《Trash》Guilt
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She remembered him. He had this mysteriousness about him, impossible to predict, always aloof about his surroundings. They had first bumped into each other during orientation.
“Hey! Watch where you’re going!!” She shoved him.
“I’m sorry,” He said lifelessly. “My head’s in the clouds again, always trying to escape from the shackles of my existence”.
He flashed a short, uneasy smile and walked away briskly.
It left something in her, she couldn’t tell what it was. The way he talked? His body language? There was just something about him that left an impression. They’d met a few other times because as it ‘conveniently’ happens, he studies under the same faculty. Their eyes would lock for a few seconds before he would seem to recall something, then walk away coldly. And there was the inexplicable feeling she felt each time. You wouldn’t call it love or attraction, that simply wasn’t it. It was novel to her and no matter how hard she tried to understand it, she just couldn’t.
Of course, she shared this with Mia, and her not knowing his name led them to tag him ‘the quiet guy’ in their conversations about him. She had eventually approached him head-on, wanting to clear up whatever that feeling was.
“Hey” She had called out to him as he walked down the corridor. At the time, they were in the second building belonging to the Faculty of Science.
He stopped in his tracks, the resounding echo of footsteps abruptly ceasing. He looked so imaginary like he would fade away the moment if she turned her eyes away for just a second. He turned, his gaze seemed to bore into her soul leaving no stone unturned but something fatigued his expression like he was constantly exhausted. He became startled as soon as he recognized her and turned to leave.
“Hey stop!” She called, her voice reverberating around the walls.
“Why?” She finally heard him say in an almost whisper.
“What?” it confused her
‘Why what?’
“Why are you talking to someone like me? I’m a nobody,”. He whispered again.
She was taken aback.
‘Why’
Her thoughts had flashed on her lifestyle then. Truly, in her context, he was a nobody. Apart from their encounters, she’d only seen him at presentations where attendance was compulsory. They lived in different worlds. People surrounded and liked her, and he was avoided and shunned. A barrier though it was subtle, it still existed. And yet there she had broken the barrier to approach him.
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‘Why?’
She lowered her head, her mind racing for answers, but by the time she looked up, he was gone, almost as if she’d imagined him.
She shook her vigorously to dispel her thoughts.
It was now the day after the accident and he laid comatose in the hospital. And since then thoughts of him crept up constantly like a never-ending dream. She was walking down her usual route to her class. The university had offered her leave to recuperate from the trauma, but she vehemently refused. Weakening her status further was not an option.
She had headphones on, blaring her favorite tunes to distract her from thinking about him, but it was of no use. The music had turned into background noise. She forcefully shifted her thoughts of him to the revenge plan on Jamie. Up till now, Nothing.
‘There has to be someway’
The class building came into sight with a flurry of students entering. She took off her headphones. How was she going to handle it, their looks of pity and sympathy? some would be happy, happy at her misfortune.
“Just ignore, Sarah,” She told herself
A distant voice rang from behind.
“Sarah!”
She cringed instantly and dashed towards the class building, hoping she would make it and avoid being pulled into a conversation with him. Some people wouldn’t take the hint. Even when he knew she was dating someone else, he still insisted. Her body froze as a palm grabbed her shoulder from behind.
“I was… yelling… your…. name…. Didn’t you hear?”. Hot breath being forced through his mouth in rapid bursts.
“Get your hands off me, Allen Horton” She stressed the last two words without turning back.
“Spelling out my full name? Mama must be mad,” He teased with a chuckle and removed his hand.
“What do you want? My class is about to start, ” She said, detached. Irritation slowly rising.
“Calm down mama” He replied in his thick British accent.
She finally turned to face him. Her heart fluttered a little as she gazed upon him. Jet black hair, glittering arctic blue eyes, a rare sight for ebony skin types. Saying he was God’s gift to women would be a gross understatement.
"I heard you were involved in an accident, came to see how you were holding up" His voice had dialed down, brimming with concern.
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She avoided staring into his eyes or risk becoming one of his numerous victims by his enchanting eyes. "As you can see, I'm holding up just fine." She replied curtly.
He held her hands in his, taking her by surprise. Another ripple surfaced in her heart.
"Are you sure?" He asked, rubbing her hands softly.
Her thoughts conflicted at those words.
‘Am I sure? Can I be sure? What’s stopping me?’
The heat from his hands seared all the way to her toes and her whole body tingled with electric desire.
‘What about love?’
A decision slowly took root in her mind. She looked into his beautiful eyes but she wasn’t enthralled. Only pity existed in her heart now, pity for what she was going to do. So nice, caring, and not forgetting he was smitten with her but he was about to become nothing but a vent for the frustrations she’d bottled up.
She stepped forward and embraced him, his body flinched slightly in surprise before accommodating her. She took in his deep masculine scent and let go.
“I’m not sure I can attend classes today,” She said nestling deep into his embrace.
“It’s okay, which hostel do you stay in?”
“I live in the area of the private apartment” She muttered softly.
“Let’s go then, don’t worry I’ll get someone to do your notes,” He said softly, pulling her gently away from his embrace, his eyes never leaving hers and they walked together towards her apartment hand in hand.
“We’re here,” Sarah said as her crib came into view.
“Guess, this is where part ways,” He said unhappily, his hand gripping hers tighter.
“Guess so” She replied
“You’ll be alright, don’t worry” He reassured with his hands on her face. She noticed the reluctance in his eyes, reluctance that covered up the ache in his heart. Now was the crucial moment, if she let it slide he would walk away, and no way she was letting her vent slip through her fingers. This was something she’d done several times.
He turned to leave, it was now or never. She grabbed his arm
“No, wait! Please stay with me for a little while” She said coquettishly.
He stared into her eyes for a moment, the longer it lasted the sicker she felt on the inside.
“Okay,” He said softly and stood quietly as she made a show of fumbling with her keys before opening the door. The door opened finally and two figures walked in closing the door behind them.
His mouth opened, words beginning to form but she silenced them with her lips. His hands ran over her body igniting desire. More, she needed more to forget to move past the pain. They landed on the bed. Clothes, quickly undone. Their lips separated for air before locking again. His warmth, his passion she wanted it all.
His thickness engulfed her suddenly and she melted into his embrace. His warm breath brushed against her skin with every stroke, making her gasp each time. She pushed deeper into him wanting more. She whispered into his ears
“Faster, please”
And suddenly the wave of passion rose, crashing harder each time, faster each moment. She trembled as he filled her again and again. He came out, bent her over and hotness rushed through her filling her emptiness.
‘More, more more’
There was nothing else on her mind as they collided passionately.
He smiled at her as they laid in she laid in his embrace, the aftermath of passion. They would never be together but now he was hopelessly ensnared, something she would have to painfully deal with. He came up again, his lost expression. The last time she saw him. The breakup with Jamie had just happened. She’d stormed off his hotel room, her anger mixed with the pain of betrayal billowing. Coincidentally, she ran into him, he wanted to help but her reply
“Leave me alone, weirdo!!!” and only a week later he tried to kill himself.
It killed her inside, she should have never said those words to him, she should have apologized but she didn’t, she should have reached out more, tried harder. She buried her head into Allen’s bosom, tears rushing forth
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