《Welcome to the Caped Club》Issue 17: Cops and Robbers
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“Hello sir, welcome to First Silver Bank. How can I help you today?” the teller said pleasantly to the young man stepping up. He had long brown hair, a red sportsjacket, intense hazel eyes, and a winning smile.
“Yes, I’d like to make a withdrawal?” he said.
“Certainly. Name?” she asked, pulling out a slip. He peered behind her, at the heavy door to the left.
“Is that the vault?” he asked, leaning on the counter. She moved her head in front of him, surreptitiously putting a finger on the silent alarm. This was Silver City, after all.
“Yes, but that’s not important. Name, please?” she said.
“Oh, I’m sorry. It’s First Law.” he said, slowly pushing his hand into the counter...and through it, the reinforced plastic crumbling like tissue paper. “The withdrawal will be total.”
“Oh not again, third time this season, SECURITY!” the teller shouted, diving away and tucking into a ball facing the wall. The other tellers grumbled, one hitting the panic button while they hit the deck. First Law blinked in confusion as the customers either ducked out the door or laid on the floor, hands on their heads with practiced precision.
“Err...okay?” he said, looking around as an alarm sounded.
“Lemme guess, you’re from outta town.” the teller said.
“Yeah?” She sighed.
“We know the drill. Just don’t hurt anybody and try to keep damage to a minimum, please? I can’t afford another insurance hike.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” he said, vaulting over the counter. No point in not, if they were going to be so courteous. He headed to the vault when he heard boots behind him.
“Halt! Hands in the air!” Two men in security uniforms were pointing guns at him. He smirked.
“Go ahead and shoot, if it’ll make you happy.” he waved off, turning back to the vault. Without a word they opened fire.
The bullets that hit him ricocheted off like the ones hitting the vault door. First Law continued, unperturbed.
“See? Told you.” he said, stuffing money in a bag and his pockets.
They cursed, but sat down, radioing for help.
“Might as well not bother. I’ve seen your supers, none of ‘em can match me. Hell, with my power, not even the Champion could stand up to me." He slung the bag of money over his shoulder, flexing his hand menacingly.
He strode unchallenged through the bank, no one able, or even willing to stand up to him. “Wow, this’s nice. So much better than the other towns, they keep trying to escalate. I have to come back here!” First Law said cheerfully, to a chorus of disheartened groans. He grinned as he made his way to the street, where he saw a gold naked man, a circus strongman, and midget in a coat. No, just a kid.
“See, dear fellows? That alarm meant trouble!” Golden Gazelle proclaimed,
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“Oh, you're that deer hero guy.” First Law said, not even bothering to hide what he’d done.
“Stand back, my trainees! I shall apprehend this villain with utmost grace and skill!” Gazelle proclaimed. Throwing his arms back and shoving his chest out.
“Gazelle, I don’t think fighting an enemy with an unknown power’s a-”
“Graceful...GAZELLE KICK!” He bounded up and leapt, soaring up and throwing a swift roundhouse kick at the supervillain’s head. His toned shin met his temple...and stopped like hitting solid steel.
The hero gasped, falling to the ground cradling his broken leg with a whimper. The villain simply grinned.
“An object at rest stays at rest.”
“Oh jeez oh jeez! Uh, uh, I got it! C’mon!” Morph flexed, spiky protrusions jutting from his body and knuckles. “Take this you freak!” He jumped at the cocky villain with snarl, ready to cut loose...and was caught in midair, then thrown aside.
“Stay back! First rule of super heroing: ensure the safety of civilians! Second rule: don’t engage an enemy with unknown capabilities head-on!” Star-Strong stepped forward, his eyes never leaving the villain. “You get the first rule, while I work on the second.”
Morph sat up, clearing his head from the tumble.
“But I can-”
“AM I CLEAR!?” Star-Strong shouted, facing the sidekick. Morph froze, then nodded immediately. He felt like when he was in trouble with his mom, and if he didn’t do what she said he’d get whupped.
“Everyone stand back! Stay clear! Go on, get outta here!” He started herding the onlookers out of the area.
“Man, you’re loud.” the villain said, cleaning his ear. He still had that grin on his face.
“I find I have to be.” Star-Strong turned back to him, cape fluttering. “So what are you called? You don’t have super strength, not even a hair moved when he kicked you.” He raised his fists. First Law gave a low whistle.
“You’re sharp. Name’s First Law, it’s kind of my thing. I’m basically invincible, both an unstoppable force and an immovable object.”
“So it seems, but I’ve yet to try my luck.” Star-Strong said.
“Go ahead. No, really. Lay one on me.” First Law pointed to his chin, mugging for him. “You’ll end up like the guy on the ground.”
“Get...yourselves to...safety.” Golden Gazelle grunted. “I’ll...handle this…”
“You take it easy. I got this.” Star-Strong said. He still glowered at the villain.
“How noble. But y’see-”
“Hah!” Star-Strong charged the smirking villain, swinging his fist...into the ground below. Concrete chips exploded upwards, pelting the bank robber like bullets. The probationary hero paid close attention. They struck him, then turned into puffs of dust, like hitting a steel wall. He immediately whirled to the fallen Gazelle.
“Is your leg still intact!?” he hollered. Morph was helping him up.
“I managed to pull the kick enough to keep it so! Be careful, his power is strange! Touching him is a very bad idea!”
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“Told you so.” First Law smirked, folding his eyes. Star-Strong narrowed his eyes.
“Your power- it has to do with inertia, doesn’t it?” he said with a raised eyebrow.
“Bingo! My personal inertia can override the inertia of other objects. How hard something is doesn’t matter. I’ll destroy it in one hit!” He waved his arms at the star-spangled hero. Max desperately avoided them, the immensity of his own powers now meaningless. He still needed to interact with physics!
Star-Strong leapt back, First Law grazing his cape and disintegrating where he touched. Max grimaced at the tattered cloth.
“Brand new, and already torn. Tch. I can see why you call yourself First Law, very impressive actually.” he said, running over the facts of the powers. There was no way he could directly touch him, which limited his options. He glanced around, the cops weren’t here yet. The best way to combat him was an indirect attack, like with tear gas.
It was a good thing Talaxnia wasn’t here, he mused. She’d have torn off every limb trying to get him.
“Heh. Now that you know how powerful I am, I’m heading home. You can follow me if you want, but be careful. I might go through an orphanage or something.” First Law said. He jumped forward and activated his power, floating through the air in a direct line.
“No you don’t!” Star-Strong declared. He had to keep him here. This one was way too strong to let loose!
“Let him go, lad! It’s not worth your life!” Golden Gazelle called, Morph shapeshifting into a crutch.
“A real hero doesn’t give it up, but risks his life if that’s what it takes!” Star-Strong said, setting down like a sprinter. He pushed off and launched himself in the same direction, overtaking the thief and skidding to a stop.
“Very impressive, you should go for track!” First Law said as he floated past. Star-Strong grinned.
“No thanks, I prefer sleight of hand.” he said, holding up the bag of money. First Law stared at the torn cloth in his hand, then turned stormy.
“Give that to me. It’s mine.” he said darkly, ceasing his levitation.
“I think not. It belongs to the good customers of this bank, they don’t need you taking their hard-earned savings.” the hero replied.
“You for real?” First Law swung his arms at him. The villain was no fighter; he relied upon his overwhelming power to see him through. One hit was an instant kill, but Max was able to see the hits coming and dodge out of the way. And there was no chance of retaliation! Something had to give.
“Stand still!” First Law growled, raising both hands to charge the caped hero, murder in his eye. Max backed up, his back hitting the banks’ window-with people behind it! Not good! “Die!”
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!”
Both Star-Strong and First Law were nearly bowled over by the concussive sound. They flinched, Star-Strong taking it noticeably better as he saw the source. The sound of a guitar solo made the watching citizens cheer.
“Hey there. Thought you could use some help.”
The man was tall, over six feet, hair black with streaks of fiery orange, a pink bead hanging from a single longer strand. Heavy-duty headphones hung around his neck, underneath the high collar of his long black overcoat. Fingerless gloves strummed a guitar below his shirt, with a jagged musical note as his symbol. His aged, weathered face folded into a smile as he played a melody.
“Not another wanna-be! Clear off!” First Law jumped at him, straight in to destroy him.
“No!” Star-Strong shouted, too late to stop it.
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!”
Dust and loose trash kicked up as the stranger screamed, his voice projecting super-natural soundwave power that First Law leapt straight into, hands on his ears, his own howls of agony drowned out. The bank robber’s skin rippled as he got closer, tearing with his clothes at the sheer force the voice was emitting with. The man didn’t even look like he was trying, standing there singing. First Law cancelled his power and collapsed in a whimpering ball, hands glued to his ears.
“Sorry about that. Guess the last thing you heard was...a funeral Dirge.” He winked as the crowd erupted in cheers and chants, walking over in his spiked boots to handcuff the villain.
“Hello there! Thanks for the assistance!” Star-Strong said, rubbing his ear. He heard ringing.
“No prob. Glad to be of help.” the man said, the police finally arriving.
“I’m going to guess you’re this Dirge fellow that protects Silver City?” Star-Strong said, the cops carefully strapping First Law to a gurney. “It should be alright now that he can’t move. An object at rest stays at rest, after all!”
“Cute.” Dirge said, shaking his hand. His normal speaking voice was surprisingly gravelly. “And you must be that mysterious giant that I ended my tour to find, huh?”
“Hello! Sir Dirge!” Golden Gazelle hobbled over, and Morph turned back to normal when the medical team arrived.
“So, you’re the new heroes in town. Tell you what, there’s a good hole in the wall a couple blocks down town. Join me for a cup of coffee, both of you. I’d like to meet such promising up-and-comers, chat a little. What do you say?” Dirge said in a friendly tone.
“Well, it’s actually just our first day, we really should get back to-” Star-Strong started.
“Nonsense. C’mon, it’s on me.” Dirge insisted.
“We-We’d love to!” Morph exclaimed, finally finding his voice. It was Dirge! Right here! Right there! Dirge!
Star-Strong raised an eyebrow at the boy, who managed to look sheepish even through his mask.
“Great. C’mon, fighting crime makes you thirsty.”
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