The previous world of the girl who is now living in the unknown fantasy world was full of busy noises and crowded people, who seemed like times were racing their life. It was filled with many expectations and achievements that were stereotypically built-in society. Strangely enough, they followed them as if it was a must naturally.

Even though life already hard enough for one to live, yet, seemed humans had to fulfill others' expectations while they were all only had two hands, two ears, two feet- for them to move forward.

Yet, the girl was also the one who followed the molded stereotype. In her previous life, she was once living the expectations of people for her entire life even until the ending of her miserable breath. Back then, for this girl, life was so chaotic and felt so short. Even after 27 years old of living to the end of her last breath, the girl was still questioning whether there was something that she could embrace as a good memory in her life?

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The girl's name was Lara Dena. She was the sole daughter of the CEO of a well-known company. People said that she was a perfect daughter as she was healthy, talented, smart, and beautiful- and yes, she was once thought the same about herself. She was thinking that the world revolved around her and only to her. The mindset of how people should put herself first was like an absolute thing. She was desperately seeking to be known, to be justified that her existence was there by the people as she was never felt full entirely.

The girl could do anything to make herself to be the first one. Even though it meant by ruining another person's life, the girl will do that if it's necessary. If it did mean, she had to throw away people's projects, burn their homework, or bully them- she will do the dirty things despite how young her age back then. Of course, her heart is shaken sometimes, her inhumanity started to crumble every time she looked at people that she slowly ruined, but, she closed her eyes and faked herself to think it was all alright as she had to do that.

The girl thought she had to because she desperately wanted to hear the praises from her parents. She desperately desired their recognition, and every day she thought, if the expectations they put on her shoulder could she achieved, sometimes maybe, the spacious darkroom where she always return to- at the very least will not dark anymore. Then maybe, there will be a time for the three of them to be back together. Just like the other families that she saw every single time in her entire life. That she envied, as she questioned why they had that kind of family, where they could share happiness and sadness with while she was not.

Her frustration and wicked ambition then led her to the wicked things she did to gain what she desired. While ignoring the fact that she felt guilty about it, because it was all for her only wish after all.

Despite that, she did work so hard. Every single times when there was something her parents asked her to do, she will force herself to get it. Even though it ruined her, or if in the end someone's life was ruined for her to get the achievement - if that meant she could achieve that, she would fake herself again to bear the guilty feeling inside.

.

... for a little hope her young self, dreaming of.

Just for that little thing.

.

But, life sometimes looked like it was joking. Because, despite how struggling and suffering the girl to protect and hold the crumbled family- on her 17th birthday, both of her parents then decided to divorce.

Her heart shattered into pieces. It felt hurt so bad as if her whole life had ended. Then, in her urge tears, she asked her mother while looking at her eyes deeply. The familiar eyes that she never looked at for quite a long time-

" Why are you choosing this path?" while hoping, there was something that will heal the heartbreak inside her from her mother's mouth. Hoping for the comfort that she was sought since she was a young child. Hoping, something could be changed even though her rationality and reality already showed her, the fights and yelling and screaming of her parents every time she saw them together. That was so hurtful, painful, yet- she was trying to deny it. " Can not you try to fix this? You have to, you have to fix this!"

but her mother then frowned painfully, " Why you ask something impossible to me? why everyone asked me something I could not do?" and yelled at her for the first time, " Can you not see, how I tried every day for you?"

But the girl could not accept it," What things you did to me?" as it was too absurd for the girl who saw no one in her entire life, to then be told by someone that she did something for her life.

"Can you not see, how I tried to survive for you?" she asked desperately, " CAN NOT YOU SEE THAT I LOST MY FREEDOM BECAUSE OF YOU?"

and she frowned miserably, " So am I the caused of all of this?" and she screamed, " AM I THE REASON OF HOW BROKEN OUR FAMILY IS? WHILE YOU ARE THE ONE THAT RUINED OUR LIFE= YOU ARE THE ONE WHO RUINED MY LIFE!"

" DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!" and her mother redden in her fury, " I am not gave birth to you, for you to act like this to me-"

" Why did you give birth to me then? I never asked to be your daughter! It is better if I do not exist with a mother like you!"

.

and the girl did think that it will be a better decision, for not born from such a mother, who left her alone with a father who did not do anything despite burdening her with many expectations. She could not care nor realized of how her mother's expression became so sullen and desperate. She was filled with too much hatred to even think about her mother at that time. Moreover, the expectations from her dad were all hard and high, and if she was not be able to achieve that... either torture or starve would be the things she will get in the end.

the prideful her then will just do anything to get to the place people expected her to be. It was all motivated by the hatred and fury that she could not let go of. She was blinded by the revenge to show the people that she could get the happiness she once desired.

Followed by her entire life that then slapped her with all the wicked things that life could gave. Either betrayed, trust issued, things that so messed up that broke her heart to the point that she could no longer feel any emotion.

She then, just realized ... there will be nothing that she could expect from anyone. She then realized, she will be alright if she stood up in the highest position. Only that way she thought, no one will ever try to hurt her heart again.

She built walls that no one could ever trespass. She keeps her emotion inside for herself and did not let anyone to get in. Just like when her father then fell ill and died- she did not put any single care on him and just left him dead alone in loneliness.

.

... did she not feel the guilty at all?

she did. Yet, she fake it.....because the pain she once felt was real. It is engraving the memories into the broken heart of her that could not be fixed.

In the end, as the natural characteristic of a human being, the girl tried to put defense to her heart and became an emotionless human someone could ever be. She focused on what she thought was worth- and it was all about her position and wealth. She learned that power and money will protect her despite everything.

.

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but, then. That man came.

A young man that tried to gain his fortune, applied as a new employee of the company she owned. He was charismatic, talented, and humble. He was the one who could stay as her assistant despite how she was merciless. He always sincerely smiled at her and showed her an idea she never seen in her entire life.

The sincerity of friendship.

The sincerity of humans.

The affection that one could give to another one.

Yet, she was skeptical. Even though her heart said the opposite, the girl backed herself from the man. She ignored him to the point that she could just do what she please to him. Physically hurt him, mentally destroyed him. Yet, the man will just smile while talking about his beautiful life. Sharing about how he just started a new life with his beautiful wife and child. Then, how ... he asked her to join inside his tiny world.

"You are too busy for you not to know my baby's cuteness," he said with his silly smile.

"... You are too naïve, to act like that in this kind of world." and she did answer it bluntly.

yet, the man smiled gently. "... This world is too beautiful for me to be embarrassed to be a naïve person."

and she chuckled, " You will just, end up your pitiful life sooner with that way of thinking."

" It might If you are my boss." and he just giggled it, as it was joking. Then, she just ignored it even her heart was starting to melt.

At that times, never did both of them think that the empty words she was saying will happen sooner after that day. When she thought she started to open her heart to someone else, when she then tried to believe that his word might be true- she was foolishly accepted a sly lie.

... because her life was filled with many enemies who wanted to take her down from her position. She was surrounded by many cunning people who hid inside their thick skin. They then used the chance they found whenever they looked at the close relationship of him and her. His naivety then brought them to a massive misunderstanding, where she was then poisoned by the tea he brought.

she was okay, she did.

Yet, the trust she already built shattered into pieces as she was believed that the man betrayed her.

Her heart broke once more in the most painful way she could not even imagine.

" Please believe me! I beg you please believe me!"

and she could not get him a chance to explain, as her heart was felt so heavy whenever she was with him. It was never the poison that hurt her the most, it was him entirely. The pain that she tried so hard to be kept out, was brought to her by the one she started to put her trust to. Then, she converted the disappointment and sadness into hatred..

... and that again, her life was joking around with her.

Not long after his trial, the man was found dead inside his cell. Many people said he was doing suicide, but later on, the investigation show that he was murdered. The girl decided not to dig more as it was already hurting her heart, yet- she then knew, the naïve man who once gave her sincerity, found a strange movement of some internals inside her company to then try to do something about it by himself. Unfortunately enough, before he did find the result of his investigation, he was used by her enemies to kill her first.

" He did his investigation for some movement inside your company."

" We found the proof he was collected."

" It seemed he was about to tell you about it."

and, her world was just collapsed at that moment. As she felt hard to even breathe... she felt hard to understand the feeling inside her, as ... she then started to know something she never thought in her life.

"... his baby died because of cancer."

"... The wife of him was once visited several times and asked to meet you but, you ordered us to ignore her."

" It seems after he's gone, the wife could not pay the operation and the baby could not survive."

and she frowned painfully, " Since when did the baby have cancer?"

and her worker looked at her in confusion, " ...ever since he was born," he said. " It was also his motivation to work in this company after all."

She then collapsed, with a huge pain that she could not bear inside her chest. It hurt so much as she found it hard to breathe. Then, as if it was not enough for the fate meddled on her life, on that very second in her very office, an unknown woman came in without notice. The woman who will be her endless terrifying nightmares looked at her with her lifeless gaze. Her eyes were all swollen while tears still was streaming down her face.

"..Miss, this place is no-" but then they could easily realize of what she brought in her hand that made them then back off while taking out their guns. " PUT THAT GUN DOWN MA'AM!" as they then put her behind their back, who was confused with this situation.

Yet, the woman just smirked faintly to her. "Ms.Lara, I was always wanted to see you because my husband.... my dear husband ... who just died, always talked a lot about you," she said.

Then, it was easy for her to know even in that situation, the woman in front of her was the wife of the man.

The woman in front of her frowned painfully while she held her chest tightly as if she wished for it not to be there so the pain will go away. She gasped, repeatedly as if the air was hard for her to even breathe, and looking at the woman, hurt the girl even more as she frowned in confusion.

"Back when my husband was still in the jail for a false accusation, I begged the people to let me in," she said. "... I begged, for them to let me meet you as he wanted me to tell you something," she said bitterly.

While then taking her times for awhile before opened her mouth again,

" ... if you have a little bit of humanity inside yourself- if you ever think about what people have been through, they will be here with me,"

" My loved ones...you killed both of them." and cried by the torment.

" You are not human is not it?" and she smiles faintly.

" Of course you are- my husband was the fool one to ever let you go inside his world."

" I BEGGED YOU! I BEGGED YOU! I BEGGED YOU SO MUCH!" and she cried, hysterically to her while she looked at the misery, the disappointment, the enrage, and the loss of living in that woman's expression were so agonizing. Pierced her so much to the point she felt that she will lose her consciousness.

"... It's all because of you."

" All of it is because of you."

" You are the murderer."

" Give them back to me." and she begged. While slowly put the gun up with her trembling hand and gazed at her in her miserable lifeless eyes. " He adores you so much, but you killed him." she said.

" My son will be two this year, he is so lovely. Yet... you also killed him."

" YOU, YOU KILLED THEM! YOU TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME!" she then muttered, while swaying the gun she held. With the lifeless gazes of her and the same muttering that she repeatedly said- she pointed the gun on her head, and a loud sound was heard,

DOOR!

and fresh fleshes and blood scattered and shattered into her body. Creating a very thick visual of a destroyed body covered with red, fell off, and the floor flooded by thick blood with a strong rust aroma.

The sudden attack of nausea, made her threw up and collapsed immediately.

.

.

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after that, her life was not the same as before. Either her principle or desire of living gone eventually. She could not face anything the same way as she did as the depiction of her sins, will haunt her ... every single time.

Then the thing that the girl thought was karma, happened to her. Strangely, a big truck crashed her car that she drove alone, leading her to the first moment where she then realize human sincerity. It was also the first moment when she regretted her past sins and yet had no courage to ask for a second chance.

... and life feels like it is a playground for her.

As it then gave the girl a second life she never asked, let her meet an innocent girl that became her little sister. Put her as a mute and deaf commoner in a world that she was never familiar with.

Yet, the girl who once lost hope of living, finds a sole purpose to move forward.

Even though it was difficult, it will be okay if her sister was happy.

In the end, It was all about her sister, to begin with. Never in her thought did she live for herself. As she was aware so much of how sinful she was.

So, she never thought happiness could get into her.

She should not ever ask it to begin with. Her sins and regrets are all there inside her heart for her to keep. So... the moment the girl realizes and feels the happiness for the first time, she is terrified by it.

' Because ... I am a sinner."

and... the desire of living for the sinner is so terrifying.

***