"You're serious?" Siara asks, her eyes getting teary, making me nod in response. I want to tell her that I am joking, but that will just be a lie.

I have been thinking of going to rehab for sometime now, but I never took the thoughts seriously. I always told myself that I would go later on in life, and then when I started therapy, I thought I was all good, I thought I was finally getting better.

And I was for a moment. I put the pills away and I put my weapons away as well. But I knew that I needed to do more. I still feel tired when I am alone, I spend so much time working because I need a distraction. My mind starts wandering when I sit idle, I start overthinking, and as a result, my head starts hurting.

Sometimes I find myself staring at the knives and razor blades, the urge to press the sharp objects against my skin becoming strong.

I feel exhausted most times, and I would want to sleep, but sleep is usually far away. And then the thought of the pills comes to mind, I would want to swallow two or more pills every second of the day.

I know that I am addicted to the pain. The pain is part of my body. The pain is part of my life.

My whole life I have known pain. Happiness does not stay in my life; happiness is an emotion that disappears a few hours or minutes after I find it.

I have to admit that seeing Ken, and Anna made me angry. I remembered everything that I passed through when I was younger. I wanted to torture them with my own hands, I wanted to cut them in pieces.

But I failed to hold the knives for too long. My hands started shivering when I saw the knife, I began remembering everything I passed through. I remembered my childhood, my teenage years, and my twenties.

I remembered the big scar on my back, a scar that was given to me by Ken, using a knife.

But the memory that made me nervous was my first suicide attempt. I remembered how vulnerable I was then, I remembered how helpless I was, I still remember how disorganized and broken I was.

I tried touching the knife, but I was afraid of getting hurt with it. I was afraid of cutting myself. I was afraid that one cut can bring the addication back.

And at that moment, I realized that I am still broken, I realized that I need more help. I realized that I am still fragile.

A small part of me did want to cut myself, I felt like I was alone in the room. I forgot that Hunter, and everyone else was watching. It is like my mind locked me in a cage, a cage that had knives in it.

A small cut will cause a big addication. I knew that one small cut could bring the old Diego back.

I remember cutting myself as a way of living. I would feel like I was free when I cut myself. But sometimes I would cut myself too deep, which resulted in the many suicide attempts that followed.

Hunter pushed me away from the knieves that day, and by the words he uttered earlier today, I have realized that he knew what I was thinking. Hunter knew that I would go back to my old ways, and sadly we, Hunter and I, both know that I would get in too deep if I began to cut myself, again.

"But why do you want to leave? I thought you said that you are getting better?" I hear Siara's voice ask, her voice cracking with every word.

I break out of my thoughts, turning my head in her direction once more, my eyes meeting her teary hazel eyes.

I want to touch her face. I want to caress her cheek. I want to kiss her soft lips. I want to kiss her forehead. I want to assure her that everything will be alright. I want to tell her that I will not leave.

But I know that I would be lying to her, and I hate lying. I cannot assure her that I will be alright, because I know myself. I know that my thoughts can control me. I know how much damage my thoughts cause.

I breath out in sadness, my hand moving to wipe her teary eyes. I wipe her eyes, but the tears do not stop. The more I try to wipe them away, the more they drop. I give up, pulling her into my hands, while placing her head on my chest.

I can feel her sob against my chest, which makes me feel suffocated. I feel like my heart is getting squeezed with every tear that drops from her eyes.

"Don't cry," I murmur, caressing her back. "I have to do this.... I have to leave if I want to get better. I have to leave so that we can be together one day.... I want to make you happy one day, and I know that staying here will hurt one of us. I do not want to hurt you with my many mood swings."

I lift her head from my chest, placing my hand under her chin as our eyes meet. Tears are still dropping from her eyes, and I make sure I wipe every single one.

"You deserve a sane man; and I am far from sane right now," I murmur the last part, kissing her forehead.

The room is now silent. Siara has quieted down, her head laid down on my shoulder, with my hand caressing her back.

"What about the hearing?" I hear Siara ask as she plays with the pill bottle that is still in my hand.

I glance at Siara, who has a sad expression on her face. I sigh, not wanting to blame myself for her sadness.

"The hearing will still take place next week, and I will be present as well," I answer. "Everyone will be present, including the four people that are in the basement."

"Won't the judge and police officers get suspicious?" Siara questions, confusion in her voice. "Eric, Ken, Bianca, and even Anna look horrible. The four have scars on their bodies...... The four received beatings this week, and I doubt if they will heal fast." Siara explains.

I turn my head in her direction, our eyes meeting, again. My eyes roam her face, stopping at her lips. I wonder if I can kiss her?

I start debating with myself till I feel a punch on my bicep.

"Diego!" Siara calls out, pouting. I chuckle in response, shaking my head at her. I want to kiss her pout away, though.

"Their faces have no scars, and I also called a doctor to check on them. No bone is broken, and they are also on medication; they will start feeling better before the hearing,"

"Ok." Siara stretches the word, her voice sounding unconvinced. But Siara does not push for more answers, she lays her head on my shoulder instead.

I start caressing her back, wanting to enjoy the peaceful moment. But Siara decides to ask another question, which makes me sigh in annoyance.

The person that gives me peace is also becoming a big problem.

"Have you spoken to the lawyer?" Siara asks nervously. I nod in response.

"I am talking to my lawyer right now," I say. But Siara shakes her head, looking at me, I can tell she is silently judging me, her expression says a lot. It looks like she is silently calling me a dumbass.

"I am not licensed, dumbo," She murmurs. I would think she was not crying a while ago, but I was here when everything happened. "You have a lawyer at Grand's law firm.... I am still an intern, and I'm still a student. I can even get arrested if I represented you." Siara silently explains, I can tell she wants to sleep by her voice.

I glance at her, and I am not surprised when I see her sleeping. Siara has fallen asleep in my presence more times than I can remember, and I must say, she falls asleep fast.

I can not help but admire how beautiful she looks while she sleeps.

Siara is a sleeping beauty.

She is my sleeping beauty.

AUTHOR'S NOTE.

I managed to write this after I wrote the author's note.

I hope it makes sense. I fell asleep three or four times while writing this, and I just finished typing it.

And guess who did her hair yesterday?:-)..... If you see a beast on my profile, don't get surprised.... You have been warned😑

Be safe and happy ❤️