A large, bright sun basked the metropolitan landscape below in its fiery radiance, reflecting against the towering glass-covered structures that were my current life. I shielded my eyes against the rays and directed my attention to the street below. A warm breeze brushed past my face, rustling the leaves in the verdant trees, carrying the vitality and lively exuberance of spring.

I made sure not to lean out too much from the lift as I scrutinized the tiny people below.

They’re like ants.

Too focused on their jobs to pay heed to the abundance of nature that allowed their town to become prosperous. They were too deeply immersed in their concerns about day-to-day troubles to worry about small things like the weather. Their lives were so robotic, endlessly going through the same routine.

Despite their busy lives, they all served a purpose in their way. Somewhere, they truly belonged. They were useful and valuable, unlike me. I am trash. Nothing. Uselessness. A blemish in the existential records of the universe. A glitch. An anomaly. A mistake. Something was always off about my life. I never fit in anywhere, no matter where I looked or how hard I tried. And silly me, I thought it was because I was some extraordinary, eccentric genius of the century, destined to make significant waves. But reality hit me with the cold, hard truth.

I am nothing.

I might be smarter than most, but it never mattered to anyone. In my desperation for recognition, I sought meaning; God. I remember a verse in the Bible that says, 'Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest,’ but I never found such solace, no matter how hard I searched. Then I realized God doesn't care about me in the least. He may care for others, but not me.

‘Could he not see me, or did the universe want me dead? Not merely the stopping of my breath, but the total erasure of my existence?’

I shook the uncomfortable thoughts out of my head and dipped a rag into the sudsy bucket. My hand slid swiftly over the glass, creating an arc free from dust and grime but now sparkling with cloudy water. The wiper I was supposed to be using broke this morning, forcing me to use this worthless rag. It’s just another way the universe punishes me for existing.

There was no way I'd dare tell my hot-headed boss about it. I was currently eighty meters in the air and had just started on the first window. I let out a long sigh as I took in the seemingly endless windows around me. Despair was slowly filling my heart. I smashed the rag against the window again and created another streaky rainbow.

It was still early morning. The rush hour had already begun, and classes would start in about four hours. There was no way I’d finish this in time. I moved across the building, wiping away the dirt as fast as I could. After a couple of hours, I lowered the lift to the ground and walked inside the building, bracing myself for what was coming.

‘How am I going to explain?’

I zipped down the bleak corridors to the elevator and tried my best to ignore the stares of the people inside as I squeezed into the compartment like a sardine.

I reached for the top button, the last floor where my boss had his office. The elevator traveled upwards, highlighted with the occasional melodic *ding* and some extra breathing room. My mind raced through defensive strategies that might come in handy in a few minutes. His ruthless accusations that I inevitably failed to parry cut through my concentration.

I looked up from the carpeted floor, where my gaze had unfocused, as the doors finally opened for the last stop. The familiar myriad of offices in front of me with their stark white walls and cheap brown doors sprawled out like a dense jungle filled with suits and ties. My worn work boots slowly stepped out onto a ‘pristine’ floor. I tried to go unnoticed as I headed to the big office. My mind once again went over the words to say. I reached out to knock on the door but stopped short. There were moaning sounds coming from inside.

I understood immediately and retreated to the waiting room, anxiously checking my watch. Only an hour left until school starts.

‘Will I have time to catch a bus?’

I twiddled my thumbs, and my thoughts slowly spiraled down into a dark abyss.

When my sister and I were little, I’d rip apart her dolls when I was angry and blame it on the dog. She’d cry her eyes out while I smiled. If I had known… I would have been nicer. I should’ve treated her better.

My dad took her death a lot harder than I could have ever imagined. He changed. He took up smoking and became more aggressive, with loud outbursts that led to angry punches thrown at my mom. I almost always came home to find the aftermath of bruises and black eyes. For my mom, the brightest joy in her life had left her forever. She never cooked again, forcing me to fend for myself most days, but I didn’t complain. Whenever someone asked, she'd force a smile and say everything was okay. I knew she was trying to be strong for me. But I knew she wasn't okay. I drowned in my sorrows, not unlike my dad. I tried singing. My childish voice gave me hope, but that too was soon taken from me as puberty crushed that dream of salvation.

High school was another terrible experience. I wasn’t noteworthy enough to be recognized, nor likable enough to have friends. They shunned me, and on the rare occasion they acknowledged my existence, it was to mock me. I tried not to bear any grudges, though, as I had gradually convinced myself I was nothing but a background character, an extra - unimportant.

I thought I might have friends. Their brief contact gave me a modicum of hope that I wasn't worthless. However, I soon realized they were opportunists. They’d only meet me when they wanted something. I’d oblige, happy for the attention, even if reality gnawed at the back of my mind. I sought approval but instead got labeled an attention-seeking, ass-kissing freak.

I finally broke, so depressed that I barely felt anymore. Clearly, I was not meant to exist. If I ever tried to leave a mark, the universe would erase it.

I was awakened from my brooding by the clack of the door handle turning.

A bright, youthful lady with plenty of freckles strutted out, adjusting her tight miniskirt. She took lipstick from her peach-colored purse and revived the pale shade of red on her lips. Confident strides, her eyes raised higher than the sky, she was probably one of those power-hungry women who weren’t afraid to do anything (or anyone?) to get what she wanted.

Her bosom was unbelievably large, to the point where I couldn’t stop staring at it. My face briefly flushed with heat, but I tore my unworthy eyes away, and the excitement fizzled out. She glanced over at me and flashed a bright smile before walking out. I stood up and returned to the office, took a deep breath, and opened the door, completely forgetting to knock. I looked at the man behind the large mahogany desk. It was tall, although the height wasn't apparent while he sat elevated behind it.

His chiseled features and handsome yet somewhat fat face gave him a charismatic and threatening aura. In complete contrast was his body. His stomach protruded, putting immense stress on the business suit he was wearing. I stood there silently, frozen and staring, afraid to speak. He slowly unbuttoned his vest and breathed a sigh of relief.

He finally noticed me. “Damn! Didn't your parents teach you how to knock?” he bellowed.

“I-I'm sorry,” I stammered an apology, my chest tightening.

“Whatever. Why are you here? You done with the windows?" he asked sternly, adjusting his jacket and quickly buttoning it up again.

“About that…”

“Yes?” he barked. “Out with it!”

He stared down his nose suspiciously at me. I was already crucified.

"I came to say that I couldn't finish all the windows in time. My classes are just about to start, and I promised that I wouldn’t be late again. So... I thought maybe I’d come back later in the evening to finish up?”

My stomach knotted as I spoke, my eyes focused on the floor, not daring to meet his gaze as I announced my failure. I carefully glanced up.

“Hmm…” he said thoughtfully as he looked me straight in the eyes.

His face, completely stoic, “Okay, you're fired.”

“B-but sir - I need the money!” I stuttered in shock.

‘He can't fire me. He can't! Where will I get the money?’

“You useless good-for-nothing! You can't even do one simple job, and all you’re thinking about is cash?!? Get the FUCK out of my sight!” His words pierced through me like needles.

“Yeah,” I said, devoid of emotion. I trudged out of the room and closed the door behind me.

The scene replayed in my mind as I walked back to the elevator. Pushing the button, I slumped against the wall and waited for it to arrive. I sighed, shifted my stance, tried to get comfortable, and sighed again. I had no energy to get upset; I was just tired.

I hated working here anyway. I had found work because my dad wouldn’t send me any money. He’d spend it all on alcohol instead, so I worried about the future. I tried to make a path for myself by enrolling at a prestigious university for computer programming.

It was an escape. I chose it to stare at a screen for hours on end, which would distract me from contemplating my pointless existence. Tears rolled down my cheek. I had told myself not to care anymore, not to feel anything, but deep down, it always hurt. My emotions burned within, desperation slowly creeping up on me - I wanted this to end.

My eyes locked onto an open window close by, with only one thing in mind. I wanted to be free of my damned existence. The feeling of anger, sadness, emptiness, and loneliness all collided inside my already overloaded head. One aim slowly burned into my mind. My body resisted at first, as the instinct for self-preservation would give pause for most living creatures. But soon, the pain would end. I would correct the mistake. An insignificant drop in the ocean would disappear, but nothing would change.

'It'll all be over.'

I ran towards the opening, kicked off from the frame, and propelled myself into the air.

The wind blew through my hair as gravity finally took hold. I closed my eyes in satisfaction, and a smile formed across my face as the screams echoing from above faded away.