[Write about someone you admire and you thought to have had a beautiful mind.]

Oh, what a wonderful prompt! To be asked to write about another’s mind, a topic so sublime! But I bet you didn’t think I’d write about mine!

Here’s the thing: I always believe I’m a great deal more intelligent than I was the year past. I’m not necessarily wrong whenever I think so, but whenever I do, the thought is typically followed with, “I would probably make very few mistakes in any situation.”, which is a problem.

I may typically make fewer mistakes than others in general, but that matters not to me, because as I grow older and mature, I realize that the number of mistakes I would make in any given situation is still way higher than I’d like! The optimal number being zero.

The thing is, I want to be perfect, as I’m sure most people also want for themselves. I also think very highly of myself, but I know I’m nowhere near the perfection I strive to achieve. Whenever I remind myself of so, I cringe, because perfection is always infinitely far away.

I always admire myself for the person I’ve become and think I have a beautiful mind. But, do I? Are the standards I’ve set for everything unreasonable? Stupid? Ridiculous?

Strange? Is the doubt I have in myself another trait I admire? Is there a point in admiring myself?

I know I’m partly narcissistic, but is it bad despite not letting any of my bad thoughts out? Is it alright for me to think rude/horrible things of others, but simply keep it hidden?

If I don’t hurt them, does it matter what I think about them? Am I a liar for treating a pathetic loser as I would anyone else? Am I weak for caring about whether I hurt a pathetic person I’d rather not have in my life? Is it fine to make someone feel bad as long as I’m telling the truth?

Do those last few questions lower the opinion someone has for me? Does it matter that I care what others think about me if I don’t change how I behave because of their opinions? If I do change how I behave because of another’s opinion, am I weak?

If I slightly manipulate people’s perception of me to make them think a certain way, is that wrong? If I don’t have any nefarious purposes for the manipulation, does it make it fine?

Is it wrong that I think easily-manipulated people don’t really matter for not being able to think critically by themselves?

Are all my negative thoughts requited by the fact that I would risk my life to save a stranger’s? Do I overestimate my courage?

Do I know myself well, or am I overconfident? When I know I’m capable of something but a stranger tells me I overestimate myself, is it fine to dismiss their opinion because they’re mostly talking out of their ass because they themselves can’t do it, thus think that others can’t and take enjoyment out of putting others down? Or am I stupid for overanalyzing why they decided to tell me that I can’t do it?

……

This was just some…introspection.