《First one》Ninety-Five: fucking waste of time

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My heart was beating out of my chest and I couldn't control my nerves. I waited in the car for Bella while she was inside the police station. I went with her at first but couldn't go in with her while she filed the report. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I could have dealt with hearing all the details of her abuse either. I also wasn't feeling like waiting inside because I was getting enough judging looks, as if I am the one who did something to her. Disgusting. People judge but they don't even think twice about how those judging looks make someone feel. Fucking uncomfortable and now I'm nervous too because she'll think I abandoned her.

The sky was turning grey as my heartbeat quickened and soon it was going to rain, or even storm because those definitely looked like thunderclouds. I was right, even before Bella got out, the sky started pouring raindrops into the hood of my car, my windshield completely engulfed with falling raindrops, like I parked underneath a waterfall. Soon, thunder made the sky dark and ominous with loud roars pealing through the streets. Come on baby, what's taking so long. The loud bangs of the storm passing made the wait even more dreadful than it already was.

I tried to look out of my side window, focusing on a small jewelry on the other side of the road, it's window shining bright underneath the dark sky while I was lost in thought, the future in my head just as bright as that window. "Shit you scared the hell out of me!" I shrieked loud while the passenger door swung open and Bella flopped down in her seat, her hair and jacket soaked, her eyes bright red.

"Are you happy now!" She scoffed taking out an envelope from her bag before throwing it on the dashboard.

"Baby..." I looked at her completely in shock, my mouth parting as I wanted to say something but couldn't.

"That's proof I filed a complaint and asked for a restraining order, not that it's going to help anything." She nodded towards the envelope, her words cutting through the air with a bitter tone.

I still couldn't bring a words pas my lips while my gaze fell on her, my hand reaching out the push the wet strands away from her face, but she quickly held up her hand to push mine away. The hurt her rejection caused made my chest feel tight and the lump in my throat even worse. "What are you mad at me for?" I asked putting my eyebrows in a sad frown, my voice breaking with confusion.

"Nothing." She said, taking of her soaked jacket. Even her movements were filled with anger as she forcefully threw her jacket into the backseat. It's obviously not nothing ... "Nothing Lukas!" Bells scoffed as she fell back into her seat, crossing her arms with brewing frustration. "This was a fucking waste of time!" She shrugged her shoulders.

"What do you mean." I asked her carefully, while trying to touch her once more, hoping she would let me because I almost couldn't handle the way she pushed away my hand. I put my hand on her thigh to get her attention, the get something from her other that a hiss. She shook her thigh to get rid of my hand, but I didn't give in and held on, much to her annoyance. "Don't push me away, baby."

She immediately scoffed at my words. "Maybe you should push a little less!" She ripped her thigh away from my hand and faced her back towards me, her gaze directed out of the window without saying another word.

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What the fuck do I do now? I clenched my jaw trying to hold back the hurt from spilling with my tongue. Maybe just don't say anything for a while, let her be. I clenched my hand around the steering wheel for a second, trying to get rid of my own frustration. There was not much I could do, she would just push me away more, so I made the engine purr and took off. Where to? I'm so skipping my next class now... While the thunder kept roaring through the sky and the wipes wiped away the rain from my windshield I looked to my side. She was well off into her own thoughts, as tears rolled down her cheeks. I have seen her cry so many times lately while all she deserves is an uncomplicated smile on her face. This needs to stop, I want her to be happy.

After a ten-minute drive we arrived at the lookout spot she took me the other time. You could see the entire city being swallowed my thunderclouds and cold rain. Even in its darkest ways this view was beautiful, and it somehow reminded me of Bells. She could be swallowed by her own darkness but still be amazing, even in her darkest moments. I'm not just going to give up on her. I stopped the engine but left the contact on so the wipes would clear the view. "Bells talk to me, please." I whispered carefully, the tension building like the thunder in the sky. I kept my hands to myself this time, unsure if I could take another rejection.

She nervously shifted in her seat; her arms still firmly crossed in front of her chest. She shook her head while her eyes shifted to the view in front of her. She sighed deeply and I knew that meant she was going to speak up. "You should have never pushed me to go to the police. You just shouldn't have!" She raised her voice through the car, anger clearly laced trough her voice.

I didn't understand why she was mad at me. I didn't push her, I told her what to do, what I thought was the right thing to do! "But I was only-"

"What? Trying to help?" She shrugged her shoulders with a scoff leaving her throat, her head shifting towards me and the look in her eyes was anything but loving.

"Yes!" I desperately raised my voice to meet hers as I hold up my hands in defense.

She shook her head, another tear rolling from her eyes and I wanted nothing more than to wipe it away with my thumb, to touch her face, to feel the warmth of her cheek against my skin. "Did you really think that was going to help? Bringing up all those memories, did you really think that was a good idea? And all for nothing?" She wiped her face with both hands, hurt and anger going hand in hand as I watched her movements.

I helplessly watched her break down. Everything I do to help backfires and gets thrown back into my face. I thought the police could and would help her, this isn't making any sense. "Baby, what happened in there?" I looked at her with a frowned face. "Just tell me because at this point, I don't know what to do or say." I threw my hands in the air while sinking down into my seat, staring into the ominous view.

"I had to tell them everything that happened, everything! All those memories, bringing them all up when I finally decided to leave them behind. Did you have any clue what that was going to do to me, huh?" She scoffed at me and it instantly made me feel guilty, like I misjudged the entire situation, as if I didn't think it trough and only thought about myself, but what choice did I have! "I sat there, telling them memory after memory and then they started asking questions. Why am I only reporting it now, why didn't I speak up at high school to one of the teachers, why if things were so bad did I put up with it for so long, why this why that as if there's an explanation! They even tried to minimalize what they did. Are you sure you didn't start it or do something? Could it just have been disciplinary, and you took it as abuse." She spoke, her tone filled with digust and my heart sank to my shoes. "Lukas they didn't even fucking believe me half of the time!" She yelled, trying to get rid of all that build up frustration. Right now, she was a thundercloud needing to get rid of the pressure. I heard what she said but I didn't understand, how could they not take her seriously, how could they not give a victim the benefit of the doubt until proven differently. I was completely speechless while my thoughts were raging. I didn't even notice I was holding on to the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles were already turning white. "You know what's even worse... one of them even brought up the complaint I filed against Drew for assaulting me."

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"What?" That was the drop that made me raise my voice. "Why?" My anger filled voice roared through the car.

"Seems like trouble follows you around Dear." She imitated the voice of what I supposed was a police officer. "Are you sure you don't tend to exaggerate some events? Because if you are doing this as a cry for attention you could safe us a lot of trouble. If these people haven't done anything wrong than that's some serious alligations. Maybe you want to reconsider your statement." She cried, breaking down at her own words, her hurt contagious as I felt my heart break.

"What! No fucking way!" I gritted trough my teeth as I desperately wanted to punch something.

"So, you say I'm lying too!" She blankly yelled at me with tears in her eyes, her voice breaking my heart even more.

"No, no Baby you know I believe you. Hell, I saw it with my own eyes what he did to you. No, I can't fucking believe them!" I scoffed through the air, anger taking over all my senses. That's why they didn't want me to get in with her, so they could break her and put the fault on her! I need to get out of this fucking car.

Without saying another word, I got out of the car and ran into the rain, leaving her even though she was crying. I was raging and I no longer had control. This, all of this had been weighing on me more than I thought, and it was now coming to the surface, fast and dangerous. The cold rain that fell on top of me, soaking my clothes felt soothing, but not enough to quench the flames raging trough my body.

I looked down at my feet as they stood on the edge of a puddle, raindrops splashing in it like art. I chuckled when I saw a rock next to my left foot and something told me to pick it up. The rock felt heavy and wet in my hands and with everything I had I threw it into the line of trees below the lookout. It flew far, and with it flew away a bit of anger. I watched the rock disappear into the trees like I was in a trance but a loud struck of lightening instantly brought me back as it hit one of the trees, sparks lighting up the view.

"Lukas, what are you doing?" I heard Bells yell after the sound of the door shutting. "Lukas." Her finger intertwined with mine.

"I don't know... It feels good throwing rocks." I huffed at my own words while my gaze met the worried look on her face, her eyes greener than ever as they were surrounded by different shades if hurt.

Like a snake she curled her arms around mine, resting her head against it as she looked away into the view. "I'm sorry." She said so carefully I almost didn't hear her, but I did and what it did to me to hear her voice crack is impossible to describe. How could they not take her seriously? Her out of all people, she's the sincerest person out here and she deserves the world. Not a bunch of thoughtless men in uniforms doubting her words, making what she's been through even worse. What the fuck, sometimes I just don't get the systems in this country! "I'm sorry for taking it out on you. You don't deserve that!" She let go of my arm, her fingers sliding away from mine, but only to put them around my waist as she snuggled into my soaked sweater.

"It's okay." I whispered into her hair while my hand went to the back of her head, my other hand pushing away the wet strands of hair from my face.

"No, it's not. It's not your fault. You and Mia are only trying to help me, and I keep hurting both of you." She looked down, her forehead planted into my chest while my hand at the back in her head went up through her hair.

"That's what you think Baby, but it's far from the truth." I whispered into her hair while the rain kept pouring down on us, surrounded by the darkness in the sky. "If I hadn't met you who knows what I would have become...I was still grieving over Logan and so caught up in my guilt that I couldn't be myself, because I didn't know who that was. This is me Bells, when I'm with you that's when I can be myself. I finally am starting to like myself and who I have become and it's all because of you." I said while my hands cupped her face and guided her gaze towards mine.

She looked up as the raindrops mixed with her tears. "I can't possibly be the reason." She pushed out, the hurt laced trough her voice.

"Stop thinking you're not that special." I said brushing my nose over hers to grasp her attention. "You are to me. You're fucking special. Everything about you is fucking special." I fiercely spelled out the truth against her lips.

"Do you really think so?" She pulled her eyebrows up like it was hard to believe even though I told her a thousand times in different ways.

I held her head between my hands, so she had no way to get away from my gaze. "Bells look at me. You deserve all the happiness in the world and from this day on you're going to get it. We are going to get our happy ending." I promised her and I meant every word of it, needing it to be true for her and for myself.

She smiled, not all, but some of her hurt disappearing with it, and for now that was enough. "I want that more than anything." My girl whispered against my lips. It felt as if I could already taste her through the rain streaming down my face.

"You're going to get it, all of it." I smiled before I pressed my lips against hers, their softness and want, pulling me into a bliss. Out of nothing lighting struck again, even closer this time, our lips instantly disconnecting to gather ourselves, both our heartrates beating like crazy.

"We might want to get in the car now." She laughed after the distraught look on her face disappeared, the contrast of her sweet laugh against the cold and electric air was something to never forget.

"Good idea." I laughed before pulling her face closer to mine once more to kiss her wet lips. Before I could pull away, she pulled me into a deeper kiss, her tongue playfully grazing my bottom lip. I hummed against her mouth while she draped her arms around my neck.

My wet hair kept dripping onto her face and her wet strands felt cold in my hands, nothing compared to the heat forming inside my body. As soon as she pushed her tongue past my lips with want, I couldn't help myself and my hand reached underneath her legs to pull her up, carrying her towards my car.

I silently heard her giggle against my lips before she deepened our kiss, sending me all the rights signs when she took my bottom lip between her teeth. "Backseat." She whispered huskily the moment she let go of my lip. The sound of her voice alone combined with the position she was in, her legs wrapped around me, rubbing in the right places, was enough to make me hard.

I pulled back from her lips to meet the mischievous look on her face. This girl turns me on so fucking much and she doesn't even have to try. I shook my head with an evident grin pasted on my lips. "Backseat?" I pulled up my eyebrows while my hand reached for the door, opening it to of course the backseat, I wasn't going to say no to the Misses.

I laid her down on my leather seats before closing the door behind me and crawling between her legs, my hardness already bulging in my pants. She didn't have to say anything, the want in her eyes spilled it all as I saw the flickering in her eyes. Even under a dark sky her eyes could shine bright like the sun. She didn't waste a second and pulled me back to her lips by grabbing the collar of my sweater in her tiny hands. "Mmhh." She purred, bucking her hips against my bulge before wrapping her legs around me. She grabbed my face between her hands, letting go of my sweater. She looked at me and I already knew what she was going to say next. "I love you Lukas." She whispered without a single doubt. Her words and more so the look in her eyes filled my hearth with tenderness and all I wanted was for her to say it every day for the rest of my fucking life.

"I love you too, Snowflake." I smiled, leaning back in to kiss her lips. Her words encouraged me to kiss her deeper than before, my tongue claiming hers while her hands were already eager to get underneath my clothes. Her legs pulled me in closer between her legs and all I could think about was to feel her around me and show her how much I loved her.

Her hands went underneath my sweater, pulling at the hem and before I knew it, I sat up, taking the wet and heavy fabric over my head to throw it on the floor next to us. I felt her eyes scan my damp skin until they fell on the button of my jeans, her tiny hands already going for the button. She wasn't wasting time, she wanted me now and she wanted me raw, her chest moving up and down with longing.

One of my hands went underneath the small of her back, lifting her up ever so slightly as my other hand slid away her jacket from underneath her. I want her to be comfortable. It also caused her to be pressed against my hardness and that only made her more desperate to get my pants off. Her fingers were ferociously attacking the buttons of my jeans one by one. With the pink blush on her cheeks and her soaked hair, she looked like she just came out of the shower. The way her wet clothes clung to her tiny body made me want her even more, I would even say I felt out of breath just by looking down at her. She was wearing one of her bralettes, I suppose they're comfortable but also so fucking dangerous as her stiff nipples didn't stand a chance against the wet fabric surrounding her. "What?" She grinned stopping the intervention on my pants.

I leaned down on my underarms on either side of her, gently pressing myself into her frame and breasts. My lips traveled to the crook of her neck, sucking on her damp skin while she hummed at my touch. "You're hot Baby, so fucking hot." I whispered against her skin while my lips traveled up to her jaw, planting another kiss. "So fuckable." At the word, her hand went through my wet hair, pulling at my roots to guid me towards her lips. She had me right where she wanted me, humming into her mouth.

One of my hands found a way underneath her wet sweater, caressing one of her nipples trough the lace of her bralette. "What are you waiting for Luke?" She gasped, nearly throwing her head back with pleasure. "Fuck me." I chuckled against her lips when dirty talk was something I admired her for. She looked so innocent but when she wanted to be fucked, she wasn't too shy to let me know.

The back of my finger teased her nipple one more time, making her arche her back into me. "Please, say that again." I begged her, not minding she had me completely wrapped around her finger.

She held my chin with one hand while the other tugged on my roots, holding me in place, totally digging how rough she was being with me. "Lukas." She looked up at me through her eyelashes before pulling my ear to her lips. "Fuck me." She whispered huskily, knowing what it would do to me. I groaned before pulling away from her so I could get these freaking pants off.

She laid back, waiting for me to get them off but the thing about soaked jeans is that it's not that fucking easy to get off. She giggled as she watched me struggle. "Don't laugh, your pants are next." I looked down at her when I was finally able to push them off my ankles, not waiting to unzip her jeans, revealing her lacy thong. I struggled to pull them down her legs, trying to be gentle but once they were off, I couldn't wait any longer.

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