''Tell me about your relationship with your mom.''

''What about it?''

''Is it any better?''

The long pause after her question, probably gave away my answer.

''I see. You wanna talk about it?''

''Not really. But I guess you will make me do it.''

''I won't pressure you Daphne. We are here to discuss your problems and find solutions. Make your life a little bit easier. If this is something you don't feel comfortable to talk about, then that's okay. But I need to tell you. It won't go away, just by hiding it under the rug.''

Her words once again made sense. I mean they always do.

But that doesn't make it easier for me.

My mom has always been a touchy subject. From the very beginning of our sessions it became crystal clear we had a problematic bond.

And although I tried hard to be open and talk about my feelings, I just couldn't do it.

Every time we would bring up her name instant tears filled my eyes, reminding me of all those times I couldn't handle her disappointment. The hard look on her face when she told me she expected more from me, even if it was because I didn't choose the dress she liked or because I preferred reading a book than going outside with her.

The hint of rejection was always there.

And you can only imagine what this did to a person who only wanted to be accepted and loved...

Yep. It fucked me up.

''Is everything alright?''

The sweet tone of Katherine's voice brings me out of my thoughts and I nod my head glancing at her.

''Yeah. I just got distracted for a moment.''

''Okay. You want to tell me what happened?''

I debate for a while, the idea of bringing up our argument yesterday scares me to the core. I really don't want to relive the events of the day before, but I know I have to. It's the only way to move on.

''We had a fight.''

''What kind of?''

''One of the bad ones. You know...that happens once in a while, just to remind you how fragile is every moment you live, how everything can go to hell in an instant.''

''I see. What was the fight about?''

''Basically me, being a disappointment. Her words precisely.''

''In terms of what?''

''Everything. My role as a daughter, student, human being...''

''What triggered the fight?''

''I didn't come home the night before.''

She nods, waiting for me to continue.

''I went to a friends house after class. We had a few drinks and I passed out on her couch. She sent a text to my mom telling her I was going to spent the night there.''

''So, she knew where you were?''

''Yeah. I didn't get an answer back, but I saw the text. I know she received it.''

''Okay. Go on.''

''The next day I came home and she...'' I choke on my own words and I need a moment to collect myself.

''It's okay, take your time Daphne.''

Nodding, I take a sip from my water, swallowing the lump in my throat.

''She slapped me.''

There is a moment of silence between us, letting my words settle in. I feel tears pricking my eyes and I move forward taking a tissue in my hands.

''She got angry because you didn't come home?''

''Yeah...sort of.'' I mumble embarrassed.

She doesn't say anything waiting for me to speak. Her blue eyes study my form and when I look at her, I feel myself calming down. She won't judge me. I remind myself.

She is not her.

''I'm seeing someone.''

''A boy?''

Well, Jackson is technically not a boy. He is a man. The kind of man your parents warn you, since you're a little girl. The guy you read about only in books. A character straight out of a novel, really.

My Joker.

''Yeah. He dropped me off that day and she saw it.''

''What else did she do? Besides the...''

''She screamed at me. And...'' My words get swallowed by tears, as the events unfold once again in front of me.

''You thought you were so smart deceiving me huh?'Whoring around town, wearing the same clothes like a piece of tramp, after spending the night in someone's house!''

''I...''

''Shut up! Who is this guy? WHO? ANSWER ME!''

The tears don't allow me to speak clearly, sobs wreckin my body, while I'm pushed backwards hitting the wall.

''He...''

''SPEAK!''

She yells pulling my hair in her fist and for the first time in a very long time I find myself being scared of her. Her eyes turn dark in anger and the death grip on my hair loose for a second, just enough for me to make a run for the stairs. I hear her feet following me, while she keeps screaming my name and my heart drops in fear.

''COME BACK HERE. RIGHT NOW. DAPHNE!''

Just before I make it to my room, her hand finds my shirt tugging me back.

''I'm not done talking to you!''

Pulling my arm, I feel her nails dig into my flesh but I don't let the pain stop me.

''Mom, let go...'' I plead, between tears.

Her cold facade wavers for a moment, but it goes away as fast as it came. ''No. You need to learn a lesson.''

Her words scare me to the core and I find the adrenaline on my body, pushing her away, hard enough to stumble back and give me time to get in the safety of my room.

Turning the lock on, I hide behind my bed, shaking in fear.

I listen to her banging on my door, screaming from the top of her lungs.''OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR!''

Curling on my knees, I let my palms shield the noise from outside.

After a few dreadful minutes, the yelling stops and I hear her walking away, but not before she exclaims loud and clear for me to hear. ''This is not over.''

When I come back to reality, I find Katherine in front of me, watching me intensely. ''Breath with me. Okay?''

I nod, not realizing how fast my heart was beating until this moment. I feel my whole body trembling and from the familiar knot in my chest, I know.

I just had a panic attack.

''I'm s-sorry. I don't know..''

''It's alright. It happens.''

''I can't remember...''

''You just relived some of the most stressful moments of your life. That's what triggered your anxiety. You were so invested in them, you couldn't tell the difference between past and present.''

The idea of losing myself inside my own mind scares me and I find myself feeling more anxious than before.

''It's okay. You don't need to think about it too much. It can happen to anyone. With anxiety or not. It's just harder for you because it was the first time.''

Nodding my head, I take another sip from my water.

''Do you feel any better?''

''Yes.''

''Can I continue?''

''Mm.''

''Have this happened before? I mean her getting physical with you.''

''No...Just once. When I was in eighth grade. I lied about a stupid test and she found out.''

''She hit you?''

''Yeah. But I deserved it.'' I add, looking at my feet.

''What makes you think that?''

''I lied to her.''

''And you believe that justifies her action?''

Her question cuts me off guard and I need a moment to think about it. She was an adult and I was a child. Of course she was the one with the upper hand on this. She was right and I was wrong. I made a mistake and I had to get disciplined. That's how the world works. Right?

''I guess so.'' I mumble after a few seconds.

''Why?''

''Because I lied. I should have just told her the truth.''

''Why didn't you?''

''I don't know.'' I lie through my teeth.

I know damn well why I didn't tell her the truth and so does Katherine. Even though she would never expose me like that. She will take the high road and talk me to it.

''What do you think would have happened if you have told her the truth?''

''She would probably scold me and then give me the silent treatment.''

''Why?''

''Because that's what she does when things don't go her way. When she gets...disappointed.''

''With you?''

''Me, my dad..''

I still remember her hurtful words towards him. ''You are a lame excuse of a man. You've always been. I don't even know what I am doing here with you. I should have left years ago.''

A ball of anger rises inside me and the words slip my mouth, before I'm able to control them.

''That's her thing. She builts you up only to break you down. She will wipe your tears and caress your hair when you feel low, push you to become better, make you think you can do it and then with your first mistake. Boom. You are nothing but dirt in her shoes. And no matter how hard you try to fix it, it will never go away. Because she'll make sure to remind you. Every single day, until you can't do it anymore.''

When I finally stop to catch my breath, Katherine's gentle eyes meet mine. ''Are you afraid of it? Disappoint her?''

''I...don't know. Maybe.''

''Is that why you didn't tell her about the guy you're seeing? You were afraid she would be disappointed by him?''

''No.'' I cut her off quickly. ''He is perfect.''

''He is?''

''Yes. Not the kind of perfect she has in mind. Just perfect...''

''For you?'' She asks, smiling at me and I just nod in agreement.

''Yeah. Perfect for me.''

I watch my reflection in the mirror, taking slow breaths, while I dry my hands with the towel. I really needed a moment to recollect myself after the emotional roller coaster I just lived.

Me eyes, are a bit of red and so is my nose, but it only makes sense after the tears I shed inside that room. I try to fix the mess my mascara caused and after a few minutes I believe I look decent enough to go out there.

Fifteen more minutes Daphne.

''Everything alright?'' Katherine asks, as soon as I step inside.

''Yeah. Sorry about that.''

''It's okay. We don't have much time left, but I want to make sure we cover a few points before you go.''

''What kind of points?''

''Your emotions first of all. What did you feel after the incident with your mother took place?''

''I...I'm not sure.''

''Just tell me the first words that come to your mind.''

I sense the lump in my throat building again, as I recall the dreadful moments.

''Fear, sadness...shame.''

''Shame for what?''

''Letting her do this to me.'' I finally reveal,feeling my chest tightens.

That's the biggest thorn in my mind. How I didn't do anything. I didn't try to explain or defend myself. I just ran and hid. Like always.

''You wish you had stand up for yourself?''

''Yeah. I'm not sure if I should, but...I wish I had.''

''Why not? There is nothing wrong in defending yourself. You are an adult. You can make your own choices Daphne.''

''I know. It's just...She is my mom. I know she means well. I just wish she would show it in a different way.''

She nods at my statement writing on her notebook and for once again, I catch myself wondering what kind of secrets can a tiny little book keep. Probably a lot. Considering the type of conversations I had with her in the past year.

''I understand where you are coming from.'' She says, catching my attention. ''And I can't help but notice the patern you seem to repeat, even unwillingly.''

''What patern?'' I ask confused.

''In both situations, the test all those years ago and the guy you're seeing now, you chose to lie above tell her the truth, just because you were afraid of confronting her. The fear of disappointing her seems to outweigh your desires. It's like her opinion matters more than your own will. And you are confused because you want to change that, but you are not sure if you're allowed to. Because in your head she still is the one with the upper hand. Like when you were a kid. Am I wrong?''

''I-I...don't know. She is my mother. This was a one time mistake. She loves me. She sucrificed so many things for me, I owe her...''

''What? Your life?''

My train of thoughts gets cut off by her words and I look away defeated. That's what I am doing? Giving away my life?

No. It can't be.

"Daphne." Katherine calls for me and I travel my gaze towards her face.

"I'm not trying to upset you. I hope you understand that. I just want you to see that you can still be the good daughter, friend or even girlfriend, by setting some bountaries. It won't change the way you see things. You will be the same person. Just more indepedent. Your family will still be your family. And by seperating yourself from their mindset, it doesn't mean you love them less.

We are not our parents Daphne. They raise us to become our own beings, and that includes different choices from the ones they would make. So, make your own choices, take risks, build your life the way you want to. You owe that to yourself. "

Her words leave me speachless. How can she make everything sound so right?

''You will certainly make it as a motivational speaker.'' I mumble shyly.

Laughing at my response she clasps her hands together, standing up.

''It's part of the job.''

My feet carry me to the foeyer, her own steps following close by. I take a glance in the mirror checking my appearance, before I move towards the door.

''Can I ask you one last thing?'' She says, stopping me.

''Sure.''

''If your parents asked you, would you considering not seeing him again?''

''No.'' I answer frimly, surprising myself.

If my parents knew who he really is, and what he does for a living, they would probably send me to Siberia to become a nun. And honestly who can blame them? Nobody likes the idea of their only child to be associate, even more romantically, with a drug dealer.

But it's not their call to make. And no matter how much I love them, I won't let them ruin it for me. Not this time.

''Good.'' She says, smiling at me. A puzzled look on her face.

I'm not sure if she is mocking me, or giving me her blessings.

Either way I don't stay to find out. Closing the door behind me, I walk into the elevator pressing the button for the ground floor.

Fishing for my phone, I find two missed calls from my dad and one new message. My fingers swipe over the screen and an instant smile takes over my feautures, when I see Jackson's name on it.

"I'm outside"

Two simple words manage to make my body tingle in a way no one can.

It's what I call, Jackson's efect.

I practically fly through the exit, my feet carrying me towards his motorcycle and I throw myself at him, catching him off guard.

His hands circle around me, bringing me closer to his chest and I feel him lifting me off the ground.

"Hi baby." He mumbles to my hair, inhaling my sent in the process and I just know.

I'm never giving up on this.