of service signal.

Before I’d gone backpacking, I’d loaded my phone with different survival guides and books I’d pirated online. I think I even had something on star chart navigation. With a book on foraging at the ready I set upon the underbrush looking for ANYTHING I could put in my stomach. By mid day I had filled my stomach with several berries, a raw mushroom that I hoped was correctly identified, and several roots. I had a bundle of more that were only edible when boiled waiting. With the worst of the hunger abated I set upon my pack again.

My family had gifted me over the years many tiny ‘survival’ kits since I loved the little things. I pulled out a multipurpose one. It had a metal punch card full of different tools, some arrow heads, things for making snares, and little fishing hooks. I punched out a small hook and tied it to some fishing wire I had spooled in there.

After so many weeks underground nearly starving, my body was frail, and my legs could barely hold me. I left most of my things on this side of the bank and carefully crossed the shallower part of the river taking care not to trip on the slippery stones. Across the river, and further downstream it got deeper. Tying a small weight to the hook and snagging a worm I’d dug up I cast in. Mid day was not the time for fishing, but I was desperate for food.

I tried to remember seeing any forests near the castle but the only ones I’d spied were small groves that followed along the river. They were like small islands in a sea of farmland. Most likely it was one such forest that we found ourselves hidden in now. Luck was looking out for us. If they caught me again, they’d bring me back in front of that blasted king and I was in no condition this time to survive it. Anxiety ebbed at my sense of calm. If the wolf left me here to fend for myself, I had my doubts that I’d survive. Why am I relying on a mad dog to help me?

It wasn’t until evening that I finally got a bite. The fish was small, but that didn’t kill my spirit. It died with one blow from a rock to the head and its guts came out cleanly. Next I set about digging a hole for the fire. A fire at night could be seen for miles around, even through thick brush like this. I wasn’t taking any risks. Once the main firepit was deep enough, I dug a small air intake shaft that would feed the bottom of the fire. I even found several more berries in my search for dead wood.

Blessedly, there was plenty of dry wood to gather and by the time the sun was beginning to set a large pile stood beside the firepit. I couldn’t build a lean to with the strength I had left, instead I settled for huddling by the fire in my emergency blanket. With my messkit handy I boiled the fish and roots together. The broth tasted of dirt with hints of boiled fish. It wasn’t pleasant but it sated my hunger.

It wasn’t until the moon was directly above that I realized I had been waiting for Doug to return. I kept going back and forth on whether I wanted him too, but it was clear I was hoping he would. When I’d collapsed he could’ve just left me there. Instead he’d wrapped himself around me and waited until I woke. Why? It crossed my mind that something could’ve happened to him that prevented him from returning. My chest twisted. It’s no use worrying over something I can’t control.

I woke up to a light nudge on my shoulder. The fire had died back to coals and in the absence of the flames a moist chill had settled over me. I searched for what had woken me missing him twice before the reflection of the coals glinted in his yellow eyes. Doug had returned.

I smiled and reached to pat his head before hesitating. He leaned into it so I scratched behind his ears. “Welcome back.” The relief that flooded me seeing the monstrous beast back took me by surprise, as did the half carcass of a goat he dropped in front of me. All the meat on its left side was gone, including the ribs. Its insides were licked clean and the head and bottom half of its legs were missing. My eyes were wide while I took it in. The other side of the goat still had all its skin on, and the meat hadn’t been touched. It was enough to feed me for days, though I’d be risking it spoiling.

Doug laid down behind me while I worked. As I stripped off the skin using my knife it occurred to me that the goat was likely livestock. We couldn’t stay here long if that was the case. Farmers soon know something was preying on their live stock and they would hunt it.

My mouth watered as the smell and sounds of cooking meat filled the tiny camp. Goat has a rather gamy taste too it, and unseasoned, it was overpowering. This goat however tasted like heaven on earth compared to the fish and root soup of last night. It hit my stomach hard after days without. You would puke if you gorged yourself after so long without food, but the temptation was hard to resist. My stomach was already full halfway through the pan of meat. James had cleaned all the re-sealable retort pouches from the freeze-dried meals we’d shared together and had safely stored them in my bag. At the time I’d found it funny, but in hindsight he was right once again, they were perfect for storing the rest of the cooked meat. I butchered the rest of the meat off the hind leg and was pan frying it for later when dawn began to colour the sky.

As the meat cooked the world around us began to brighten, the trees around us were painted in hues of blue. As the sun rose the sky turned shades of pink and purple and colour returned to the trees. It was breathtaking. The mornings dew dampened my clothes and I leaned into Doug soaking in his warmth. He was watching the morning dawn with the same rapture I felt.

The fire died and with the last of the coals I finished cooking the rest of the meat, stashing it away to eat the rest of the day. There were no fridges here, but an idea dawned on me. I stuffed the filled pouches, save for one, in a garbage back and sunk into the river with rocks to anchor it. Hopefully, it would act as a mini fridge.

When I turned around, I realized Doug was curiously watching me. I smiled.

“The cold water will keep the meat from spoiling. Rancid meats no problem for wolves, but I can’t eat it.” I shrugged, “lets hope it works.”

I rejoined him on the shore taking care to kick the rest of the coals out before settling in beside him. Melancholy filled me. This picturesque morning was ours and the cold moist air was slowly heating up as the sun retook the land. I just wish James was still alive to see this.

Though he killed James and nearly killed me too, Hendrick just wanted to live. Whether or not he had a kid, I couldn’t fault him for wanting to save himself over us. In the end he was right too, my plan was foolhardy. Without this power we would’ve all died. He wasn’t an evil man. Just human. I wasn’t evil either. What bothered me though wasn’t how I’d killed him. It was how easily I could live with it. Back home you never had to face the darker side of your humanity, at least not if you avoided military service. I’d always imagined this… Heroine version of myself, merciful and virtuous. I couldn’t convince myself that was true anymore.

We napped in the shade along the rivers bank. I woke frequently, snacking each time before letting the birdsong and waterfall lull me back to sleep.

I woke at nightfall. The music had died down and for a moment my heart skipped a beat. Doug was almost invisible against the backdrop of the forest. I only spotted him because he turned his head to look at me.

“We need to leave this place soon. The farmer will know his goats missing and he will go looking for us.” He just stared at me, giving me no indication that he understood. It still felt good to voice. “You should hunt another one and get your strength back too.” This time, he stood and left. Almost like he understood me.