It happened again. By now you should know the backstory: NEET that, for whatever reason, decided to leave the house, only to become roadkill. Then comes the fated meeting with God, who says he made a mistake, giving me the chance of being reincarnated into another world.

So, as I stared into the clouds and whiteness of heaven, I mulled over my options. After the life I had before, I didn’t care too much for another one.

‘Can I stay here?’ I asked, unable to see God’s face through the same light that occurred during ecchi moments in anime.

‘No,’ was the response I got. ‘I don’t have fibre optic and am unwilling to share the wifi.’

Is this really what people worshipped?

‘But,’ he added, ‘I can turn your likelihood-of-getting-a-harem stat up to level ten in the next world.’

‘There’s a stat for that?’ I said out loud.

‘Yes. There is one.’

A blue screen popped up in front of me. In small print on the bottom it said ‘Harem stat: 0’. Wait. Zero? I never had a chance to get a harem at all in my old life? What the hell God! Then again I was a shut-in NEET. Not surprising now I that I think about it.

‘Will I become a main character?’

‘Sure. I was going to make you one anyway.’

‘Eh? Well, If I must, I don’t want to be a human at least. I’ve had enough of our race.’

‘Would you like to be a sentient animal then?’

‘No, no. For some reason they get a weird harem regardless and awaken people’s sick fetishes.’

‘I know. Those R34 artists…’

‘What?’

‘Nothing,’ God said, waving his hands, shooing off the thought.

‘Alright then.’

‘Animals are off then. Maybe a carnivorous plant, or how about an evolving virus.’

‘Nah. That’s being overdone.’

‘Then how about a treasure chest? After all, everybody loves large chests.’

I thought about the idea for a moment. It was a unique concept, but I couldn’t shake off the feeling that I would still get into situations I had no business getting into. To be honest, I wasn’t sure having a second life would be that great either. It would mean any good would have come from luck and God’s whim to increase my stats as an apology.

‘You know what,’ I said at last. ‘Screw main characters. I don’t want to do this. Just extinguish my life force completely. No need for reincarnation.’

‘Screw main characters, eh? I think I know just the thing,’ he contemplated, as he waved his hand at me.

‘Wait,’ I protested, but it was too late. Of course it was.

And that’s how I became the infamous truck-kun.

****

There he was. My first target. He wore a tracksuit and carried a shopping bag. My radar was going off the charts. Not only did my systems tell me that this man had not been seen for several months, but he possesses a tragic backstory. Prime MC material.

I knew just the bait for these types of people. I used my ‘create woman’ skill and a few hundred metres was the most beautiful woman you would ever meet. Just like that, the MC’s attention was caught and the bait was taken.

I honked my horns, flashed my headlights, saw the petrified gaze of the woman that I had just spawned. Then I watched as the very bait gets pushed by our protagonist.

The MC wouldn’t see what happened next; the police that came to investigate, the medics failed miserably at reviving him and the girl he saved was nowhere to be seen.

It was about time that I, truck-kun, left the scene of the crime too. No one questions the faulty vehicle or the non-existent drive after all.

This was how it always was. It never changes. My stories had been mentioned in your literature hundreds of times. I had unlimited fuel, so I could purge the world of these MCs. From the spiky multi-coloured man to the several (and I mean several) NEETs, I was always there to send them to the other world. I am truck-kun.