《Paradox Fighters》Paradox Fighters, Part 6-28 Tohoufuhai
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"AGAIN!"
Gurren Lagann did as instructed, sweeping downward to drive the drill covering its arm into the purple robot's face. Again, it failed, the point bouncing off the screen of orange, transparent shapes that appeared in the air just short of their target.
"I don't think it's going to work, Kamina," conceded Simon in the most determined manner possible. "There's got to be another way around this."
"And you're not going find it!" screamed Shinji, twisting the Evangelion's controls. The massive robot lifted its oversized pistol, identical in appearance and function to one a human might carry, and threw a round into the air where Gurren Lagann had been moments before.
Simon's concern had been growing since the beginning of the fight. He was not afraid, nor was he ready to give up, but their opponent was presenting a unique challenge. Shinji's machine was very large, and its attacks, if landed, would surely cripple their gunmen in one hit. Shinji was not a particularly accurate pilot, however, which meant that it was fairly simple to keep dodging around the large, clumsy Evangelion's strikes. But its armor was impenetrable, a distinct problem, since their main weapon-drills- were a penetrating thing by nature.
"C'mon, Simon! What are we gonna do?"
"No idea, bro. Amuro used some kinda mind attack to get through that barrier, but we don't have one of those… We'll just keep hitting it until we think of something."
The pilots let out a battle cry in unison as they redoubled their efforts, picking away at every angle of the massive Evangelion. Their desert arena was large, a few miles across of flat, empty space. Scattered along the ground were a few bits and pieces left over from the earlier brawls, the audience eagerly awaiting Gurren Lagann's chassis to be crushed and scattered among them. They had been following the brackets closely, and would like nothing more than to fight an opponent that was not undefeated. Three of the warriors, standing atop a massive pillar of weapons and armor, did not.
"They lack strategy," noted the boy in the khaki jacket, handing the field binoculars to his peer, a soft-looking girl who stood with her arms crossed in a most defiant manner. She removed herself from her indomitable stance to receive the binoculars, which she glared through intently, watching the ballet play out between two very distant, very different dancers.
"But they've got a lot of guts."
Their master watched the horizon with them, without the assistance of lenses, or even his eyes for that matter. The younger ones thought his methods were odd, but they had a great deal of respect for him. So when, without looking up, he declared, "Then we ought to write them up as the winners of this round," they did not protest. The boy drew another leaf of paper and began to calculate how the other participants would advance, but quickly found something interesting in the numbers.
"One of us will be fighting them next, Sifu."
Their master looked up into the distance, his headband's tails flapping in the wind.
"Good. No matter the outcome, this will be a learning experience. Inaho, you will go first to gauge their weaknesses. Noriko, you will face them second to test the limits of your machine's power."
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"If you say so, Sifu," said the girl, moving towards the edge of their perch. She paused, stared into the ground, and turned back.
"Wait, how are we supposed to get down?"
"Even without manly determination, this guy's pretty tough," admitted Kamina as Gurren Lagann was again reflected by the AT Field.
Simon pulled back on the controls, and the Gunmen jetted out of harm's way once again.
"C'mon, think," he grunted. "What are the limits to that field? It repels everything."
Wait a second, no, it doesn't. Twilight said it's the EVA itself that makes the field… so if that field was stopping everything from touching it, how can it hold its gun?
"That's it! Kamina, is the hailing frequency on?
"Has been this whole time, bro," replied the older boy.
Simon pulled his hands from his controls and used them to cover his mouth, forcing air between his lips to create a hissing sound.
"Ksssht- need to get out of range- ksssht- weak to grappling attacks- ksssht- can't recover," he shouted, followed by a whisper, "Now, turn it off!"
Kamina did as instructed. "What was the point of that?"
"In order for us to attack," grinned Simon, "We're going to have to get attacked."
"They must have damaged their communication system," mused Shinji. "They meant to turn it off, before they revealed their weakness. They're mine, now!"
Shinji pushed the joysticks forward, and the EVA's free hand shot forward to clamp down on the smaller machine's chest. Simon and Kamina clung to whatever they could to avoid being splattered on the close cockpit walls. Warnings began to cover the screens as the pressure of the giant fingers around them began to dig into their comparatively small frame.
"All right, it's now or never," growled Simon. "GIGA!"
"DRILL," Kamina joined in.
"MAXIMUM!" they screamed together, as the Gunmen produced drills from under every armor panel in its body. No AT Field was raised to stop the attack, so the multitude of spiraling spines erupted through the back of the Evangelion's hand, each wound producing an over-pressurized stream of blood.
"Gyeeeeeeeeeaack!" squealed Shinji, clutching his own hand in agony.
"NOW!" screamed Simon, as both pilots of Gurren Lagann simultaneously pushed its boosters to maximum thrust. The Gunmen jolted away from the EVA's wounded hand and climbed further into the air, leveling out a hundred meters above their opponent.
"Let's throw him off his game!" bellowed Kamina, as the Gunmen pulled the oversized sunglasses off of its chest. The heavy black glass caught the light of the sun above, and could be seen by the distant audience as a bright flicker on the horizon.
"Yeah! We'll trash him, Team Gurren-style!"
"JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE?"
The Gunmen, empowered by their boisterous nature, flung the angular glasses down as a giant boomerang which arced point-first into the EVA's left eye. An explosion of blood signaled their attack's success.
"Okay, left hand, left eye- its whole left side should be weak now," calculated Simon. "GIGA!"
"DRILL!"
"BREAAAK!"
With a flash of blue-green Spiral energy, Gurren Lagann returned to the ground, passing through the Evangelion's left side on its way. Shinji doubled over inside his cockpit, gripping his gut in pain.
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"No more!" he cried. "I give up!"
A massive horn bellowed across the arena, signaling that the battle was over. The victorious Gurren Lagann, drenched in the defeated the EVA's blood, set a course for the tournament grounds.
A pudgy, unkempt man took a spiteful chunk out of a philly cheesesteak sandwich. "It'sh jussh dumb luck," he scoffed. "We would have beat them back then, if it weren't for those randos showin' up."
"Oh, Lord, you just used randos in a sentence," groaned the sharply-dressed man next to him.
"So what? They were."
"When are you going to grow up, Coop?"
"Never, as long as I can help it."
"You keep telling yourself that, see how it turns out."
"Aw, don't be such a grump," prodded Coop. "Where has you acting all professional ever got you?"
"It made me a fortune in a highly competitive field, and got me not one, but two nice-looking things fawning over me."
Coop wrapped his sandwich back up.
"Fine, you win."
The whine of heavy thrust units boomed overhead as the Gunmen landed back in the tournament grounds. Various pilots began to head down the alley formed by the two rows of machines that had parked there.
"ALL RIGHT, GATHER ROUND!"
The booming voice of the event's organizer drew the pilots together in a larger open space at the end of the robot-framed alley. The man stood on a dismembered mechanical hand, conveniently left behind by another fight.
"DO I HAVE EVERYBODY HERE? YES? GOOD!"
He was certainly a loud sort, with equally loud hair tied back with a long-tailed headband- no doubt a testament to his martial arts training. A red cloak was pinned over his khaki jacket, which was unusually heavy apparel for the desert sun. He raised his right hand over the two boys at his side.
"The winners of the last round, SIMON and KAMINA!"
The audience gave a half-hearted cheer.
"What's the matter? Did you forget the reason you signed up for this?" roared the man into the crowd. "You wanted to become the best pilots that you can be! That's why I'm offering to train the winners in the School of Tohoufuhai! Not for bragging rights! Even a defeat is a learning experience!"
"Thank you, Mr. Kasshu," said Simon.
"I'M the one who should be thanking YOU," he replied. "Ever since you showed up you've made it a lot easier to weed out the quitters! There's no room for quitters in the School of Tohoufuhai!"
Kamina swung an arm around the organizer. "Simon, isn't this guy great?"
"Oh, definitely!" agreed the boy. "But, Mr. Kasshu, I was wondering, who do we have to fight next?"
"Well, you've worked your way up the whole bracket. So it's time for you to face the students I've already taught. Inaho, Noriko!"
At his command, a girl and a boy stepped out of the crowd, and gave a respectful bow.
"You'll be fighting Inaho first," Kasshu explained. "So get ready."
"That… is a lot of robots," whispered Ruby, beginning to hyperventilate.
"Yeah, it is," agreed Ryuko. "If Kamina and Simon were anywhere, it'd be here."
"But… what are they all doing here?" asked Katniss.
"Perhaps we should ask that man, over there," suggested Alucard, pointing toward a distant figure reclining in a lawn chair next to an unconventional-looking war machine.
"Twilight, you'll get what information you can out of him, while I get in position," commanded Holly, drawing her Neutrino and engaging her wings.
"Wait, what?" the unicorn cried.
"Just go sit down and act cute!"
Bit reached down and cracked open another can of soda, which he lifted to his lips eagerly. Everybody else was taking this all too seriously- they didn't realize how much fun they could have if they would just kick back and relax. Bit himself found that the shouting man's tournament was fantastic entertainment, what with the clashing robots and the bright lights. And, it gave him an opportunity to finally utilize his secret stash of soft drinks. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, the cola was cherry-flavored, and life was good. He was halfway through a sip when the fireworks displays suddenly got much closer than he had anticipated.
"Hello!" said the small unicorn that materialized in a glowing lavender flash.
Bit coughed up his soda in surprise, and although he was quick to seal his mouth, the effervescent beverage found a new escape route through his nostrils.
"Aiiieee!" he cried, nearly flinging himself out of his lawn chair.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to alarm you!"
"No, no, it's okay," he gasped. "Um, who are you, though?"
"My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I was just wondering about your robot there."
"Well, I'd be happy to tell you about it," the man chuckled. "You see, it's not a robot, it's a Zoid. A fully-mechanical life form."
"Wow," said Twilight, looking up at the great white-on-black creature. Creature was an accurate term, as unlike most of the other machines, it stood on four legs, its sleek body sculpted into the predatory contours of a big cat.
"It's the Liger Zero," he continued. "Super-rare. The old Republic only made, like, three of them before the war ended."
"And there's no pilot lockout systems?"
"No. Zero's a little cantankerous, he doesn't let just anybody pilot him, though."
"That's all I need."
"All you need?" asked Bit, confused.
"All we need," Holly clarified, pressing her Neutrino's barrel against his neck and firing. Bit convulsed and fell to the ground, stunned. The rest of Team Mockingjay burst out of hiding, and closed the gap between them and the great white cat.
"Nice work," called Ryuko, "But what are we supposed to do with this?"
"I do believe Holly intends to pilot it," explained Twilight. The elf confirmed this with a nod.
"Are you sure you can?" asked Katniss.
"Katniss, I could pilot a microwave oven if I wanted to."
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