My eyes were round as I stared at the list on my phone, albeit a small portion of it since I couldn't fit the whole email on the screen. Scrolling down, I read through it quickly before starting at the beginning so I could read it more carefully.

There were many things on that list, from different types of bondage and suspension and what material was okay to use to impact– whips, leather straps, and canes, among other things. I read about sexual activities; anal plugs, oral, forced masturbation...sensual play...humiliation...the list went on and on.

I mean, I knew it would be a lot, but damn, I just didn't think it would be that much. I would never admit this to anyone, but I felt like a kid at a candy store. Though it could be that I wouldn't get to experience everything I wanted, it all depended on what the guys wanted as well.

It felt surreal to have this list in my hand, especially when I've read so much about them in BDSM informational books. I'd always hoped I would one day have the guts to go after what I wanted, and now, I finally did. I was proud of myself for pushing out of my own comfort zone to experience something I could've only dreamed about before.

Though this was something I would privately be proud of myself for, it wasn't like I could ever talk to my parents about this. Hell no. They would never find out about this. I could only imagine their shocked faces if they ever found out, not just about the whole BDSM thing, but about the three men as well. It was safe to say they wouldn't be as proud of me as I was. Which parents would be, after finding out their daughter would be shared by multiple men? Yeah, it was better to keep that quiet.

At three, someone buzzed on my intercom– which I was surprised still worked when everything else with this building was discussable– and I answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Dr. Stevens. Mr. Cross sent me?" A feminine voice answered back.

"Yes, of course. Come on up. My apartment is three hundred and three."

My heart was pounding as I waited for her to arrive. Why the hell was I so nervous? I'd been to the doctor a few times, though I've tried to avoid it more often than not, given the enormous expenses. But this was the first time a doctor came home to me. That didn't really happen in my world; it felt...wrong, or at least, alien.

When she knocked on my door, my hands started shaking, just a little bit, but enough to betray my nerves.

Opening the door, I let her come into my humble abode. And humble it fucking was.

"Hi, again. I'm Dr. Stevens." She offered her hand, and I shook it, hoping she didn't notice that they were clammy.

"Hi, I'm Emma. I'm so sorry about this inconvenience," I started apologizing immediately. "I told Callan I could come to you instead but–"

"There are no worries at all, Emma. I'm well aware of how...demanding Mr. Cross can be," she smiled. She just looked so nice, like someone who should've been a psychiatrist because she had that certain face that made people want to trust her.

Her smile did much to calm me down.

"Let's...uh...let's take a seat." I looked around, only now realizing I had one chair available, and then there was my bed. This was getting awkward.

"Here, you can take the chair, and I'll just sit by the bed." Yup, this was awkward. "I'm sure you're not used to this," I swept my hand towards the small room containing everything but the bathroom.

"It's fine. I am quite used to it. Working with the wealthy gives me means to work pro-bono," she corrected me, but not unkindly.

"That's great. I mean, it's a great work that you do." How did I ever manage to not scare the guys away with my awful small talks?

"Thank you. So, should we begin?" She asked while I was still hovering over her, contemplating if I should've offered her anything to drink. I didn't know what the usual procedure was for having a doctor's appointment at your home. Either way, she saved me from having to speculate.

"Yes, of course."

Dr. Stevens dragged the wooden chair used as a desk chair closer to the bed before sitting down, and I followed suit. She opened the case she'd brought with her, revealing a few vials and notebooks, and took out one of the books.

"Mr. Cross told me you had already taken a test several months ago, and you haven't had any intercourse since then?"

Nodding, I confirmed, "That's correct."

"Have you performed oral sex with anyone since you've taken the test?"

"No."

"I see. We'll be taking a couple of tests today, just to be on the safe side." She then proceeded to take out several things. "First, we will take a blood test. Are you afraid of needles?"

"No, I'm not," I answered, though I never could watch while they poked me.

"Great, it will be over in only a second."

I was still in the tee shirt I'd loaned from Mateo, but I'd taken on a bra underneath.

She fastened a band around my upper left arm and tightened it. Next, she opened a small packet and took out a wet cloth, which I guessed was alcohol, when she swiped over my arm with it.

The sting when she pricked me wasn't bad, but the sight of blood filling a small vial was dizzying to watch.

After taking the blood test and a swab of the inside of my mouth, I had to take a urine sample. Did I mention I struggled with peeing when I knew anyone could hear me? Mom always joked I had performance anxiety. But in the end, I managed to get that done as well, with the water from the sink on full force.

"Mr. Cross also wanted me to talk to you about contraception. Are you on anything?"

I shouldn't be surprised that Callan was so thorough, but damn, he thought of every small detail. Though, I was glad he did.

"Yes, I have an implant. I got it two years ago." Even though I hadn't been sexually active for a fair amount of time, I always kept up with how long I've had it, so I knew when it was time to change it. I really didn't want to end up pregnant without being in a secure relationship, and of course, when money wasn't as tight. I could barely afford to live; how the hell could I afford a baby?

"Good. And you know when you have to get a new one?"

"I do," I nodded.

"Well, I think this is about it. I will let you know the results when they're done. It might take about a week, but no more than that."

"That's great. Thank you so much." I walked her to my door and gave her a warm smile as she exited. I could see why Callan had her as his doctor; she was both professional and easy to talk to, even if I sucked at small talks.

"Of course, hope you have a good day, Emma."

"You too."

Now that that was over, what the hell would I do with the rest of the day?

And still, with nothing to do, the day went. And then, the next morning went, followed by noon, until, finally, I got ready for my evening with Kevin.

I had too much to talk to him about; I was bursting with excitement. Not just because of what was happening with me, but who the hell had managed to catch the attention of my ever so elusive friend?