I slept like the dead. After several eventful days, I was thankful I got some shuteye. For once, I slept as long as I wanted, taking advantage of my day off work.

It was Thursday, and I hadn't set any plans for today. Maybe it would be a good idea to meet up with the guys to talk if they had time. I needed to know more before I made my decision, and they were the only ones who could provide me with the answers.

Kevin had a good point about ground rules, which was added to the list of things I needed to take up with them.

Satisfied with my plan, I reached for my phone to send a quick message to Callan to ask if they had time to talk. Though it wasn't quick, I spent fifteen minutes trying to figure out what to write to him. It was exhausting overanalyzing everything I did.

Callan didn't take long before he answered back.

Dinner, 8PM. Dress in something nice, one of us will pick you up.

Well, I guess that worked. I only had like eight hours to kill before then. What would I do with all the spare time?

I considered getting in touch with one of my college buddies, but that would probably shock the hell out of them. Sure, we were friends, but more so on school than outside of it. Was that weird? Maybe, but then again, I'd never been one of those who were very social. It wasn't that I didn't want to hang out; I just... I guess it was hard for me to break out of my own little world. Mostly, I was considered unapproachable outside of school, even if I hadn't meant that to happen.

In the first year at NYU, I was busy with school, work, and internships. I'd probably said too many noes to my friends, and in the end, they stopped asking me to hang out, thinking no meant never.

It hurt when they stopped asking, but I understood why. It was just, now that I wanted to break out of it, I didn't know how. Or yeah, maybe I did; I was just too afraid they'd be the ones to say no this time.

In the end, I chose to go for a run instead. I had too many jittery nerves to stay still, and I needed to burn it off before I met up with them.

When it finally became time for me to dress up, the nerves I thought I'd gotten rid of came rushing back. This wasn't supposed to be a date, right? Because, even if we agreed to this weird arrangement, we would not be dating. That wasn't in the book for either of us.

"Kevin, you need to help me," I begged when he answered the phone. Somehow, Kevin had become the person I turned to when I needed fashion advice. It felt great to have someone in my corner. Maybe I really should contact my other friends...

"For the dinner plans?" he asked as he sipped a cup of coffee, looking slightly disheveled. Had he been having sex? The question was at the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed it down. He would tell me if or when he wanted to.

I'd told him earlier about the dinner, simply because I needed to talk to someone about it. He, of course, was all in with my plans.

"Yeah, he told me to 'wear something nice.' Help?" In my mind, something nice was a pretty blouse and skinny jeans with boots. I didn't think that was what Callan meant.

"Okay, show me your closet." And when I did, he laughed and directed me. "Where you have your dresses, I don't need to see your band tee shirts."

Fair enough.

For rarely wearing dresses, I had a lot of them. That, I could thank my mom for. She and I was the complete opposite; while she preferred skirts and dresses, I... well... I didn't, obviously.

Mom always bought me clothes for gifts. I think some part of her felt robbed for not having the dream relationship with her one and only daughter– and child. I was never keen on playing dress-up with her as a kid; I simply had no interest in it. And so, by giving me clothes as gifts, she could at least have some of that.

In short, she bonded over clothes; that was her thing. I didn't have the heart to tell her I couldn't care less about color coordination or what looked good with what. And I definitely didn't have the heart to tell her that most of what she bought me would stay untouched in my closet.

"Holy shit!" Kevin exclaimed. "Take the red dress to the far left out. I want to see it."

I did as he asked, grabbing the silky material and laid it out on the bed for him to look at it.

"Yup, that's definitely the one. Wear it with black heels," he stated, nodding resolutely.

"Thanks, I owe you." I turned the camera back to me.

"Just have a great night, and we're good." What had I done to deserve him? I was so happy I'd opened up to him about the club and the men. It seemed it brought us closer.

Well, that went quick, I thought as we hung up. I studied the dress more closely. Yeah, I had to admit it was pretty; Long silk material in stark red, simplistic in design and elegant.

When I put it on, the dress hugged my curves loosely, making my ass and tits look just a little bit bigger. The neckline was too low for me to wear a bra, but I felt comfortable my girls wouldn't come out and say hi to the world. My left leg peeked out through the dress slit, making the elegant dress look sexy without overdoing it.

I curled my hair just enough to make it wavy and let it hang freely. After doing my makeup, I grabbed my red lipstick as a finishing touch.

Looking in the mirror, I didn't see a stranger, like one of those main characters in movies or books usually did. Instead, I just looked like me, but more refined. I liked that.

When the buzzer rang, my heart jumped in my chest. Even with all this preparation, I still didn't feel ready. But then again, maybe I never would be.

Sometimes, you just had to jump in headfirst rather than dip your big toe in the water.

Sometimes, you needed to live rather than stay alive.

That was what I was going to do now. I was done letting life go by, thinking I could catch up later. Later would always be later; I didn't want to realize that when I was too old to do anything about it.