Translator: Fringe Capybara

Chapter 19 - She wished that she would not run into them ever again (1)

The few caring words pierced through her ears and straight to her heart. Chi Ying could no longer omit the pangs of pain they were causing her.

She forced herself to swallow them up like broken glass, and she had an enlightenment.

She had played the wrong role; she was playing herself instead of the character.

Chi Ying still remembered that when she was young, she had once represented her kindergarten in a city-level drama competition. She played the role of a cold and hungry homeless little girl.

She was still young and naïve, and she enjoyed listening to her grandma tell her fairy tales. The stories were interesting, lively and colorful.

Being restricted by her age and her experiences, she couldn’t understand the deeper meaning beyond the words.

The drama teacher told her that she needed to tear up and to cry at the end of the drama.

Chi Ying understood that the girl in the story was very pitiful.

But she wasn’t pitiful. Even though her parents had passed away and they were poor, her grandmother was very nice to her. As poor as they were, she was always able to have the lollipops and dolls that she had wanted.

She felt that she was a lucky person. She didn’t like to cry; contrarily, she had a bright smile on her every day, warm like a little sun.

Her teacher asked her, “Do you know how to make yourself cry?”

She shook her head, at loss.

Her teacher said solemnly, “You imagine that one day your mom is no longer around and will never be back.”

Chi Ying nodded, but quickly, she shook her head again. She had no recollection of her mother. Why would she be sad that she has left?

Her teacher was troubled for a little but quickly, she smacked herself over her head and seemingly came up with an idea.

Her teacher guided her, “Chi Ying, who’s your favorite person in the world?”

Her voice was milky but with certainty, “My grandma!”

“Then, after you walked onto the stage, you just imagine your favorite grandmother has left you forever, okay?”

On the day of, Chi Ying stood on the vast stage and looked down. She saw crowds and crowds of people wherever she looked.

She couldn’t see her grandmother. She felt helpless and alone.

What would she do if she loses her grandmother?

Grandma was so nice to her. She didn’t want to lose her.

Suddenly, an uncontrollable unjust and sadness exploded in her chest and large droplets of tears rolled down her milky white cheeks.

When she started talking again, her milky voice was choked with sobs.

Thunderous clapping came from below the stage.

After the performance, her teacher rubbed her on her head and said, “Excellent job!”

That was the day that a recruiter had picked her out.

Afterward, she started learning acting systematically. She was lucky enough to have met a virtuous and prestigious master-level acting instructor.

The old master had told her that, “The way you were crying was incorrect.”

“It might be very advantageous for a beginner, but if you want to become a real actor, you must work on becoming the best. That would include precision on microexpressions.”

She was used to imagining the scenario of “losing her grandmother”. Majority of her emotions were life and death plus the fear of the unknown, but that wasn’t the only emotions that she would come across in scripts.

The old master had told her, “Your tears should be that of the characters’.

“You need to become her, feel her, guide her, and act as if you were her.

“The night of the drama, you didn’t cry because you have lost the one you loved the most, but because you were out on the streets, cold and hungry.”

In the rest of her acting career, she had never met another director that was as detailed and caring as that old master.

Most of the productions had turned into fast-food culture. They would not focus on you or scold you for just one look.

Even so, Chi Ying had never let herself go.

Yet, she had just made the mistake that she hasn’t made in years during the audition. She didn’t act out the character; she acted out herself.

The character’s experience was not the same as her experience, neither was her emotion. There would be parts that were similar, but there would also be differences in their depths and gradients.

No wonder the instructor said, “Part of the emotions could be emphasized more, but you didn’t quite get that.”