《Greed and Despond (Ban x Sin!Reader)》71
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I gasped, scrambling backward until I was pressed against a tree, which began to crumble into ash. I was sobbing still, whimpering as I stared (probably looking horrifically ugly, per usual) at the people standing in front of me.
First, there was Diane, who was still our size at the moment. She was staring at me in disbelief, her face scrunched up in confusion and pain as she stared at me. Her hands were closed in fists, and she was trembling, looking on the brink of either punching me or crying. She was the one who had spoken up, cutting me off and making me realize that they had seen- and found- me.
Next to her were Ellie and Hawk. Ellie had her hand over her mouth as tears spilled down her cheeks, her body shaking as she stared at me. Hawk, from just in front of her, had his jaw slack and eyes wide. I could see anger building behind them, as he wasn't one to get sad, but rather angry when it came to situations like this.
Emma... oh, god, Emma... The small girl was standing next to Hawk, snot sneaking out from her nose as she tried to look strong- and I could tell she was trying really hard. Occasionally, a tear would fall down her cheek, and her bottom lip was quivering at the effort of holding back her whimpers and cried. Her hands shook, clutching the bottom hem of her dress. She must've come to the Boar Hat looking for me...
Merlin was standing just behind all of them, her usual calm, cool demeanor gone as she stared down at me. She looked pained, sad- like she had just witnessed a death or something. They all seemed sad and angry.
Geez, I did it again...
Then there was King and Ban. They were standing behind all of the girls (and Hawk), clearly trying to be unnoticed. Ban was standing behind a tree, not daring to look at me, but I could tell something was wrong with him. King was staring at me, looking guilty and absolutely heartbroken. He wasn't floating- he was standing. His pillow lay discarded next to him on the floor, a single tear falling down his right cheek.
The tree behind me disintegrated completely, and I clutched my head, hugging my knees closer to my chest. I rocked back and forth, sobbing harder as I tried to speak coherently.
God, this is all my fault...
"Please go away," I sobbed, my voice hoarse and absolutely despairing. "Please, please, please, please, please... please just leave me alone! Go away... go away- away, away, I want you away, please!"
If it wasn't for me being so stupid and selfish...
"Please, I cant deal with this right now!" I cried, "I can't deal with you staring and judging and feeling bad and having more problems all because of me! Stupid, stupid, stupid, I'm so stupid..."
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They wouldn't be here, having to deal with me...
"Stop! I don't want you to deal with me...! I just want it all to stop, I want everything to stop! Just make it stop, stop, stop! Make it go away! Go away!" My voice went down in volume, now just above a hoarse whisper. I was shaking so hard, I thought everyone else could feel it. "Please... I want... I just want it all to stop..."
They wouldn't have yet another burden on their shoulders...
"(Y/N), you stupid idiot!" Diane sobbed, tears falling from her face as she ran toward me crying her eyes out. She wrapped me in a hug I wasn't expecting, and I gasped, ceasing all whining and sobbing. I went dead silent. "You dumb, dumb, dumb, dummy! Why would you think that?! I thought we were friends! I supposed to deal with you! I'm supposed to help you with this stuff! You idiot!"
"(Y/N)..." Ellie whimpered through her tears, stumbling into a hug as well, wrapping her arms around me as she cried too. "I'm so sorry that you were feeling this way... why didn't you tell us! We- hic- we could've helped! W-we will help! Just please... don't push us away..!"
"Yeah!" Hawk huffed, stomping his foot while he stood in front of me. His gaze softened ever-so-slightly and he lightly pressed his snout up against my quivering legs. "Whatever bastards made you feel like this- we'll make 'em pay! We'll help you however we can, (y/n)!"
"Please don't do that! Please don't ever, ever, ever say such mean things about yourself ever again, (y/n)!" Emma cried, running toward me and wrapping her arms around me from behind. "I don't wanna lose you! You're the closest to a mommy I've ever had! You're super nice, a-and you play with us, and you m-make us feel good! So please stop!"
Closest to a mommy..?
I felt the tears coming back, and I started to shake slightly. My breathing became short and uneven.
"My dear, you have so much to learn," Merlin sighed, walking toward me. She crouched down in front of me, where Diane and Ellie were sniffling on either of my shoulders and Hawk was just to her left. She grabbed my head, pressing it into her shoulder. I scrunched up my face in sadness, trying to hold back the oncoming flood of tears. Why were they all being so nice..? "But I believe the first should be that not everything is your fault. The next- that we all care for you no matter your flaws, we always have, and we always will."
That's when the tears started pouring out again. I cried as if there was no tomorrow clutching onto the people around me for dear life- it felt like if I let go, I would lose them forever.
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Ha...
I don't get it, I really don't...
I've been nothing but a troublemaker and problem since I first joined the team...
And yet here we are...
Sitting in a meadow of burned grass and sobbing as they comforted me, telling me how awesome I am and how I don't deserve to feel like this...?
But why...?
Why are they being so nice to me...?
I don't get it...
I don't deserv-
(Y/N), what have we told you? Merlin's voice echoed in my head. We all care deeply for you- you are part of the team. If anyone else were feeling this way, you would be the first to comfort them. You are one of the most valuable fighters here- you are one of the most valued friends here. There is no need to fret, (y/n). Just trust me. You're going to be okay- we're all going to be okay.
Then she spoke aloud, mumbling so only I could hear it, "So stop worrying so much about other people, and start worrying about yourself."
I cried harder, spending what felt like hours trying to calm myself, but only continuing to deprive myself of the most necessary substance of living things. It seemed to take all day until I finally stopped crying and collapsed on the floor, unconscious.
"Diane, would you carry her in? Elizabeth, Hawk, and Emma, help her," Merlin said after you had fallen into unconsciousness. They all did so immediately, feeling absolutely terrible for you. Emma was the only one who had yet to stop crying, small hics coming from her throat as she rubbed fat tears from her cheeks. She held Elizabeth's hand as she went into the bar, helping the others try to make you as comfortable as possible.
Merlin sighed, turning around and facing the three males who had watched the twenty minutes of sobbing silently. Meliodas stared at the sky, hands in the pockets, while both Ban and King stared guiltily at the floor. She glanced over at the Dragon Sin, then closed her eyes, her usual, condescending smile reappearing on her features. "Captain, I'm sure you're prepared to handle this?"
The man nodded, Merlin glancing to the two Sins before snapping her fingers to cast the spell. She disappeared, teleporting to the bar to help the other girls and bring Emma home.
Meliodas turned to Ban and King, not saying anything. All he did was stare in complete silence, attempting to keep his face straight as he watched.
"Captain, how do I fix this...?" King asked quietly, the first to break the silence as he stared at the floor, shaking. "She feels so horrible about herself and I don't know how to fix it. I thought..." his voice broke, and small water droplets began to fall and disappear in the grass, just on the edge of the blackened plants. "I thought it was Ban, but... she just got mad at me for trying to help... a-and after hearing that, I don't.... I don't know what to do..."
Meliodas then turned to look at Ban, who said nothing. After a minute, the captain raised his eyebrow. "Nothing to say?"
"Nothing I say will change it," he spat bitterly.
"God, Ban, what is wrong with you?" King cried, throwing his hands up as he stared at the aforementioned man. Tears fell down his face; Ban didn't even look at him. "You don't care? Seriously? I thought you had feelings for her!"
Ban stayed silent.
"At least I'm trying to fix it!" King growled, "Next thing you know, you'll be running off to find Elaine!"
"You're right," Ban said, turning away. "I will."
Then he walked off, stalking further into the woods. Meliodas sighed, shaking his head, then turned to King, who was still angry and crying. The captain spoke, "Head inside, King. (Y/N) should wake up sometime soon- I'll be right behind you."
King stalked toward the Boar Hat, trying to muffle his whimpers as he cried. He felt so bad- like it was all his fault.
Meliodas turned to where Ban disappeared. He knew he was behind a nearby tree, standing there as tears felt silently from his eyes. He felt guilty beyond all belief.
"Ban," The blonde man said, "You know you're going to lose her. Do whatever you need to do, I won't stop you. You better do it fast, though, because once (y/n) gives up on someone- they're basically dead to her. And you don't want that."
With that, he turned toward the Boar Hat, going to rejoin his other comrades. Once he disappeared, Ban lightly hit his head against the tree, knocking the back of his skull against the bark of the oak. His face was scrunched up in pain, tears now streaming down his cheeks, just as yours had moments ago.
His quiet sniffs and hics could be heard from only a short distance, and thus were unknown to everyone. Nobody could hear the anguish in his cries, or the sound of him giving up in the quiet, involuntary whimpers that escaped his throat.
Ban didn't know what to do.
Ban didn't know how to fix it.
Ban didn't know how to help you.
Ban didn't know what he could do to make this better.
He had truly lost his way- and, in his mind, he had already lost you too.
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