It came to me in a dream. A dagger, with roses crawling up the hilt. Red, like his eyes. I just have to have it made. It's custom after all. I stand in front of the blacksmith's shop.

"It's like this," I smile, handing him the design. "This part is really important," I tap the design.

"It'll take me two weeks," The blacksmith gruffs. I nod, paying half up front.

The war runs rampant. Nothing but women and children now, barely them. I try not to notice.

"A festival!" Someone called. "A festive to Orion."

I freeze. It isn't voluntary. I have to move I have to go—

"Come, come, there is a festival! Perhaps we may be blessed and this dreadful war will cease," I'm being pushed and pulled toward a looming temple.

I pull away. "I can't. I'm sorry, I must return home,"

"We need as many prayers as we can get, come!"

I pull harder, separating myself. "No. I can't."

I run the other way. All I can hear is Slade in my ears. Never set foot in his temple. Never say his name. Run.

The streets are now flooded with women and children herding toward the temple to offer their prayers. I fight through them.

I squeeze my eyes shut.

I must get home. I must get home now! I can't be in front of that place I can't see that name I have to be home this instant —

"Uh...where did you come from?" Slade whispered. "Did you just poof here? Was this your first poof?"

I look around. "It was a...festival for him, I was trying to get away...so many people on the streets, I was trying to...get home." I pant.

He picks me up, hugging me tightly. "Ah...you have powers down. I didn't think they'd kick in so soon."

Slade picks me up swirling me around. The kids, come into the room cheering and laughing, congratulating me.

I try to smile. But I keep thinking of what I did to have this. I look down at my hands, seeing them covered with red.

I stand. "Excuse me," I rush to the bathroom, washing the blood away.

I'm happy. This is what I wanted. A family. A husband who loves me. This is everything I've ever wanted and damn it I have to be happy about it.

I keep scrubbing but the blood doesn't come off.

Be happy Monika.

And why did he have to say that? What did he have to wedge that into my brain?!

People are dying right now. Because of me. Because of this single shred of happiness, I can't even bear to enjoy.

My eyes stubbornly fill with tears as I keep scrubbing. It won't leave.

I can't leave.

I'll never...be clean again. These hands can never be clean of this bloodshed again.

Happy?

Why did I think I could be happy at the expense of everyone else's? I'm so unlucky. I betray myself for a happiness I've always wanted just to not enjoy it.

What was the point?

He says it's not my fault. That it was him but I know that's a lie. I know that's a lie.

He stared at me in the mirror, glancing down at my hands.

"Turn the water off Monika."

I stop, shaking my hands. "I can't...I can't, Slade."

His eyes are dull as they stay fixated on my hands. "You can't what?"

"Purge it. Get rid of this shame. This hatred. I...I can't be happy. I keep trying. I almost am and then...I remember."

Slade leans his head back. "Do you see them?"

I glance back at the kids. They aren't. They're adults, stunted. Obviously stunted but adult nonetheless.

"They laugh. They cry. They're human. They've taken more lives with their bare hands than you have," he settles his hands on my waist.

"But they go on. Because that is their tribute to the lives they've taken. You say you've done this to be happy?"

I nod slowly.

"Then you must become happy. You owe it." He lists my chin, forcing me to look at myself.

What have I done? I overestimated what I could live with.

"Let me make you happy. Don't hold back your laughter. Don't avoid your happy ending. Or else, these deaths are in vain."

His grip around my jaw tightens, kissing my temple tenderly.

"So smile, my goddess. And remember, you are a bride of war. It is your duty in this universe, as it is mine."