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Push.

It's time for me to push and I'm a little nervous but so excited to meet my baby boy.

Me and Kai have decided to name all our kids with the letter 'L' because we personally like them to match.

"Alright Aulora, when you feel a contraction push as hard as you can," the doctor says to me and I nod my head.

I feel a sharp pain in my stomach and I push as hard as I can.

I'm sweating and my whole body is tired.

Kai is holding my hand tightly as he strokes my hair and pushed it off my forehead.

He whispers encouraging things in my ear.

I squeeze his hand tightly as I feel another contraction and push hard.

"Alright the head is out just a few more," she says and I take a breath of air.

"You got this baby, I'm so proud," he mumbles and I smile lightly at him.

Another contraction hits as I push harshly.

"Shoulders are out," the doctor says.

I breath out and breath, Kai kisses my forehead as he continues to hold my hand.

"Two more and you can hold your baby boy," the doctor says and that gives me the courage to keep going.

I push two more times before I hear a loud crying and I see my baby boy in the doctors arms.

"Here is your healthy baby boy," she says and I start crying looking at my beautiful boy.

The moment is shorted lived as I feel the need to push again and more contractions coming.

"I need to push," I say and they leave with baby boy to clean him up.

I start to push on contractions as the doctors look between my legs to see what's going on.

"The feet are out," they say, my eyes widen.

"Another one?," Kai asks as he has tears streaming down his face.

I push harshly as I feel a spiking pain in my belly.

I continues to push but the baby is being stubborn and won't come out.

I get another contraction and push super hard.

"Shoulders are out," they say and I continue to push this baby out.

"One more mama you got this," the doctor says and I push super hard ready to get the baby out.

"Alright head is out," they say as they pull the baby up and it's purple.

"Here is your baby girl," they say as they rub her back trying to get her to cry.

I start to get worried, my hands start to shake as I look at them trying to save my baby.

Tears stream down my face as I watch this.

They lightly tap her back trying to get her to breath and wake up.

Her face is purple and she hasn't responded at all to anything.

They take her over to the baby bed as a nurse holds my son and they start to do CPR on her.

"Baby, she's going to make it please stay calm," Kai says as he holds my hands and kisses my face.

It's been a few minutes and they keep trying to resuscitate her but she's not responsive.

They walk back to me.

"We're going to take her back to try to save her please remain calm," they say and quickly take my baby girl and leave the room.

Tears stream down my face as I think of my baby not making it.

"Would you like to hold your baby boy?," the nurse asks me and I slowly nod my head.

I put my hands out for him and they place him gently in my arms as I doctor stitches me up.

I look at my beautiful baby boy as he stares up at me curiously.

His eyes are light blue and his pouty lips. His little nose is so cute and button-like.

I stroke his cheek as he looks up at me with his little face that I could kiss all over.

He has little black hair on his head that I have to push out of his face.

Kai looks over my shoulder at the baby and smiles at him.

"Hi Levi," he says and Levi just smiles up at him.

Levi starts move his face around and smacking his lips up at me and I shake my head.

I know he's hungry.

I lower one side of my hospital gown and let him latch onto my nipple.

It hurts at first when he doesn't latch right but when he does and starts to suck smoothly he quiets down and it stops hurting.

He feeds quickly as he stares up at me.

Soon after the doctor comes back in.

"Where's my baby?," I ask and he frowns at me and I started to get worried.

"You're baby girl came out the wrong way and was born asleep is the term we like to use. You didn't know you were pregnant with twins because she hid behind her brother and we never picked up two heartbeats on the monitor. I'm sorry to inform you that she didn't make it. But we did everything we could," he says and I smack my hand to my mouth as tears pour down my face.

I unlatch Levi and hand him to Kai as I put my head in my hands.

I would have named her Luna...

"I'm sorry," the doctor says before leaving the room we're in.

Kai holds Levi gently as silent tears roll down his face onto his cheek.

Levi just makes random noises as he stares at Kai and Kai tries to smile at him but I can see he's in a lot of pain.

He could have been a father of three if my stupid body saw her on the ultrasound.

I don't want to think about this anymore it's to painful knowing that it's all my fault.

I turn my back to them and fall asleep.

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Hurt.

Hurt is all I can feel.

Aulora is dead asleep facing the window away from me and Levi.

Levi is so adorable and I'm so grateful for him but I feel so heartbroken that my little girl isn't with us anymore.

I know she thinks it's her fault but it isn't and I will probably have to remind her of it every single day.

The doctors comes back inside with my little girl wrapped in a blanket and a beanie.

"Want to switch?," the doctor asks and I nod my head at him.

I hand him Levi to put in the bassinet and he hands me my little girl.

I stare at her beautiful face.

She's so pretty even if her face is purple and she's not breathing or looking at me.

I look at her little face and it breaks my heart.

The doctor leaves and it's just us.

"Hi my baby, you're name would have been Luna so I'm gonna call you that. You're so pretty aren't you? You look like your mommy if you just opened those pretty little eyes," I mumble to her but obviously she can't open her eyes.

"You're so loved even if your not here anymore. You would have been so spoiled and got to meet your little big sister Laila and your twin brother Levi," I say to her as I let my tears soak my shirt.

"Daddy loves you so much. I know you would have been a daddy's girl and we would have been attached at the hip," I say to her.

"I love-," I'm cut off was Aulora abruptly opens her eyes and looks at me.

She sees me holding Luna and she quickly moves over and takes her from me.

Oh.

She holds her to her chest.

I wipe my face and take a few breaths to regain myself from this moment.

I only got to hold her for a little and that is the only time I'll be able to hold my little girl.

I needed some comfort as I walk to Levi and pick him up.

I cradle him to my chest as he sleeps and I sit back down on the couch in the room.

I look at Aulora and see her talking to the baby as she strokes her face.

Talking with Luna for a few minutes really helped but also made it worse for me.

I hold Levi for a while before he wakes up and wants to feed again.

I hold him tight and walk him to Aulora so she can feed him.

She looks up at Levi and smiles before taking him from me and starting to feed him.

I go to hold Luna before they take her away but Aulora just holds her in her other arm.

I slump in defeat.

I walk to the door and look back at her to speak.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I say and she just smiles down at the babies ignoring me.

I walk away and walk to the bathroom.

When I get in there I start to hyperventilate as tears pour down my face.

I don't know how much I can take today.

My baby needs his mother to feed, she doesn't talk to me only the babies, my daughter is now a angel.

I can't breath.

What did I do to deserve this?

Tears soak my shirt as I clutch the counter to steady myself.

The doctor knocks on the door and I jump.

I wipe my face off, steady my breathing and shake my hands trying to make it look like nothing happened.

I walk out and smile at the doctor.

"It's time for us to take your baby," he says and I nod my head.

I walk to where Aulora is and kiss the babies cheek before the doctor takes her from Aulora.

Aulora looks so confused and lost when they take Luna away and I feel so bad.

I try to sit on her bed and hug her but she just picks up Levi and holds him tight as she cries.

I'm so useless.

I sit on the couch and put my head in my hands.

This is all to much for me and my anxiety is to high right now.

My leg starts to shake as I fidget with my fingers.

I look up and see Aulora is asleep cuddling the baby in her arms.

I really just need a hug right now.

Never expected life to go this way.

☁︎︎

Here's chapter 56!

People thinking Laila is dying made me laugh but no it's a baby you didn't even know existed.

This was so sad to write but ily guys never forget.

Boutta go swimming so if you have any questions and I don't answer write away I'm sorry I'll answer them when I come back.

I think I'm ending the book on chapter 60 but idk since I have some more I need to write but we'll see.

Went to lunch and had chicken strips because who expands their pallet? not me.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter, see you next time! Thank you for reading I love you -addyson <333