11:00pm, Thursday

Fact: I am at a party.

Fact: I am drinking.

Fact: I feel happy. I don’t care about my nightmares.

Fact: Girls are pretty.

Fact: I’m dancing.

Addendum to previous fact: I’m dancing with a girl.

I threw my head back and laughed harder than I had in a long time, but the raging music swallowed it whole like a hungry monster. The sweaty bodies before me, behind me, and all around me swept me along with the beat. I chugged that last few inches of my drink before heading over to the refill station. Suddenly, someone bumped into me.

“Naaathaaan..!” I slurred as I stumble a little to regain my balance. “…You don’t have a drinnnk?”

“No. I—”

“Youuu, my friend, need a drink.” I threw my arm around his shoulder and guided him to the drink station. I grabbed two full cups off the counter and handed one to him.

He sighed, but took it.

“Cheers, buddy.” I yelled over the noise before taking a big swig from my cup.

Nathan, oddly, just stared into his own.

Fact: Nathan isn’t happy.

I giggle. I haven’t made such a simple fact analysis since I was five. I would follow my mom around and tell her when I noticed who was happy and who wasn’t…

Fact: I don’t want to remember anything right now.

Conclusion: I need more alcohol.

I chugged the rest of my cup and reach for another. When I turned around again, Nathan was just staring at me, his mouth open slightly in surprise.

“Whaaat?”

He says something as he started to laugh, but I couldn’t hear him. Then he handed me his cup, clapped me on the back and disappeared into the crowd. Weird.

Fact: Now I have two cups.

Question: How am I supposed to dance with two cups?

I tried swaying to the music, but the liquid sloshed in the cups dangerously. I tried bobbing along to the beat, but the same thing happened. I frowned.

Fact: these two cups are hindering me from dancing.

…Conclusion: Better chug one of them.

I lifted one of the cups to my mouth, but stopped. Arina was in the doorway looking at something in the yard.

Fact: Arina is strange.

Arina turned as if she can feel me thinking about her.

I froze.

Fact: Arina knows I have nightmares.

Her eyes landed on mine and then the two cups in my hands.

Fact: Arina knows I have nightmares.

She rolled her eyes and walked off.

Fact: Arina knows I have nightmares…and she lied to me.

Suddenly, the churning crowd on the dance floor seemed like a slithering mass. Hands reaching out at me. Trying to pull me back in. Trying to…

I chugged my two cups. Don’t think about that. Just drink. I grabbed a third cup and downed it. Then a fourth. I reached for a fifth.

…Fact: I have never seen Arina drink alcohol.

I started giggling. Arina drunk… I laughed outright before taking a sip from my cup. I could feel the liquid burn my throat this time as it went down. Lena never served ordinary drinks, thankfully.

Hypothesis: A few more of these and I will forget everything.

I grabbed a sixth cup and walk as steadily as I could over to the wall and followed it to the door. I’m careful to step over the door frame, then down the three stone steps into the yard. The air was less oppressive outside.

Fact: More space.

Fact: Fewer walls…

My stomach churned.

Look at the sky, just look at the sky…So pretty.

Fact: I can see the stars.

Fact: the caves didn’t have stars.

Fact: the caves only had walls and ceilings…

“Hey, Rosh.” A voice forced my head to bobble around.

“Kiroshhh..! I saw Nathan. He’s inside. He wouldn’t drink anything though, I’ve already tried.” I held up the cups in my hands.

Kirosh smiled thinly at me. “How much have you had to drink?”

“I dono, mOm.”

“Here, give me the cups.”

“No. I don’t want to. I’m drinking them.”

“Roshcar, you’re drunk.”

“So? Got a problem with that?”

“No, but Lena will if you start puking all over her front lawn.”

“I’m drunk, but I’m not that drunk.” I took another gulp of liquid from my cup and let it burn down my throat.

“What causes lightning in the sky?”

“What causes lightning? An idiot can answer that Kirosh.”

“I want to know the facts.”

“Ohhhhhh.” I smiled as my mind went to the happy place where all facts live.

“So what causes lightning?” Kirosh’s question pulled me back.

“Lightning? Well…” I thought for a moment.” Well, first you have little things, and then they boosh and then they go boom and zzz, and then bam. Lightning.” My hands flew around as I tried to illustrate my point, but the cups were making it a little hard.

“Alright, I think you’ve had enough to drink. Here, sit down right here and don’t move. I’ll be right back.”

“OK.” The grass felt nice and cold.

I fell onto my side.

Fact: The grass is soft.

I turn and bury my head into the grass. Soft. Like a blanket.

11:21pm, Thursday

“OK, Roshcar, I’m back.”

My head flopped over and I saw two people bending next to me.

Question: Why are they sideways?

“Roshcar, I’ve brought Dryden. We’re going to help you back to your room.”

“Hi Dryden.”

“Went a little heave with the drinking, eh?” Dryden had a slight northern Gavi Quintar accent, which reminded me of my mom sometimes…

“I waas haaving fun. But mOm over here doesn’t think I should haave fun.” I jerked my head in Kirosh’s direction, but ended up hitting him in the nose. “Ow…”

Dryden laughed as he helped me to my feet. “We’re going to go nice and slow. Tell us when you start feeling sick.”

“Whoa, you aren’t sidewaays aanymore…It’s nice outside.” My head flopped back again as they wrapped my arms around each of their shoulders and we started walking. “The staaars aare so pretty. Look aat the staars.”

“Yeh, pretty stars.” Kirosh grunted. “We are walking down some stairs now toward the transportation area. Be careful where you step.”

“I hearrd that we will be camping when we leave the Akaademy for training.”

“Really? Who told you that?”

“A riiii naaa.” I drew out her name because the syllables felt funny on my tongue. “I wonder if we will get to see more stars too.”

“…She’s probably just messing with you.”

I turned towards Kirosh surprised by the spite in his tone.

“Faact: you’re not happy.”

“…No. I’m not.”

“Why not?”

Kirosh didn’t answer. I think he shrugged, but I couldn’t really tell because everything was starting to move in waves.

“Are you going to tell us why you were so depressed earlier?” Dryden asked.

“I was not depressed.”

“Yehhhh, you werrrre.” I giggled.

“I was not!”

“You were hardly talking at lunch. Fact: you only not talk when you are sick or are very upset about something.”

“Aaand you weren’t sick becaause if you were I would know. I work in the Heaalth Waard, you know.”

“I know, Rosh…I wasn’t depressed.”

“You only cheered up when I gave you the invitation for tonight. You were depressed.”

“Depression is baad for you.” I mumbled. “I would know becaause I’m depressed aaall the time. You know? You should just talk aabout it.”

“You sound like a girl.” Dryden snorted.

“I’m just a little out of it toda—“

I tune out everything else as my vision goes in and out and my head falls forward as if my neck could suddenly no longer support it. Then, my stomach starts to crawl up my throat…

“I think I’m going to be sick.” I manage just moments before my body jerks over and heaves.

11:31pm, Thursday

“Feeling better?”

“Fact: drinking sucks.”

“Then don’t drink.” Dryden muttered.

“Whaaat?” I flopped my head over to look at Dryden.

“Nothing. C’mmon, let’s get you back to sleep this off.”

We start walking again.

“So why—”

“I wasn’t depressed.” Kirosh cut Dryden off. “I went to the Recording Hall with Garett, alright?...I wanted to see why Nathan lost to Arina.”

“Ah…And?”

Kirosh didn’t answer.

“Wellll you must have found somethinggg if we have to pry it from you. Usually you gush about anything and everything.” I pointed out as we made our way to the BubbleME loading station.

“I-I don’t know what I found.”

My body slumped onto something hard and round and cold. Little bubbllle. I wrap my arms around the girth of the smooth exterior.

“Kira…”

…Fact…: Dryden sounds upset.

“What?” Kirosh snapped back.

“What did you find?”

Fact: It’s not good for your teeth to clench your jaw…Dryden, you shou—n’t clench your jaw, Dry.”

“Stop mumbling and get off the Bubble so I can open it.”

“But it’s—so nice. Cold.

“Come here.” Someone drags me off the smooth coldness. “Sit here while I get the Bubble open—”

Question: why is Dryden upset?

“—what did you find Kira?”

Dryden…Dry—dennnn.”

“Great Qui, what?”

“Don’t caaall him that, Dry. He doesn’t like it becaaausee it sounds like a girl’s name.”

“I’ll call him whatever I want to call him.”

“Hey, what’s your deal tonight? You haven’t stopped picking on Roshcar this whole time.”

“It’s what he deserves for getting this drunk.”

“…That’s something Yaiya would do, not you. What has gotten into you?”

Dryden took a step back, allowing me to slump gratefully onto the smooth coldness again. I’m baack darling. Did you miss me? I giggled. I had read that in a book somewhere.

“I…Just a lot of things have happened today, alright?”

I turned my head with a thunk.

…Fact: I forgot to ask…

“…They were tied going into the last ten minutes of the round, and Nathan…he answered his last question wrongly on purpose. Arina only won because he let her win.”

…Fact: I’m tired…

“What?”

…Fact:…ow

Something pulled on my head and tilted me backwards roughly.

Fact: the stars…

Then my head tilted sideways. Then down. Then backwards again. “Ohh, Look at the stars…they’re so—”

“Just. Get. In. The Bubble…!”

“Dryden?” I bobbed my head around to look at him. “Drydennnn.”

“What? Do you feel sick again?”

“You didn’t aanswerrr my questionnn.”

“What question? You didn’t ask anything.”

“Ohhhh.” My head and body moved sideways this time. “You doon’t look happy. Why are you unhappy?”

“You’re. Not. Haaappy.” I poked Dryden’s cheek with each word. Or tried to…

“Cut it out…You’re going to have to be careful of Arina.”

“Why do I—”

“Not you, Rosh. Just lean over and go to sleep.

“Why do I need to be careful of her? I’m not weak anymore.”

“Kira, if she made Nathan give up his spot, then that means she hasn’t given up on trying to hurt you.”

“What…she…to me now?” I think Kirosh snorted, but I don’t care. I just wanted to sleep.

What pretty lights…

“I…stop until…sees you dead.”

Dead.

Dead.

Dead.

Dead…Mom?...the stars are pretty tonight. Just like you said…