Hours have passed since Jack has left, to go somewhere god only knows. I've been laying in our bed, emotionless. Yes tears have been falling from my face here and there, but aside from that I'm not doing so fondly.

He's never been mad at me for this long, he was so angry, it killed me. I know if I forced him to stay, he would shove me and honestly hit me. He genuinely looked so upset. And all because of me. I didn't even post the damn photo! I don't know who fucking did, and whoever did, I could kill them. Knowing how bad my anxiety is this is making me go crazy. He hates me, the love of my life hates me.

I swear on my life I am not lying, why can't he see it?

I scream loudly through my tears and throw a pillow across the room. As I do that, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I turned my notifications off for every social media app imaginable, even pintrest. I roll my eyes and wipe my eyes. Through the black mirror of my phone screen my eyes are red. Damn I've been crying that much?

Checking my phone, it was my mom texting me for the third time asking if I was okay. I text her "yes" and go to mute her messages. After that I shut off my phone again and go back to staring at nothing but the dark window curtains. It was around seven thirty, so it was now dark outside, the stars and moon dance.

I don't even know when he's coming back. I don't know if he's out fucking another guy or girl. I put the worst scenarios in my head just to overthink, it's really unhealthy.

Minutes pass and the door opens, revealing the light from the hallway. My heart jumps up, hoping to look back and see my baby, ready to apologize.

Looking back with a tiny bit of hope, it instantly goes away seeing it's just Josh with a cup of applesauce, knowing it's my favorite thing to eat. He has a sympathy filled smile, feeling bad for me being in this knot.

I sigh and turn back to go back to facing the wall with the curtains. I don't care if it was a rude gesture, okay I do care a bit of course but oh well. "I know you wanted to turn around and see him, but he hasn't came back yet. I brought you this because you need to eat something sir." He rambles, walking into our room and turning on the light. It did hurt my eyes from the brightness I will admit, so I put a pillow over my head.

I didn't eat a bagel or anything else today, I was too confused and sad to eat. I shook my head and just continued to lay there with the pillow over my head. I heard his footsteps walk over to my side of the bed where I was, kneeling down in front of me.

"Johnson, come on you can talk to me. I don't want you doing something stupid for a temporary problem." He quietly explains.

I sat up in a blink and looked him straight in the eye, my eyes still red and everything. "Who knows if it's temporary Josh? Did you see how hurt and mad he was? I basically ended his career. He's so mad at me. And I didn't even do it." I croak out the end, throwing my hands in the air.

"I never posted the photo Josh, I don't know who did but it wasn't me."

He bit his lip and looked down, setting the applesauce on the nightstand. "Johnson, I think he's taking this too seriously. He knows how bad your anxiety is, he should actually sit down and listen to you. And you didn't end his career, yes people hated and don't like him for i guess downgrading, but some also loved you two together." He says quietly sitting next to me.

I nod and run my hand through my hair. "I don't know, I would be upset also at me, it does look like I did it. But who would fucking do this to me? To us? How did they even do it? It's just all so confusing and I wish we could go back to even just this morning." I say, letting the tears just fall down my face.

I fall back onto my bed, letting out a huge sob that had been stuck in my throat, we all know the feeling.

I just want Gilinsky with me. Holding me, repeatedly telling me he won't ever leave. Holding me in his bare chest, playing with my hair as it sticks up and I make circles on his chest. But I guess I can't have nice things.

"If he really did love you, and I know he does, as you love him, he will come back probably tonight or tomorrow, having grown patience to talk it out with you. This will get figured out J." Josh spoke softly, laying down next to me, turning to face me. As I turned to him, he eyed my lips for whatever reason.

"You really think he will?" I whisper. Even the blankets on our bed smell like G.

Josh bit his lip and nodded as he wiped one of my tears. "I know he will, how can he ever even consider leaving you, you are total eye candy." He chuckled winking at the end. I awkwardly chuckle back, clearing my throat in the end.

Like that didn't make me uncomfortable. Either way I didn't want to think too much of it, he was feeling bad for me in the moment so I don't want to jump to conclusions.

"Thank you for speaking to me Josh. Seriously this means so much to me." I say with a soft smile, sniffling at the end. He blushed and started to sit up, I was just laying there still on the bed. "No no of course it was no problem J. Is there anything else you want to chat about?" He asked.

I shook my head at the offer. "Nah it's okay. I actually think i'm gonna drive down to the beach to rest my mind a bit more. Yeah it's dark but i'll be okay. I used to always go when I was feeling depressed and it would definitely calm me down." I explain, all of that completely coming back to my memory. Before Jack, before everything was great, but also before I felt like this.

He nodded his head and smiled, looking back at me. He told me he was going to go out in the pool for a bit tonight, before it gets under 60 degrees tonight. Ah LA weather in the early months of the new year.

Josh left the room as we said goodbye and he shut the door.

I still laid there, trying to see the light of the end of this. I hope Gilinsky does come back soon, and when I come back he's in the bed waiting for me. I mean you can only really just hope.

The house was dark, as Josh and Karina were upstairs. The dogs were asleep and all you could hear was the water running from Karinas shower upstairs. It was around eleven thirty at night. Gilinsky pulled up in the driveway, wanting to talk this all out without yelling with his lover. JJ was still out at the beach, thinking and hearing the waves crash together, but after a while he decided to come back home. He was just at a gas station buying an arizona and hot dog to eat finally.

G sighed as he turned off his car, going back to darkness other than the moon shining, getting flashbacks of their one special night neither one could forget. Where he held his favorite person for hours, speaking about every topic that came to mind. Where Johnson fell in love.

Where he promised JJ to never let him go, not that night or ever.

He put his face in his hands and sat in his car. As that happened, rain slowly started to fall from the heavens. He fucked up. But so did Johnson. Or so he thinks of course. It all happened so quickly, they have to give it it time. He hasn't posted on social media as well, he's been off his phone all day.

No one is going to turn 200 pages for a perfect white picket fence story, where everything is perfect and all are happy all the time, admit it. You need conflict, even it perhaps changes the happy or whatever ending.

"I need to talk to him, but maybe tomorrow morning, I'll sleep in the guest room tonight." He spoke to himself quietly, getting out of the vehicle.

Ah, don't they have a mountain to climb.

🎢