Chapter 7

The Darkness

Silence consumed the Abyssal Palace. The flickering flames gave no noise or heat, and what little drafts there were couldn’t even be felt, just seen. Meredith looked down to her feet, trudging on the carpet but giving off little, if any, sound. That brought her to a stop in the main hall.

The lift that led down to the alchemic settlement proper was visible, but Meredith didn’t think it would move. It felt like the palace, itself, was aware they were taking a trial, and was planning to do everything it could to ensure that was happening. Meredith turned her Soul Vision on. A flood of emotion came to her, deep within the halls, and she knew immediately what it was.

“This way.” Her two words commanded Vivian and Emil to follow into a hallway that was familiar to all of them. Neither said a word, never daring to speak out against the deafening silence.

Stepping off the carpet, they still produced no noise, causing Meredith to put a hand on her blade, holding her breath in for whatever lay around the corner for them. Her friends drew closer, with Emil facing backwards in case there would be something from behind. Meredith didn’t think to worry about that, stopping at the smoky haze in front of her eyes, blocking access to a hallway. Past it was the familiar feel of the magic core, and down another hallway was an antechamber.

“Was there anything beyond there, Vivian?” Meredith asked, pointing to the hall.

“Nothing that I saw. It wouldn’t give me access.”

“Makes you feel like the place is alive.” Meredith gave credence to what Emil spoke, but she didn’t look at him. Her eyes were glued to that chamber beyond. “You’re remembering, aren’t you?”

“It was our first real battle together, the three of us and…Eddie,” Meredith confirmed. She took a step towards it, unable to stop herself from wanting to examine the space. She was running before long, coming to stop in the wide chamber. “It’s just like it was back then. Like we never even fought here.”

“Guess that’s just the nature of this place,” Vivian said. She had entered behind her, arms folded. “He was a real creep, wasn’t he? And Marcus looks at him as an invaluable ally…”

“Tells you more about the man than anything else,” Emil grunted. He spat at the ground in anger. Meredith bit the inside of her cheek. “Keeps people like the Beastmaster on his side, reaps souls like it’s nobody’s business and just uses and tosses us aside.”

“Isn’t that how you thought of your parents?”

“Uh…”

“I wonder…” Meredith said. “Marcus passed the trials. What did he see here? Is it what changed him to become who he is? Or did he come upon that later?”

“Who cares?!” Vivian snapped, waving her hands about to try and dismiss the subject. “He took Eddie’s soul. I don’t give a damn about the rest of his thoughts when he’s so…”

The mention of his name and what had happened in conjunction silenced Vivian, turning her demure. Emil gave a loud sigh, falling to the floor and sitting upon it, cross-legged. “Let it out, Viv. You miss him. If you and Mera had traded places, she might’ve had to be the one pulling you out.”

“Don’t you?” Vivian found her place against the wall, leaning while she watched both of them. Meredith kept herself on her feet, eyes now darting to the various exits from the room. “He was a part of this team. He saved each and every one of us. Pulled us up. Made us better. We can’t just…forget about him.”

“Yeah…” Emil was picking at his shoes now, looking up to Meredith when she said nothing about it. She really wasn’t sure what was left to say; her tears had exhausted her feelings on the subject. “When I was looking, back at Lacardia, I just kept hoping that there’d be some answer to bring him back. To tell him how sorry I was for how things played out in the Games.”

“You were definitely an idiot.”

“Says the girl who would’ve lost herself following daddy’s orders if it wasn’t for Eddie.”

“We all miss him.” Meredith’s statement was the first loud noise she’d heard the entire time they’d been in the palace. Both looked at her. “He was my best friend from a young age, and without him, none of us would be here. That death is…it’s on all of us. And it’s on all of us to make it right again. To save him.”

“You do know it’s Marcus’s fault, right?” Vivian spoke when Meredith tried walking away. “We can try to blame ourselves all we want, but he’s the root cause of this. Any of us could have been in Eddie’s place, or your brother’s.”

“But we’re not,” Meredith said. Talking about it almost felt like ripping the wound open again, but it was smaller now. There was some hope to be had. Knowing that her friends were behind her, feeling the same grief, gunning for the same hope, it pulled her forward. Just like he had always done. “We’re still standing here, so it’s up to us. So long as we don’t forget…

“We will save Eddie. I promise.”

“You and your promises!” Vivian said. She sounded in good humor, walking from the wall and past Meredith to one of the halls beyond. “You’re not very good at keeping them!”

“Guess I just have to get better, Viv. This is a fight I’m not losing.”

“Hey, simmer down now. No fighting between you both, or did you forget we’re in the middle of a trial.” Emil was back on his feet but Meredith and Vivian started to laugh.

“He does remember that we fought at the first trial we were in, right?” Vivian recalled.

“Those were the times. I still hated you. Might still. Haven’t made up my mind.” The blonde took offense to that, but for a beautiful, glorious moment, Meredith truly realized that life had gone on. Eddie wasn’t there, and there was still a mission, but it didn’t mean that life had stopped. She still had people there who cared about her and pulled her forward, just like him. He hadn’t been the only support.

“Uh…guys…what the hell is that stuff?” The girls stopped their bickering, looking down at their feet, to where Emil was pointing.

It was a wisp. Rather, it was at first, before the substance became gooey, sticking to their shoes and rooting them there. On instinct, Emil’s magic activated, raising the three of them out of the goo before it could envelop them. Sensing they were free, it dispersed, becoming a black mist again, floating up.

“Emil, let us down. I don’t think it’s safe in the air, either.” Emil obeyed, and they hit the floor, setting off into a run. The three dashed down the hallway and the mist swirled around before shooting after them. It was hot in its pursuit, causing the hairs on Meredith’s neck to tingle. She tried to reach for her sword, but bumped into Vivian, who had pulled into a halt. Emil hit her right after and they fell, smashing against the ground. “What the hell, Viv? Why are you stopping?”

“Oh geez, maybe it’s the other ominous floating black cloud ahead of us. Do you plan on getting off me?” Meredith first needed Emil to get off, which he did, before she rolled to the side and into a crouch. Her heart was thumping faster than ever as she saw the smoky tendrils approach. She scooted back while Vivian came to stand, reaching for the bow on her back, only to realize it wasn’t there. “Crap. Mera, you’re the navigation guru. Which way?”

“Bit more focused on this than that.”

“Stop bickering already and get us the hell out of here!”

Vivian and Emil flanked her as the tendrils reached them. Meredith whipped her blade out, extending it and slashing through. They dispersed for all of a second before reforming like a black hand, hoping to grasp them. An image flashed before her, of that wicked hand coming for her soul, and the fear that always gripped her. She backed up, nowhere else to turn to but the backs of her friends as they closed ranks. The hands paused.

Meredith tilted her head, hoping that whatever those things were, or wherever they’d come from, that they’d reconsidered their current course of action. The black mist drew back, through the hallways, causing Vivian to breathe in relief.

It was all too soon.

With a snap, they came rushing back before they had the opportunity to defend themselves. Attached to them and following behind was a wall of the dark cloud that threatened to consume them. The hands locked on them in that hall, pulling each in a separate direction before they knew what had happened. Meredith reached out, crying for her companions, and they matched her in action.

Their fingertips managed to touch, and then Meredith was yanked away, sailing back and diving deep into the cloud of black that awaited her.

Her skin crawled with whatever the substance was, and Meredith choked on it. Her hands flew about, waving her sword wildly while the other attempted to grasp at whatever could be grasped to. Nothing gave her purchase against the smothering tide, obscuring all of her vision and leaving her isolated. Meredith tried to scream for her friends, but found that no voice was escaping her lips, the cloud sealing off any attempt to call for help. She began to wonder if this would finish her, suffocating her before she could even experience an ounce of regret.

Then she hit the cold floor on her side, arm feeling the pain that tingled her renewed legs.

“Viv! Emil!” she shouted the second she could, springing up. The cloud and dark wisps had retreated, stranding her in an unfamiliar hall. She whipped about, once more calling their names, but receiving no response. Her breath rattled out, fogging in the chilled hall. With no other threat being sensible, Meredith stowed her blade away. “So…I’m alone.”

The halls gave no recourse, echoing her lonely thoughts back.

Tamping down on that, Meredith took a glance around the hall. It was no different than every other one before it. Empty, with a few heatless blue flames flickering. Only one thing of distinction remained to Meredith, and it was the fact there was only one path out of the chamber. She had no choice.

Putting one foot in front of the other, Meredith stepped from the room, proceeding down the length of hall that presented itself. No sounds could be heard from any other part of the palace, and the loneliness she’d been so consumed by started to creep back in. With Vivian and Emil nowhere to be seen, her fingers began to twitch, feeling all too alone as she walked forth into the next room.

She pulled short. Mist hovered about the room, though this was not the black, insidious material from before, but a glossy, reflective type. With caution, Meredith approached it, and the reflections inside it became clearer; clear enough to realize they weren’t reflections at all but…

“Memories?” Meredith recalled the Trial of Self at her words, and of the pitiless version of herself that had made her acknowledge the fear that was a part of her. The fear that she had promised to overcome.

“Look at her! The Magicless Loser!”

“Gonna go to mommy and cry!”

“I don’t cry like you dumb bullies! I can kick you!” Meredith was rooted to the floor at the cajoling from within the mist. She turned her head, the image within having become clear.

There she was, her three-year-old self chucking rocks at a group of boys that had decided to mock her on her way home from preschool. They didn’t like it, one of them flinging the rock back with magic until it beaned her on the head. An adult shouted, but the damage was done, little Meredith falling back on her butt. No one came for her. No one wanted to rescue her.

“I was so alone…” she breathed, watching her younger self. The tears were barely held in by her younger self until she lifted her sleeve to wipe the snot and stand. No matter what, Meredith moved forward, running to the comfort of home. Watching her younger self do it, she began to move, too, away from that misty memory.

Though she wished to deny it, remembering those events that she’d long pushed away brought the old loneliness to the forefront. The taunts and jeers about not having magic. The way she just had Ray, his eyes turned to the sky and a sight far beyond her. Their backs disappearing in the distance.

Meredith stumbled a little. Was that one of her regrets? Some of her pain?

“But I wasn’t…I…I had him…” Meredith insisted. The mist wafted and changed shape, responding to her adamant refusal of what it was trying to make her feel. Another window opened to her eyes, showing him sitting there, all alone at the top of Lumarina’s cliff.

“Hey you, what are you doing in my spot?” Meredith, little older than her last memory, called out. The boy turned, wiping his nose just as she had, though his eyes were red from crying. In his hands were tufts of grass, knotted together in a way no four-year-old could have managed. “Are you crying?”

“I’m…I’m not crying!”

“You look like you’re crying.” Little Meredith skipped over, kneeling down at the boy’s level and staring at him. “What happened? Why’re you crying?”

“It’s nothing. Just some…some people.”

“Bullied?” The kid had no verbal response, and settled for nodding. “Why?”

“You ask lots of questions.” The boy pointing this out did nothing to stop her younger self from sitting next to him with an insistent stare, demanding to know. “My magic. I can do more than them.”

“Well, that’s stupid. I can’t do any!” Little Meredith threw her hands back, flopping on the grass as she grinned to him. “If you can do lots, then you’re pretty good.”

“You…you can’t do any?” Meredith nodded with enthusiasm while her present-day self sank to her knees. Watching this, knowing what would happen to the boy before her…it hurt so much. The one thing she had so continuously praised about him, that had given him value to so many, was the same reason he wasn’t here, taking this trial with her. “Must be hard.”

“Nah, I got mommy and daddy and Ray! Ray is the coolest big brother! How about you?”

“I don’t have any brother. Or sister.”

“Aw, but you can have me!” Meredith shouted. She’d sat up and within seconds threw her arms around the boy. He was surprised, but couldn’t stop his smile from breaking through at the contact. “It’s always nice to have someone there for you. And you can do pretty things with magic and I can fix stuff! Daddy taught me how! We can be brother and sister…no…the bestest of friends!”

“You’re pushy.”

“No, I’m Meredith.”

“Mer…Mer…Mera?” he asked, tilting his head to the side. Unable to say her full name, he just shrugged. “I’ll call you Mera. You call me Eddie.”

“Okay, Eddie! Bestest of friends, forever and ever!”

“Stop it! Please, stop it!” Meredith shouted in the present, trying to yell the memory in the mist out of existence. She didn’t want to see that or be reminded. Even if Vivian had made it clear that Marcus was to blame, seeing her meet Eddie again for the first time caused a lamentation to rise from her lips. “Okay, I get it. It’s my fault. I dragged him into my life, into an adventure he wanted no part of, and I got him…”

She wanted to sob, but that sob was stopped. Her free hand lifted up, clutching to her chest as she identified what was forming there. It wasn’t regret, or grief, or pain.

It was fear.

Not a fear that stopped her from acting, but a fear of what all her actions had led to. The fear that had begun the day she’d made a friend in Eddie. She had been afraid to lose him. To lose anyone she was close to.

Overcome it.

That mantra had been burned into her. As a Guardian she had to overcome her fears and go forward. There was no room for stopping and standing still. If fear was a weakness, then it had to irrevocably be stamped out in order to do one’s duty. She knew that, but this new fear was crippling.

I’ve been afraid to lose them all this time. I’m so afraid at failing to be a Guardian, failing to protect others. Meredith felt despair inside, a gripping pain that surpassed all others. She couldn’t reconcile this.

Her hand pushed, bringing her up from her knees. Legs turned wobbly, threatening to put her back on the ground again. She tried to keep balance, but the mist blinded her every way she turned, as though a sentient being wished to keep her trapped there.

“I’m not…I’m not afraid…I won’t be afraid. I won’t be afraid. I’m not scared.” The words were a muttered stream, trying more to convince herself than they were actively trying to do anything else. For a moment, it worked, bringing her back on her feet, shuffling one foot forward.

The mist grew thicker around her, a reminder of their threat to choke her in memories. Amelia had been right about what this place would do to someone. Each piece of the palace was drowning her in regret, directly or indirectly. Where the light at the end of the tunnel was, Meredith had no clue, but she knew something she had to find. So, she hobbled forward, breathing deeply while she slipped her Soul Vision on to regain her bearings.

It had been a tremendous mistake.

The second her magic activated she was smothered. The darkness was all around her, taunting her, clawing into her skin and brain. Meredith couldn’t shut it off right away, stumbling into another wall. The magic core was all around her, its darkness a present and corroding influence inside her. She felt like she’d been sucked into the core, itself, and began to wonder if the wall of darkness from earlier had been that self-same thing. It explained the hands trying to drag her under.

The wails of negative emotion, accrued over the many centuries, collided with her as she inched along the wall until she found the hall beyond. Her mouth was dry as ash, and her legs gave out when she tumbled into the corridor beyond. Her head hit a red carpet that lined it, eyes unseeing with the pain. It was as if every Guardian that had ever stepped foot here was sucked dry of their regrets, and all of that was now being fed into her. So powerful was it, that Meredith couldn’t see the lights of Vivian or Emil’s souls in the middle of all that darkness.

No, the darkness was choosing to show her something else: her failure.

Unmoving, Meredith was forced to watch as more memories took form. From the time she received the lowest score on the Trial of Ice, to being knocked into the water by a haughty Vivian. Her failures to stop Caleb at the Metropolis. Her cowering fear of the Reaper. Her reliance on her brother. Rico defeating her and leaving them all crushed on the stadium floor. The sight of her legs breaking at Marcus’s hands, and of Royston Masters’ death.

Each failure was another stab to the heart, and a reminder of when her fear, even if she hadn’t acknowledged it, had brought her crashing down to the ground.

So weak…My fear makes me so weak…

Meredith pushed up, her eyes glassy with the emotional trauma the darkness was attempting to inflict inside her soul. She looked down the length of hall, where the red carpet led, and her Soul Vision shut off from the exhaustion within. Light returned to her in the form of the blue flames lining the corridor, all the way to a greater light at the end. More mist occupied the path forward. Meredith didn’t stop herself from getting up.

But I overcame it…Every time, I stood, right? Keep moving forward. Overcome your fear. Live. Terrill’s instructions stuck with her, dragging her feet along, scuffing the carpet as she walked. The mist attempted to distract her with more regrets and failures, reaching as far back as her youth, but Meredith kept reminding herself that she was still here. She was still standing.

It wasn’t until she reached the next chamber that a vision was truly affecting. Yet it gave her pause, seeing their backs there, turning and walking away. Raymond. Marcus. Eddie. Vivian. Emil. All of them were walking away from her, leaving her behind with nothing. The palace wasn’t done teaching her, but she couldn’t grasp it.

“Why are you showing me this?” she whispered into the darkness. Her legs sent her into a collapse, throwing her inside the empty room. The light she thought she’d seen earlier was no longer there, remaining elusive as it danced down another hallway, opposite her. “What are you trying to teach me? That I’m weak? That I need to get over my fear to become stronger? Tell me!”

It didn’t. Meredith couldn’t understand, her fist pounding at the stone beneath her. What about this was enlightening? She knew she was afraid. She knew the regrets she had, feeling as though she was constantly adding to them. This was teaching her nothing new, and now she was lost, with no way out.

She wished Eddie was here, or Vivian, or Emil. Meredith wanted them by her side, guiding her, helping her when she fell.

“It’s teaching you nothing, because you are nothing. Naught but a failure, doomed to obscurity.” The voice made Meredith’s blood run cold. She would know it anywhere, having heard it too many times before, each moment producing within her the same result. Shaking, she lifted her head to the visage before her. “What can you do but shake in fear when I am here?”

“No…Impossible…you can’t be real…you can’t be here!” Meredith shouted. She fell, scrambling along until her back was against the wall. Her eyes filled with fear, producing tears. Eddie’s face flashed in front of her, as did Silva’s, and Masters’; all those that had fallen to the menace. That inescapable force which gripped her soul. She felt so alone.

“I’m as real as you make me to be, Meredith. I’m your fear,” he said, leaning down and tilting her chin up. Meredith swallowed, staring into the abyss of the Reaper’s pitiless eyes. “And as long as I exist, you will be forever weak. I will rip the soul out of everything you hold dear.”