"I control this universe!"

Uhuh. Sure bitch.

"I'm sorry," I sighed, "I don't really know what you're talking about, but... now's really not a good time to spring something like this on me. I'd just like to have a drink with my friend."

I looked over at Hauser, but I noticed he seemed to be frozen in place. He was looking up at the woman, Emma, I think, with a wide smile and his mouth open to say something. However, he wasn't moving. I looked all around- nobody seemed to be doing anything. They were all frozen as well.

"All I'm here to do is give you some advice, sweetie," Emma hummed, sitting cross-legged on the table between me and Hauser. The food and drinks floated off the table and hovered next to us on the tray. "I control everything here, but the characters write themselves. All I do is the plot stuff. And mayyyyybe a few nudges here and there." She leaned down, meeting my height. She had bright blue hair, which faded down into a lighter, pastel blue- most definitely dyed. Her eyes were blue-grey and she had glasses perched on her nose.

"So," she said, "Let's talk Ban business."

"No," I snapped, "I don't care who you are, we are not talking about Ban right now."

"Fine," She shrugged, "Then I'll talk about him."

"Lady, so help me..!" I growled, glaring at her and baring my teeth. She smiled.

"You and Ban are going to get together- I just need to get that out of the way. Believe it or not, none of us like seeing you upset about your relationship with him," Emma said, looking me dead in the eye and not faltering. My face screwed up. "You guys have an endgame."

"What?"

"That is the promise of this story," she said, grinning widely. "You, the main character, who is a representation of the general public, will fall in love and, eventually, be in a long-lasting relationship with Ban."

I cocked my head to the side in confusion. What the hell is this chick talking about?

"What I'm talking about is pretty clear," she said, then laughed upon seeing my incredulous expression.

"Y-you can hear my..?"

"Thoughts? Honey, I make them, of course I hear your thoughts."

"What the fuck is happening..?" I whispered to myself, "This is not what was supposed to happen this chapter... Wait, chapter? The fuck?"

"I'm the author," Emma said, smiling down at me. "Everything that you have gone through from the moment you were born is the result of my imagination. Your interactions with the Deadly Sins, as well as your interactions with everyone else, have been planned and executed by me. I created you, I created a relationship between you and Ban, and I helped to imagine this world. Obviously I'm not the original creator of this idea, that wonderful title goes to a man named Nakaba Suzuki, but I've created a world in... collaboration with his ideas so that you can be here."

She put her cheek in her palm, "(y/n), you are the main character of this story. Everything that happens is centered around you."

"Listen, Lady, you're a nut job," I scoffed, crossing my arms. "You have some time power and you're using it to make yourself look all powerful. I know bullshit when I hear it."

"Why'd I have to model you after myself?" She sighed, then laughed. "Very well! I'll prove myself! What's a ridiculous scenario that would never happen...? Oh! Arthur will come in and ask for your hand in marriage, then Meliodas and Ban will enter, already wearing suits, saying they had already planned yours and Ban's wedding. Hauser will then say he wants to marry you, then Elizabeth'll burst in, proclaiming her love for you. I assume you think that would never happen?"

"Wow, I'm starting to think you really can read my mind," I rolled my eyes.

"Perfect," she grinned devilishly, and everything resumed. Hauser smiled up at her, as she had climbed off the table and went back to the side.

"Thanks!" He grinned, "I'm sure it'll be gre-"

"(Y/N) (l/n)!" A familiar voice shouted. My head snapped to the doorway, where there was a boy with amber hair and golden armor. Upon seeing me, his face lit up and he came rushing toward me, stumbling slightly before grasping my hand. He got down on one knee. No way. "(Y/N), from the moment I first saw you, I had fallen in true love. You're so beautiful and powerful and you deserve the very best! So, I want to ask for your hand in marriage! Please, be my bride! I already asked Merlin- she approves!"

"We all love supportive mom Merlin," Emma hummed quietly.

I stared down at the boy in shock, eyes wide and mind racing with thoughts. Why the hell was Arthur here? And why was he proposing?

Wait...

I turned around, finding Emma watching in amusement. She winked at me, then turned to the door, nodding in its direction. I turned to face it as well.

"I object!" Meli came bounding through the door, and, to my complete horror, he was wearing a black and white suit. "Ban and (y/n) are the all-powerful ship here! They're already getting married!"

"Yeah, so hands off," Ban snarled, stomping in the room, suit-clad as well, and grabbing Arthur by the collar of his armor. The boy glared at the Sin, struggling in his grip.

"No! (Y/N) will be mine!" Arthur shouted, puffing his cheeks out as he finally relinquished himself of Ban's grip. He pulled out a sword, and Ban grinned manically.

"Stop!" Hauser demanded, shooting up from his seat at the table. They all turned to face him. "I planned to propose here! I wish to be (y/n)'s husband!"

"What in the actual fuck." I said, staring at all the men, gathered in this one place. This was the single most bizarre thing I had ever witnessed.

"Stop it! I've loved (y/n) since I met her when I was a child!" A soft-spoken voice rang out in the room, and Ellie made herself apparent. She was panting and slightly red-faced, clutching her chest where her heart is. "I'm more devoted to her than all of you could ever be!"

They all began shouting at each other, demanding that they were more worthy of my love than the other. I sat there in complete and total confusion, watching this insanity play out. Just as a fight was about to break out, a voice stopped them.

"Alright, everyone, that's enough!" Emma called from behind me, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "Shoo shoo, you maniacs- get outta here! I'm starting to regret choosing this. This is going to cause so much shipping...."

The people all froze in their positions upon her speaking, then disappeared. Hauser reappeared in his seat. She smiled, laughing as she looked down at me. "Besides, we all know the only real ship here is you and me~"

She bent down, taking my chin in her fingers. Her smile was mischievous as she stared at me, eyes shining in delight. My entire body tensed up, but I couldn't bring myself to look away. After a moment of very... tense (in a way I wouldn't like to admit *cough cough*) staring, she let go of my chin, laughing.

"Just kidding!" She bubbled, "Anyway, do you believe me now?"

I nodded, cheeks flushing a pink color. She smiled, "Oh, chill out, there's no need to be embarrassed. I'm not a main character, so I won't be around very often. My only purpose right now is to give you some advice. Well, that and to fuck with our readers."

Readers? I'm so confused...

She looked off to the side, staring directly at you, smiling. Wait, who is 'you'?

You know what? I give up. Understanding this bullshit is an impossible feat. I'll just go with it. Cause that's what a rational person would do in this situation.

"Anyway, this'll be over really quick," she said, "Just some friendly advice from the most powerful being in this universe."

"O...kay?" I said unsurely. She sat on the table again, looking up at the ceiling, almost as though she was deep in thought. When she started speaking, she didn't look at me.

"You need to focus more on yourself- but not in the way you do right now. All you do whenever you look at yourself is see a mistake, someone who isn't worth anything. Trust me, we all do it, but... you need to be more confident," she said, then chuckled quietly. "I know I could just randomly change your character, but I'm going for continuity, y'know?"

She sighed, looking down at me again with a smile. "I'm proud of you and what you've become. This has become so much bigger than I ever thought it could. Honestly, this was sort-of something I started because I like writing, but you've become the fan-favorite of hundreds of people. Which is insane, by the way. You have so much more support than you know- everyone who sees you from afar or who is witnessing your story loves you to death." She grinned wider, "So for all of your fans- believe in yourself!"

"F-fans..?" I mumbled, looking up at her with wide eyes. "But it's not that easy... you can't just-"

"Undo all the shit you've gone through, or that you're going through right now." She finished for me, "I know. Buuuuttt! You can work on it. Being sad is a normal thing, and we all don't like ourselves sometimes. Just... appreciate how cool you are! You're next adventure... it won't be a very happy one. There's going to be a lot of stuff you'll have to deal with- stuff that you really won't want to. It's going to be hard to stay positive. I just want to make sure you remember that this will all end happily."

"Believe in myself..." I mumbled, then chuckled. "That's a tall order, Ms. Creator-of-the-universe."

"Mrs," she winked, "I pretty sure I'm married to Not a single Pringle anymore!"

"Ha, lucky you," I grinned, chuckling quietly. After a moment of realization, I cocked my head to the side in confusion. "Wait, what's a Pringle?"

"Pffft," she snorted, "Sorry, I forgot. Different universes and stuff. Oh! One more thing!"

"Another one?" I raised an eyebrow, "Be careful, don't overload me."

"Hey, don't fuck with me, sweetie. I've got the power of God and anime on my side," Emma grinned. Honestly, I've given up on trying to understand her- it's better to just go with it sometimes. Obviously she can do things other people can't, and she seems pretty trustworthy. She's also... kinda cool, I guess.

"Aww," she sniffed, wiping a comical tear from her cheek. "My baby actually likes me... I'm so happy!"

"I will throw my shoe at you," I growled, eyebrow twitching as she laughed.

"I know, I know," she hummed, smiling. The lax atmosphere was quickly shut down when her tone got very serious- almost uncharacteristically so. "You need to find a Remembrance Stone."

My eyes widened. That's impossible! I spent fifteen years looking and nothing. There's no more in Britannia, and if there is, they're somewhere not even I can go.

"There's been a resurgence in the black market." she explained quickly, "I'll give you a signal so you'll know when to go get it, but you'll need to ask Merlin to teleport you to Ravens because I can't get you there without interfering and revealing myself. There's a small shop behind a rundown hotel- you'll find it there."

"Why do I need a Remembrance Stone?" I asked, screwing up my face.

She smiled, putting her finger up to her lips with a wink. "I can't give away too much, can I?"

"I'm starting to like you a lot less," I scowled, and she laughed.

"There's the (y/n) we know and love!" She smiled, then hopped off the table, placing the food and drinks where she had been sitting, then making the tray disappear. "Welp- I'll be off. I need to be a hermit and work on my gazillion other universes." She laughed, giving me a two fingered salute. "Don't miss me too much!"

"That wont be a problem," I grumbled, but was still smiling all the same.

"Hey, there," she smirked, "I'll make you fall in love with me if you aren't careful~"

"That'd be terrifying," I snorted, and she smiled widely. "See ya, Emma."

"Bye, (y/n)!" She smiled, "And remember what I said- stop flirting with every cute guy you see!"

She swatted me across the head, and the world seemed to resume. Emma disappeared without a trace, almost as though she hadn't been there. I rubbed the back of my head. Ow...

"Thanks! I'm sure it'll be gre...at... huh?" Hauser asked, looking around. His eyes rested on me, giving me a questioning glance. "Where'd the waiter go?"

"She has something to do, I guess," I shrugged, smiling. I then reached forward and grabbed my pint, "Now let's drink our sorrows away!"

Today is the day of mood swings and oddities- and it's not even 10:00 yet.