[Choose an animal. Write about it!]

I feel like being rebellious, so I’ll choose TWO animals!

……

Every owner of a pet has at some point entertained the idea of what their pet would do and say if the pet understood human speech and could speak as a human could. Of course, as the proud owner of two cats, I have as well. I have deliberated over the idea quite a lot and came to many conclusions.

Assuming my cats were intelligent enough to completely understand me as well as I do and respond with verbal communication as efficiently as I can, life would be hell. With only rudimentary consideration, it would seem as though life would become much more convenient because my cats could follow orders (if they chose/were threatened to). My cats would stop jumping onto places I ban them from, stop puking on the carpet and begin puking in the litter box, understand that not every loud sound is a representation of danger, maybe learn to enjoy human entertainment like television (?), and stay safe when I let them outside.

Yes, the things listed above might be possible, but would they be the only consequences of my cats understanding me? Most definitely not. Consider how most people only feed their pets with simple foods. Mind you, good-tasting food is a luxury in life. So, would my pets be satisfied with eating the same kind of dry food for a month before being given a slightly different kind for the month after? I doubt it.

Would my cats be satisfied knowing that when I ignore them and entertain myself with video games or reading, it’s because I don’t feel like playing with them? What about their instincts to hunt and kill? If I chose to keep them from hunting birds and mice because I thought it cruel, would the cats be fine with that? Or…NEUTURING! Would they possibly agree that keeping the cat population in check by neutering them is a wise choice?

My point is that simply because they’d understand what we tell them doesn’t mean that they’d agree or wouldn’t feel bad. Yes, my cats might stop puking all over the carpet, but would it be worth it if they felt depressed about their captive lifestyles?