I remembered this dream. To me, it was a dream of dreams.

It felt so real. And I wished it was real.

It was a dream that concluded differently from my last encounter with the monster which was responsible for the scars that I currently bear. A dream that I desperately wished it to be the reality despite the shortcomings.

The dream had a parallel narrative to reality in the beginning. The Mimic, which brought tragedy upon me during my childhood years, had bested me in my hunt for it itself. At my defeat, it had its way with me. That was the narrative of the reality. However, in this dream, I wasn’t violated and defiled by the Mimic.

I was saved.

Saved by the one person that I had least expected to. His dazzling visage was the first object of interest when I regain my conscience from my defeat at the hands of that despicable monster.

Hyx Atlas. He was neither a stronger fighter nor a more intelligent thinker than me. I knew not on how he defeated the monster but I didn’t care. He saved me. That was all I could comprehend. His look spelt relief and sorrow. An expression unbefitting of the current circumstances.

Why does he looked so sad?

When asked, he reluctantly gave me the truth.

He had to leave. Since I could not quite grasp the true meaning of his brief words, I pressed further. Despite his previous epic visage, the way he shuddered at my rage was quite pleasing to my eyes. However, his words in response to mine, had left me devastated. He was leaving the temple. He didn’t tell me everything but he said something of needing to upheld his part of a deal and that’s why he need to leave. He knew this day was coming.

I was confused and I was still in a daze from my defeat. His words overwhelmed me. Something took hold of me then. I forced myself on him. I didn’t know why I chose that route but I did. Perhaps it was to create an anchor to chain him to me.

I have experienced lost. Sorrow became an underrated word to signify my feelings. When the orphanage was destroyed, I lost almost everyone that was close enough that I could call a family. Since then, I had been afraid of forming attachments with peoples. I remain distant to many who tried to acquaint themselves to me.

Out of so many peoples who approached me, Hyx was one that I couldn’t quite pushed away. I gave in, eventually. Not due to his persistence, but fate’s. Somehow, we always ended up meeting whenever and wherever.

I wanted to make it clear of our distance and positions but I froze at that attempt when realization dawn.

The realization of the fact that I enjoyed his company. Since then, I have never once again even consider pushing him away.

I have set myself up as someone incredibly talented and earnest ever since I joined the Faith of the Nines. I rose through the rank faster than anyone else. I was what people would call a prodigy. I even became the star pupil of the renowned Sword Emperor.

But that label came with a price. Expectations.

Again and again, everyone I came across, they held expectations of me. Expectations that were no easy feat. Even those in beneath my position, they had expectations too. However, even the prodigy that I am, I wasn’t perfect. The expectations were piling and I was beginning to be unable to meet them.

When I met Hyx, when he heard who I was, I braced for the expectations he will have for me. I waited for the selfish standards that he would apply onto me like everyone else did.

But nothing of that sort transpired.

He brushed it all off. He took the stance of judgement on his personal basis. He was treating me neither as the inferior nor superior. When he spoke to me, his tone was all too different from everyone I know. He was treating me as his equal.

Since then, I longed for his companionship which neither one of us were the better or worse.

I had always thought that I never wanted to form any attachment again but I was wrong. I wanted to but I was too afraid. The presence of the boy called Hyx, he dispelled all my fears. Not that I didn’t think separation was impossible but my joy in his company had overridden all those insecurities.

Taking on his advice, I opened up to many more others. And once again, I formed another profound attachment. This time, with an Elven female named, Iluna. We were friends but I knew, she wanted more. I knew because those eyes of hers, were the same eyes I have towards Hyx. Not to say, I love one of them more than the other. I love them both but I just have a different kind of love towards each of them.

In the end, neither anyone of us said anything. We were firm friends and we were afraid to destroy the current relationship for an uncertain future.

However, to my shock, Hyx stepped off. He gave his blessings to Iluna in pursuing a romantic relationship with me. Having someone you love taken from you was one thing but having the one you love allowing you to be taken away was a different and an extremely complicated feeling.

I didn’t want to disappoint Iluna nor do I want to make her sad. I accepted her feelings and Hyx’s grace. I thought if given time, I could come to love Iluna like I love Hyx.

I was naive.

I never could shelf away of the thought of how things would turned out if my lover had been Hyx instead of Iluna. I was well-aware this was infidelity. I had a lover and yet here I was, thinking about someone else.

But no matter what Iluna did. I could never truly see Iluna in the way I would at Hyx. I truly love Iluna. My love has actually blossomed into a romantic love but nevertheless, my love for her still couldn’t triumph against the feelings I held for Hyx.

I love him.

I never wanted him to go.

I have loved him ever since I realized how much I enjoy his companionship.

I can never let him go. He was my pillar to many burdens and hardships. I felt like I would break if he left.

Maybe that was why, in this realistic dream, I forced myself on him.

He said something to me while I was tearing both of our clothes off but his voice never did reach reached me as desperation possessed me.

Perhaps he was the one who forced himself on me but this was just a dream. Nothing was solid. Everything was but a blur.

What a sin I was committing.

Fate of the Nines were tolerant with almost all kinds of relationships but polygamy was never one of them. While it was the largest and the most powerful religion across all Evarenan but it was also the most disfavored religion, especially by highborn who desired for more than one partner. Till this day, people of power who prayed to the nines could be counted by both hands.

And I, an Elite Templar Knight of the Nines was fornicating with a boy who’s a friend to me and my partner. Giving away my virtue to someone other than my partner. This was so unlike me. I do not think I would ever be capable of such sin in reality.

Yet, everything felt so real. It felt closer to it being a memory than a dream.

But it couldn’t be real.

No.

It shall not be real.

The dream always came to an end when both of us reach the peak of this immoral pleasure.

And I would always woke up, drenched in sweat and heat. There were even times I found my own hands in my sensitive regions upon my wake. I had did it unconsciously while I was sleeping.

I hated myself for this. To think that I would actually find it pleasurable in reality even though it was only a glimpse of fantasy.

Perhaps this would have been better than a monster.

Nevertheless, the past is the past. There was nothing I could do to change that. I should get over it. This was unbecoming of someone of my position.

But it was easier said than done. The assault from the monster had left its mark.

It was physical but not something that could be found on my body. Not anymore at least. A mark that left me at a lost.

I bear no grudge for the mark but she would always forever remind me of that dark history.

Perhaps someday, I could genuinely come to accept her for who she actually was. Not as a mark of my failure nor dark history—

—but as my daughter.

I remembered this dream. To me, it was a dream of dreams.

It felt so real. And I wished it was real.

It was a dream that concluded differently from my last encounter with the monster which was responsible for the scars that I currently bear. A dream that I desperately wished it to be the reality despite the shortcomings.

The dream had a parallel narrative to reality in the beginning. The Mimic, which brought tragedy upon me during my childhood years, had bested me in my hunt for it itself. At my defeat, it had its way with me. That was the narrative of the reality. However, in this dream, I wasn’t violated and defiled by the Mimic.

I was saved.

Saved by the one person that I had least expected to. His dazzling visage was the first object of interest when I regain my conscience from my defeat at the hands of that despicable monster.

Hyx Atlas. He was neither a stronger fighter nor a more intelligent thinker than me. I knew not on how he defeated the monster but I didn’t care. He saved me. That was all I could comprehend. His look spelt relief and sorrow. An expression unbefitting of the current circumstances.

Why does he looked so sad?

When asked, he reluctantly gave me the truth.

He had to leave. Since I could not quite grasp the true meaning of his brief words, I pressed further. Despite his previous epic visage, the way he shuddered at my rage was quite pleasing to my eyes. However, his words in response to mine, had left me devastated. He was leaving the temple. He didn’t tell me everything but he said something of needing to upheld his part of a deal and that’s why he need to leave. He knew this day was coming.

I was confused and I was still in a daze from my defeat. His words overwhelmed me. Something took hold of me then. I forced myself on him. I didn’t know why I chose that route but I did. Perhaps it was to create an anchor to chain him to me.

I have experienced lost. Sorrow became an underrated word to signify my feelings. When the orphanage was destroyed, I lost almost everyone that was close enough that I could call a family. Since then, I had been afraid of forming attachments with peoples. I remain distant to many who tried to acquaint themselves to me.

Out of so many peoples who approached me, Hyx was one that I couldn’t quite pushed away. I gave in, eventually. Not due to his persistence, but fate’s. Somehow, we always ended up meeting whenever and wherever.

I wanted to make it clear of our distance and positions but I froze at that attempt when realization dawn.

The realization of the fact that I enjoyed his company. Since then, I have never once again even consider pushing him away.

I have set myself up as someone incredibly talented and earnest ever since I joined the Faith of the Nines. I rose through the rank faster than anyone else. I was what people would call a prodigy. I even became the star pupil of the renowned Sword Emperor.

But that label came with a price. Expectations.

Again and again, everyone I came across, they held expectations of me. Expectations that were no easy feat. Even those in beneath my position, they had expectations too. However, even the prodigy that I am, I wasn’t perfect. The expectations were piling and I was beginning to be unable to meet them.

When I met Hyx, when he heard who I was, I braced for the expectations he will have for me. I waited for the selfish standards that he would apply onto me like everyone else did.

But nothing of that sort transpired.

He brushed it all off. He took the stance of judgement on his personal basis. He was treating me neither as the inferior nor superior. When he spoke to me, his tone was all too different from everyone I know. He was treating me as his equal.

Since then, I longed for his companionship which neither one of us were the better or worse.

I had always thought that I never wanted to form any attachment again but I was wrong. I wanted to but I was too afraid. The presence of the boy called Hyx, he dispelled all my fears. Not that I didn’t think separation was impossible but my joy in his company had overridden all those insecurities.

Taking on his advice, I opened up to many more others. And once again, I formed another profound attachment. This time, with an Elven female named, Iluna. We were friends but I knew, she wanted more. I knew because those eyes of hers, were the same eyes I have towards Hyx. Not to say, I love one of them more than the other. I love them both but I just have a different kind of love towards each of them.

In the end, neither anyone of us said anything. We were firm friends and we were afraid to destroy the current relationship for an uncertain future.

However, to my shock, Hyx stepped off. He gave his blessings to Iluna in pursuing a romantic relationship with me. Having someone you love taken from you was one thing but having the one you love allowing you to be taken away was a different and an extremely complicated feeling.

I didn’t want to disappoint Iluna nor do I want to make her sad. I accepted her feelings and Hyx’s grace. I thought if given time, I could come to love Iluna like I love Hyx.

I was naive.

I never could shelf away of the thought of how things would turned out if my lover had been Hyx instead of Iluna. I was well-aware this was infidelity. I had a lover and yet here I was, thinking about someone else.

But no matter what Iluna did. I could never truly see Iluna in the way I would at Hyx. I truly love Iluna. My love has actually blossomed into a romantic love but nevertheless, my love for her still couldn’t triumph against the feelings I held for Hyx.

I love him.

I never wanted him to go.

I have loved him ever since I realized how much I enjoy his companionship.

I can never let him go. He was my pillar to many burdens and hardships. I felt like I would break if he left.

Maybe that was why, in this realistic dream, I forced myself on him.

He said something to me while I was tearing both of our clothes off but his voice never did reach reached me as desperation possessed me.

Perhaps he was the one who forced himself on me but this was just a dream. Nothing was solid. Everything was but a blur.

What a sin I was committing.

Fate of the Nines were tolerant with almost all kinds of relationships but polygamy was never one of them. While it was the largest and the most powerful religion across all Evarenan but it was also the most disfavored religion, especially by highborn who desired for more than one partner. Till this day, people of power who prayed to the nines could be counted by both hands.

And I, an Elite Templar Knight of the Nines was fornicating with a boy who’s a friend to me and my partner. Giving away my virtue to someone other than my partner. This was so unlike me. I do not think I would ever be capable of such sin in reality.

Yet, everything felt so real. It felt closer to it being a memory than a dream.

But it couldn’t be real.

No.

It shall not be real.

The dream always came to an end when both of us reach the peak of this immoral pleasure.

And I would always woke up, drenched in sweat and heat. There were even times I found my own hands in my sensitive regions upon my wake. I had did it unconsciously while I was sleeping.

I hated myself for this. To think that I would actually find it pleasurable in reality even though it was only a glimpse of fantasy.

Perhaps this would have been better than a monster.

Nevertheless, the past is the past. There was nothing I could do to change that. I should get over it. This was unbecoming of someone of my position.

But it was easier said than done. The assault from the monster had left its mark.

It was physical but not something that could be found on my body. Not anymore at least. A mark that left me at a lost.

I bear no grudge for the mark but she would always forever remind me of that dark history.

Perhaps someday, I could genuinely come to accept her for who she actually was. Not as a mark of my failure nor dark history—

—but as my daughter.