I woke up remembering Jax's hands on my body. Again.

It was somehow as disgusting to me as the first time. I couldn't believe that I had allowed him to touch me again. The thought of it made my skin crawl.

You know what they say. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...

I slowly raised my head from my pillows, grabbing my head between my hands. I looked down at my body, surprised I was still wearing the same outfit as last night. The night was a blur, thanks to the vodka. I remembered bits and pieces, until Jax walked through that door. After that, it was crystal clear, until I left. Like my mind had succumbed to the fog once it knew I was safe.

I remembered Zane driving me home. He didn't talk. Was he mad? Was he angry at me? He probably was. Somehow Zane always ended up being the one to rescue me lately. I couldn't blame him for being annoyed.

I let out a small groan as I stretched out my neck, running my hands through my hair, trying to undo the knots that had formed. It wasn't until I glanced around my room, that I noticed Zane.

He was slumped over in the arm chair on the opposite side of my room, asleep.

The first thought that went through my head was how could I be so stupid? How could I let him in the house when I was going to sleep? How easy would it have been for him to get to me?

The second thought that went through my head was that he didn't.

He didn't get to me. He slept in the uncomfortable arm chair all night. He didn't try to get me. He didn't.

My third thought was a terrifying consciousness of my second thought. Had my life really gotten to the point where I'm numbingly aware that my friend hadn't tried to attack me while I was sleeping?

My brain was spinning fast again. I quietly got out of bed and headed for the shower. It felt like I was holding the same breath in my lungs until I felt the hot water cascade over my body. I stood there longer than I intended to. I was trying to wash Jax's touch off my skin, his words out of my head and his presence from my soul. Eventually, I realized I wasn't succeeding.

I crept out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, tip toeing across the room. I felt bad that Zane had slept on the chair all night. I had no idea why he would do that, when he could have slept in his bed. Once in my closet, with the door safely shut behind me, I pulled on the first clothes I came into contact with. Which happened to be a pair of shorts and an oversized tee. I pulled the door open, about to leave, when the sight of myself in the mirror pulled my attention instead.

I had barely looked in the mirror this last week. Just a quick glance to make sure I was presentable. I drank in my appearance. I had lost weight. My cheeks were hollow, the arcs of my cheekbones even more prominent. The bags beneath my eyes hadn't left, which was unsurprising.

I looked different, but still the same. The only people who would have been able to tell the difference were those paying attention. I don't think anyone was.

My eyes travelled down towards my hips, and I lifted the tee up, so I could see the skin. The skin that Jax had touched. Not once, but twice now. I almost expected there to be evidence. Like a burn. There was nothing.

It looked the same. It felt different.

"What are you doing?" I heard Zane's voice. I flicked my eyes back up from my hips, finding him in the mirror behind me. He was leaned against the doorframe, observing me. I instantly knew I was talking to serious Zane. This was catch Seren in a lie Zane.

"Getting dressed." I answered him. Only a half life, but how would I tell him that I was making sure that Jax had only left mental scars, and not physical ones?

"You know you're perfect right?" Zane caught me off guard. I didn't know how to respond. Zane never talked about my physical appearance.

"You're perfect the way you are. You don't need to lose any more weight. You didn't in the first place." He glanced towards my still exposed midriff, and it was then I realized that Zane had noticed my weight loss. He was paying attention.

"I know." I muttered. "I'm not trying to."

I dropped my shirt, turning in spot to face him. He looked tired. When he noticed my intent to leave my closet, he quickly moved to the side so that I didn't have to push my way past him.

"Thank you, though." I said quietly as I walked by him.

Zane smiled slightly, nodding at my words. He wasn't usual Zane. Something was bugging him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, forgetting for a moment that he wasn't supposed to be.

"Oh." Zane scratched the back of his head before darting his eyes to the left. "I, uh, didn't want to leave in case you got sick."

Zane always said he knew when I was lying, it turns out his own poker face sucked. I didn't argue, however.

"Do you have a charger?" Zane asked me, holding up his phone. "My phone died."

"I left it downstairs." I told him. "I can grab it."

"It's okay." He said quickly, moving towards the door. "I'll get it."

I nodded as he left. Walking over to my vanity and taking a seat on the furry stool in front of it. I debated on putting make up on, but then I realized I had no reason to. I didn't plan on going anywhere today. And Zane's already seen me at... well... if you could refer to this as rock bottom, which I definitely did, then rock fucking bottom.

I opted for moisturizer instead, and as I moved my hands to grab the bottle, I noticed something. I noticed something that shouldn't be there. A white envelope sat amongst my skin care products. Almost hidden. My chest restricted as I grabbed the letter, hiding it under the top of the vanity. Zane couldn't see this. Zane couldn't know.

I quickly tore it open. I knew I shouldn't. I knew I didn't want to see whatever he wrote. But I had to.

I gave you time. Stop avoiding me.

I let out a rattled breath as I dashed across my room, sliding the note into the same drawer that I had stashed the others. I sat on the bed, trying to act as natural as possible.

"So, I was thinking we could go to breakfast..." Zane began as he entered back into the room, my charger in his hand.

"Zane. I need my pills." I cut him off.

Zane let out a deep sigh at my words. He walked over to the bed and sat beside me, his body was turned towards me.

"You don't need them." He said gently.

"Zane. I need my pills." I stared into his eyes, watching as they flickered around my face. I waited in baited breath. Something in my expression must have told him that I was serious, because it didn't take him long.

"Okay." He agreed. "They're at my house though, Seren." Zane moved one of his hands to my arms, rubbing it up and down.

"Can we go?" I asked him desperately.

"Yeah, uh, okay." Zane said.

I actively didn't think as Zane drove through our neighbourhood. I actively didn't think because if I allowed my brain to think, it would think about the fact that Jax was in my house. He was in my room. He was there.

Zane kept one hand on my knee as he drove. Squeezing it reassuringly every time he glanced over at me, which was often. When we got to his house, he pulled me through the empty rooms by my hand, eventually down the stairs where I knew his room was.

Zane dug around in his closet for a moment, before reappearing with the yellow bottle of pills that I needed so desperately. He looked at me hesitantly before handing me one, which I eagerly took from his palm and placed it under my tongue.

"One more. Please." I muttered, holding my hand out again. Zane studied my face, no doubt having an internal battle on what he should do. He must have noticed my growing annoyance and anger, because he sighed and placed another pill on my waiting palm.

I sighed in relief as the two pills melted in my mouth, knowing I was only fifteen minutes away from being numb.

"Talk to me, distract me." I spat out as I lowered my head into my arms.

"What about?" Zane asked.

"Anything." I said bleakly.

So Zane talked to me. He told me about his mom and dad. They were both sport agents. They had their own firm, which they ran here in the city. He didn't have any siblings. He told me about how he met O and Gavin- middle school science project, they made a volcano. Zane said it was supposed to erupt at the end of the presentation but it erupted at the beginning instead.

I rubbed my temples and sat back upright as I felt the beautiful effects of the pills. My eyes were still closed, so I opened them to find Zane looking at me the way he looked at me the day I burnt my bikini. Seriously concerned.

"Feeling okay?" Zane asked me,

I feel what I want to feel. Nothing.

Zane might have me institutionalized if I said though, so I nodded instead.

"Will you tell me what happened?" Zane asked. But I couldn't. And he knew that.

"Can we watch a movie?" I asked, glancing at the TV and collapsing onto his bed. I curled myself up in the blankets, stacking the pillows on top of each other before laying my head on them.

"Okay." Zane said as he cautiously approached the bed. I looked at him suspiciously. Something was off. Zane was looking like he had his own secret.

"Seren." He said as he sat down beside me.

"What?" Here it comes.

"I want to ask you something and I want you to try not to lie to me." Zane looked serious.

I nodded, knowing I probably couldn't do what he asked.

Zane took a deep breath, like he was readying himself for something.

"What's going on between you and Jax?"