《Sewing Bullets (Sorrentino Mafia 1)》Therefor I Am
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Stella
I sat at my desk tapping my pen while staring at the computer. It feels like every day I'm more and more behind on dress orders, scheduling my one on ones and bills.
Cracking my neck, I checked the time, the main reason I'm nervous is for the doctor appointment I finally have tonight.
"Hey?" Startled I look to see Esperanza strolling into the store. "You okay?"
"Yep." I began to nod before laughing and shaking my head. "Ugh, I don't know. I branded someone yesterday."
She plopped down in the chair in front of me. "That you did, like a champ to."
"Ha. Ha." I fake laughed.
Esperenza chuckled. "I'm serious, give yourself credit."
"Tell me if this is wrong." I fidgeted, watching her open her coffee thermos in front of me, her face apologetic that she couldn't give me any. "Since I have been with Max and getting to live in the mafia world I have felt nothing but weak."
She tilted her head taking a sip of her coffee. "I see where you would feel that way."
Blowing a breath of frustration, I found myself brimming with tension I needed to get out. "I have been kidnapped, strangled, guards follow me with guns with a shoot first rule, and I branded someone. I know mafia and normal life are two different spectrums but I don't know how to fit into yours. Since I have been, its feels like I need someone around every second to protect me or explain, I don't remember that last time I felt confident. I cannot live my life needing to be saved and I can't live my life forcing myself to be darker version of myself, to brand, or shoot, or hell kill."
Esperenza didn't say anything, letting me rant. "I love Max, I do and I want to be in his world. But what if one day I get warped into someone I am not and he looks at me as a stranger. What if I look at myself as a stranger?"
"Alright. I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself. No one expects you to be a full out mafia member in a day." She said softly while I tapped the pencil on the desk.
Sighing I nodded along. "Thanks for that. I just can't help but wonder if Lorenzo will drop any new duties on my desk and if he expects me to be a full mafia member."
"I was sixteen when I showed up at Lorenzo's door demanding to be a part of his family." Esperenza said with a faraway look on her face. "My father died when I was a kid so my mom took me and raised me with her family who aren't as up to date with female rights, still old school mafia."
Leaning back in the chair I nodded. "Max mentioned that the family is more progressive than most."
Esperenza took a breath. "Yep. By the age of sixteen I had three different marriage proposals that my mother was reviewing."
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I winced. "Three? Sixteen? Your mother was reviewing them?"
"Mhm." Esperenza gave a dry chuckle. "Sounds like a different world huh."
"How did you get out of it? Lorenzo?" I asked carefully, I didn't want to trigger her.
Esperenza shrugged. "Yes and no. I wanted freedom so I got my tubes tied then ran to Lorenzo, he helped shield me from my family who felt betrayed by me not being a breeder. He never told me what he had to do to shield me from them. I guess I didn't care, I spent my days being trained by Vinzo to become a threat and work in the field."
I gave a moment of silence, unsure how to respond. "You went through all that when you were only sixteen?"
"Yep. I figured if someone loved me, then they wouldn't care about me giving them a child to carry their name. When Lorenzo took me in, he gave me the tools to be the woman I wanted to be. Told me he would give me the freedom but I had to make my own way." Esperenza unclasped her snake bracelet, it falling into a whip. "Think I made a name for myself."
Understanding the reason she shared this story I nodded. "Lorenzo is offering me the same chance, to be Stella not Max's pregnant whore."
Esperenza gasped. "I knew you were more than a pretty face. And yes, he is giving you the chance to be Stella, Maximus's woman. Not Maximus's whore and baby momma. You need to make that distinction early on before the title sticks the wrong way."
I groaned. "Why do people feel the need to impose their bullshit opinions."
Esperenza shrugged. "You got Lorenzo in your corner, that counts for something. He is already changing a bylaw for you and Maximus." I tilted my head in question. "Goes back to that stupid female place, he is making sure that if you and Maximus have a girl she can inherit the Don."
My eyes widened. "I didn't even know I had to think about my kid inheriting this. I'm sorry you had to deal with this for your entire life and make the choice to not have kids to avoid it."
Esperenza shrugged. "I never thought of kids, motherhood isn't a definition of being a woman. Plus, not like I have met 'the one' like you have."
"Still tough to make that kind of decision at sixteen." I say, noticing her dampening mood I change the perspective. "But, bright side, you never have to worry about being knocked up."
Esperenza laughed. "Amen to that."
Hearing the door chime go off I see Desimond come in, my feet standing up and walking over to her. "Hey sweetie how was school?"
She shrugged hanging her backpack up. "Over it."
Chuckling I took out a key. "Here, I want you to have this. It's a key to my apartment upstairs."
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Her body went rod straight, maybe I should have sugar coated but Desimond isn't someone who wants sugar. "Sebastian told you didn't he."
Giving her a soft smile, I nod. "I don't think less of you because of where you live, you are a tough kid who I have grown to really like. You don't have to use the apartment, but if you ever want to, don't hesitate."
She fidgeted. "I don't know if I can accept."
"Hey." I put my hand on her shoulder. "I'm moving in with Max which means the apartment will be empty. You are pulling more hours and no matter what your schools says you're getting paid money. If you want the space for yourself to focus on school and sleep; it's there. No pressure, think of it like apartment sitting."
Slowly her hand reached out, taking the key in my hand. "Thank you..."
Her words were low but I knew it meant something to her. Giving her a wink, I bump my hips into hers. "Now that's over, go design me something. It can be a dress, a shirt, a suit or hell something slutty."
A small bubble of laughter came out of her. "I'll think of something. And um, you can call me Desi."
Laughing I wrapped my arms around her shoulder walked to the design table. "Thank god, Sebastian called you Desi and I was pretty jealous he got to call you a nick name and I wasn't."
Desi grinned sheepishly. "He pestered me until I gave him the okay to call me 'Desi', sorry."
I stopped us and took a look at her. "If he puts one toe out of line, he's getting castrated."
The young woman gasped. "You can't castrate him!"
"Who we castrating?!" Esperenza shouted from my desk looking up from her phone. "Haven't done that in a while."
I smirked at my new best friend. "Sebastian if he dares flirt with Desi."
Desi groaned while Esperenza got up and walked over. My phone rang making me excuse myself from their now playful banter about the young man.
Checking the contact, I smile and answer. "Hey."
"Hello gorgeous." Maximus answered in a tight voice. "You having a good day?"
I hummed. "It's alright, little nervous for the appointment today. Are you picking me up or am I meeting you at the practice?"
Silence. "Um, I have something I need to tell you."
I stop walking by the wedding gowns. "You can't make it to my doctor appointment."
"Cazzo. I want to be there but something came up at the docks that I have to go attend." Max said into the phone, his voice distressed.
My fingers ran over the different dresses. "Is everyone okay?"
He cleared his throat. "They are fine. If I could be there I would but Lorenzo and Romano are both in meetings and can't get out. I have to respond there."
Bouncing on my feet I sigh. "It's him, isn't it."
I could picture Max now, fidgeting with closing or opening his suit jacket. "I'm not there yet, but I think its Carnellio making a move. Stella, I'm-"
I cut him off before he could blame himself for his duty. "It's okay, Esperenza is here so I can have her take me. I'll see you tonight and let you know how it goes."
Max was silent for a moment before speaking. "You are being understanding, I was hoping you would shout at me for missing our child's first ultrasound."
I shrug. "Well, take what I give right now. Now I don't have to worry about you fainting seeing the ultra sound. Take care of yourself out there and I'll make sure to take care of our child."
"I will my star. Almost in love with you."
I smiled into the phone. "Almost in love with you."
With that the call ended.
I sighed deeply. I understand that he has work and that he is still trying to catch Carnellio but I don't want to face the nervousness of my first ultra sound alone. Plus, he should be there with me for it.
Looking to Esperenza I saw her with an evil smile and Desi with rosy embarrassed cheeks. "Hey Esperenza, need a favor."
She turned to me. "Yes?"
I tap on the dresses beside me. "Wanna go to my doctors appointment with me? I'll buy us dinner after."
She perked her lips. "Sure, there's a new Chinese restaurant I wanna try out. Just tell me you won't let him get out of missing it too easily? No matter what ever the fuck is going on."
I chuckled walking over to the two ladies. "Oh, hell no, I will think of a great way to get back at him. Or maybe my silent acceptance of him missing this appointment will drive him insane and save my calories."
"Good." Esperenza said with a smirk before diverting her attention back to Desi. "So back to our conversation how Sebastian isn't attractive and doesn't playfully flirt with you when he drives you home each night."
Desi groaned. "I don't care about the guy, he is just trying to see if I can laugh. My days are spent thinking ways to get out of this town, not meet some mafia boy to marry and have a baby with. No offense Stella."
I shrugged. "Hey I didn't get married, skipped right to the baby. Enjoy your youth and focus on what you want."
"There's always time for fun." Esperenza teased.
My hand went up to point at her. "Hey, no corrupting."
Desi groaned. "I am fairly independent and I don't need Stella versus Esperenza on my shoulders."
The two continued to banter, leaving my thoughts to drift back to not having Max with me tonight. With an idea in mind I step away from the two ladies again.
Walking away, I look at my phone and dialed the doctor's office. "Hi. This is Stella Reynalds, I am calling to confirm my 450 appointment. I have a weird question about today's appointment?"
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