In the morning, after stacks of pancakes, bacon, and several glasses of freshly squeezed orange juice were devoured, the family divided into groups. Grandpa and Jonathan headed to the woods with Clement, Steffie and Felicity to pick the best Christmas tree. Grandmother picked Sarah and Hope with her for baking duty while Grace and Gloria took Amity and Verity on cleaning duty. Sarah was happy about her luck even though she knew they would be swapping at some point. Puppy Harlowe slept happily in near grandmother’s feet, basking in the warmth of the preheating oven.

While grandmother was boiling cranberry sauce and three other preserves on the stovetop, Sarah and Hope kneaded bread dough at the kitchen table. Somehow grandma had already prepped the dough that morning and now it was proved and ready to be kneaded and turned into different types of bread. Some loaves would get dried berries and raisins in them, some would receive nuts and slathered in honey, and few would be filled with grandma’s herb and spice spread. The herb bread was Sarah’s favourite, and she could’ve finished loaves of it by herself.

For a while they worked in silence while Christmas songs played on the background. Eventually, the silence grew too strong for Hope, who had been thinking a lot of things since the previous night. Sarah’s words had been encouraging. She felt stronger after telling someone about her girlfriend. She wanted to be openly part of the relationship discussions and feel awkward in a good way when someone asked how Maribelle was doing. She wanted to introduce her to her parents, but that was long way away still.

“Does your dad know that you’re dating?” Hope asked Sarah.

“Hmm? Yeah, he was the first to know actually.”

“How did you tell him?”

“It was kind of an accident. I didn’t mean to tell him when I did. His new girlfriend came to visit when I was there, and she asked if I had a boyfriend. I got a bit embarrassed and tried to deny it, but she caught onto it. So, I thought I might as well tell.”

“Marcus has a girlfriend?” grandmother injected herself into the conversation.

“Yeah. Her name is Lena. She’s a teacher.”

It felt weird to call an adult woman a girlfriend, but lady friend didn’t sound quite right either. And partner was maybe a bit too official, although Sarah didn’t know how serious her dad was with Lena. She assumed serious, since they had gone to a spa resort holiday for Christmas.

“Interesting,” grandmother muttered and returned to her cooking. Sarah was ready to bet that this topic would come up later with her mother.

“What did your dad say?” Hope asked, focusing again on Sarah.

“He was surprised, but overall pretty chill. He’s met Castiel already. They get along really well.”.

“How about your mum?”

Sarah wiped her forehead with the back of her hand.

“She, uh, didn’t take it quite as well,” she said and flashed a smile. She lowered her voice so grandma wouldn’t hear. “She saw the hickey Castiel gave me and blew a lid.”

Hope whistled. “Damn. That is one way to tell I suppose.”

“I definitely didn’t mean to tell her like that. I even concealed the mark with make-up, but it got smudged away by a scarf. She came around later on. But there was a lot of unnecessary negativity we could’ve avoided.”

“Good that you solved things though. It’d be a shame if your parents didn’t accept him.”

Sarah glanced at Hope who stared intently at the bread dough.

“I was worried that they wouldn’t like him,” Sarah said. “Castiel isn’t exactly the kind of guy anyone would probably imagine with me. He has kind of a bad boy vibe going on. He can be grumpy and a bit harsh with his words.”

If Sarah was honest, she was also surprised at how much she had started to like Castiel. If someone had asked her a year, or even few months ago, who from her class she’d be dating, Castiel wouldn’t have been first or even third or fourth option. But as a surprise to everyone, they got along extremely well after the initial bumps. Sarah was sure her parents could see that as well, and it eased their worried hearts.

“Even if my parents hadn’t accepted him at first, I’m sure they would’ve come around eventually,” Sarah said and poured dried fruits in her bread dough before kneading it again. “And even if they hadn’t liked Castiel, it wouldn’t have changed my opinion or feelings towards him. Of course, I would want my parents to like my boyfriend, but my own feelings are more important to me than my parents’. I know him better than they do, and my life is my own.”

Hope nodded and blinked her eyes rapidly to get rid of the stinging that threatened to turn into tears. She took a deep breath so her voice wouldn’t falter.

“That’s good mentality,” she said, managing to keep her voice normal.

“Yeah. But I think, realistically, I would’ve felt really bad if my parents didn’t like Castiel. I can say and imagine that I wouldn’t care, but I would’ve. It wouldn’t have made me to break up or anything, but I would’ve been upset for a while.”

Sarah’s short fight with her mother had already been upsetting enough. She didn’t want to think what it would’ve been like if she had no support from her family for the relationship. It would’ve been rough.

“I guess, in the end only you can decide how much weight you put for other people’s opinions and how you let that affect you. If you really know you are a good couple, and if you have other people that support you, then a few people disagreeing shouldn’t matter much in the end. Or that’s how I see it at least.”

“Those are some smart words, Sarah.”

Grandma’s voice made both girls jump. They had forgotten she was in the room with them.

“It is always good to listen to other people’s opinions, but you shouldn’t put too much weight on them. Most of the time you are the best person to judge what is good for yourself.”

Saran and Hope smiled.

“Thanks, grandma,” Hope said. “And thank you, too,” she added with a lower voice to Sarah. “You’re so nice.”

“I hope my rambling made some sense,” Sarah muttered. She felt a blush creeping on her cheeks. She wasn’t used to giving advice on such complicated topics. She hadn’t really thought about what she said. The words had just come out of her mouth, but maybe there was some sense in them. It would be nice if she had been able to give genuine and good advice. Hope’s situation was more complicated than Sarah’s, but maybe some parts of her speech were still useful.

They continued to work on the breads in silence, trying to pick up the pace that had slowed down during their talk. Swiftly the girls kneaded and shaped the breads into loaves. It was a relief to place the breads on the baking trays or loaf pans to rest for a few moments before they would head into the oven. They washed their hands and slumped into the chairs, arms aching from the work.

When the breads moved into the oven to bake, Sarah and Hope moved to help grandma in bottling all the preserves. Every year Sarah questioned if they really needed this much jam, or any other food they made in heaps, but somehow it always got used.

The scent of fresh bread spreading through the house pulled the cleaning crew to the kitchen as well, hungry for taste testing. Sarah and Hope had been swapping baking trays in and out of the oven like in a professional bakery. Sarah’s stomach growled when the different scents of breads filled her nose: herbs, fruits, nuts. It was all so tempting.

When grandma sliced one bread onto a plate, the pieces disappeared fast. Butter melted in the warm bread. Sarah closed her eyes in delight when she bit into the bread. She was in heaven. They discussed the plans for the rest of the day while destroying the bread loaf. Sarah and Hope would join their mothers in cleaning duty next to dust rugs and bedding. Amity and Verity would get the joy of preparing biscuit doughs and pie crusts they would then bake in a few days.

Even though Sarah wasn’t the biggest fan of cleaning and even less of a fan of shivering outside while beating rugs and avoiding the dust clouds, at least being outside gave her and Hope an opportunity to talk more freely. Because it became apparent, that Hope really wanted to talk about her girlfriend with someone. It was adorable to listen how she described their first meeting, how they became friends, and how the shy and scary feelings of crush developed.

“I was kind of terrified,” Hope said and stretched her arms. “I had dated a boy once on eighth grade, but it lasted two weeks so it doesn’t even count. I didn’t really have crushes on anyone. And then Maribelle comes and bam. I can’t stop thinking about her. I get butterflies, and I keep thinking how nice it’d be to hold her hand or hug her or,” Hope’s cheeks flushed, “kiss her. I had no idea what was happening.”

Sarah hummed in sympathy. It must’ve been confusing. She had been confused and a bit scared too, and her crush at least fit within the traditional expectations of the society.

“It led to a lot of googling. And honestly, the results were more confusing than helpful,” Hope said with a laugh. “There are so many different sexualities. I still don’t know what I identify as.”

“Well, you don’t need to know right away. These are new feelings for you, so it makes sense it’s hard to figure out. You don’t need to identify as anything if you feel like you aren’t ready yet.”

Hope didn’t say anything in a while, and Sarah gave her space. She hoped she hadn’t said anything that upset her cousin. She was speaking her own thoughts, not with any kind of expertise or actual knowledge about these things.

“I’m obviously at least bisexual,” Hope said then, breaking the silence. “But I feel like I’m more likely a lesbian. It feels more right. Maybe demiromantic too. I haven’t really been interested in dating before I got to know Mari.”

Sarah nodded along and let Hope talk through her feelings. She hadn’t talked about the topic even with her sisters to this extent. Sarah felt quite honoured that she was the first one Hope opened up to, even if it was just because it was easier to talk to someone who was (almost) a stranger.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” Sarah said, “and I’m sure Maribelle can help you. She probably knows more about this stuff. And it’s not like you need to pick a sexuality and stick to it. If you identify as bisexual now but realize later it doesn’t suit you and you are lesbian, then you can do that. ‘Hey, I thought I was bisexual, but I realized I’m actually lesbian.’ Or something else. And that’s alright.”

Hope nodded and sniffled quietly, wiping her nose with the back of her glove.

“You’re so precious,” she said, “thanks for listening to me.”

Sarah smiled softly, and patted Hope’s arm.

“It’s no problem at all,” she said.

Hope jumped to hug Sarah. She froze in surprise when her cousin squeezed Sarah tight. Sarah smiled and rubbed Hope’s shoulders while she sniffed again.

Loud voices coming from distance pulled the girls out of the moment. Hope quickly wiped her eyes and cheeks, and they turned to look to the direction of the sounds.

The tree-retrieving expedition was returning home. Apparently, the girls had given up on walking at some point, since their granddad was carrying Steffie on his back, and Felicity’s dad was carrying his daughter. Clement pulled the small sled the tree was tied on proud of the responsibility he was given, even though he didn’t show it. Sarah felt bad for his grandpa who had to carry Steffie in the almost knee-deep snow.

When the group arrived to the edge of the yard, the girls hopped down and rushed to Sarah and Hope with no sign of tiredness.

“Sarah! We found the tree!”

“And we saw a rabbit!”

“And a squirrel!”

“Wow. That is great,” Sarah said.

The little girls were covered in snow. Their cheeks were bright red, and their noses were runny.

“You should probably go inside to warm up. Ask if grandma has hot chocolate,” Hope said.

The little girls nodded and ran inside. Clement and grandpa went to put the tree away. Hope’s dad walked to towards Sarah and Hope.

“I can finish these off. Go inside and have something warm to drink.”

“Thanks.”

Sarah and Hope scooped up all the already beaten rugs and duvets and headed inside. It was a relief to get back inside where the air was warm, and scent of fresh bread and baked biscuits filled the air.

Eventually everyone gathered around the large dinner table to share a batch of biscuits, some more bread and hot drinks. Steffie and Felicity explained eagerly about the rabbit they had seen for few seconds before it had run off and insisted that they’d leave some carrots outside for it.

Sarah smiled and sipped her drink. All of this was so cosy and comfortable. It was putting her in the Christmas mood. After all this cleaning was done, they could focus on the fun things. She could hardly wait.