I made my way down the stairs, my vision blurry as tears were about to spill form them. Suddenly a hand snaked around my upper arm bringing me to a stop in the middle of the stairs. "I have been looking for you. I need to tell you somethi-"

"Not now Zach!" I pulled my arm from his violently, hearing him say my name as I made my way down the stairs. My heart was pounding, and I was pretty sure I was on the brink of having a panic attack. Why didn't he believe me! He didn't have to be so mean, he just doesn't love me the way I thought, if he could hurt me intentionally like this.

Tears were now streaming down my face as I finally made it into the garden. The fresh air hitting me in the face made me fall out into a sob as the cold felt like it was all I deserved. I didn't do anything wrong did I? I rubbed my arms trying to rub the goosebumps away, tears streaming down my face as I was crying in the garden by myself. I couldn't go back inside, not until I got myself together.

I looked up at the window and saw Lukas standing in one. His eyes were pinned on me but as soon as he saw me I saw him scoff before taking another sip from the bottle. It ripped my heart out seeing this aversion filled reaction. It didn't even seem to bother him that I was crying, that he intentionally hurt me to the point I broke, again.

Thinking about out Lukas only made me breath faster, which pushed me deeper into a panic attack and the tightening feeling around my chest made me dizzy. I need to sit down. Breath. He's just drunk, he'll apologize later, and you'll be okay. Fucking breath Bella! Nobody's here to hand you a stupid paper bag this time! He's watching me have a panic attack and he's not even bothered!

My hand was looking for the edge of one of the garden chairs as my vision went dark. I managed to sit down eventually, my hands on my knees to support myself. I felt like I was going to throw up, my emotions mixed with beer and heartbreak getting the better of me. When I felt the surge of ominous feelings rush up my throat accompanied with the pain Lukas's hateful words caused, it all became too much for me. I sat forward spilling the contents of my gut into the grass between my feet. More than once. I coughed and sobbed at the same time. Heartache could really make you physically ill. I want to go home and sleep this off, together. I cried into the darkness as I tried to calm myself down.

"Bella, are you okay?" A warm hand comforted me at the back of my neck. I eased into the support it offered until alarms started to go off in my brain. I recognize that voice, I'd never forget. I looked up and it confirmed what I feared for. Drew.

"Don't touch me!" I pulled away as the sight of his face so close to mine startled me more than I thought it would. I was alone with him in the garden and I was preparing myself for something bad to go down.

I stumbled forward off my chair almost falling into my own vomit. "Okay okay!" His face went soft as he held his hands up in defense, as if he was the one who needed to be scared. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay." The look in his eyes changed to genuine worry and it only confused me more. "I'm not going to hurt you. I swear!" I couldn't place the soft look on his face when he offered me a hand to pull me up from the grass. His eyes nearly begged me to take it but I didn't as I dismissed his hand, getting up by myself. While I brushed the grass of my jeans his hand fell to the side of his body, his face hurt.

"Why should I trust you?" I barked at him, my panic attack gone as the hurt Lukas caused was replaced by something else. Resentment, but no fear. I wasn't scared of Drew as he stood in front I me, more broken than I was, if that was even possible.

He pushed his hand through his dark hair while his warm eyes scouted for some sort of friendly expression on my face. He couldn't find one. He was wearing jeans and a College branded black sweater. He just tried to blend in, nothing about him screamed predator. "I don't deserve your trust, not after what I did to you. I know that." His face fell, diverting it to his feet.

"Good thing you realize!" I instantly snapped at his words, anger of all sorts boiling inside me, mostly hurt.

He came a step closer, trying to get me to listen but I mirrored his action, equally taking a step back. "Just hear me out please." His voice without a doubt begged me.

I shook my head, remembering all the hurt he had caused me and most of all Lukas when he beat him to pulp. "I don't owe you Drew!" I barked once more.

He pulled up his brows, now his whole face was begging me, his caramel brown eyes pleading for me to listen to him. "I know, please. What I did was unforgivable, something I will never forget."

"Neither will I, what do you think is worse." I snapped at him, almost not letting him finish.

Drew groaned, rubbing his face as he nervously paced in front of me. "I'm not saying I'm the victim here, not at all." He pulled his hands from his face, looking desperate, his eyes on the brink of tears. "Please, I just need you to know what was going through my head. I need you to know that wasn't me. Please." He stood in front of me as he placed his hands on my shoulders, his touch soft yet uncomfortable. This is nonsense!

I tried to shrug my shoulders, but he held me steady. "What makes you think I want to hear your meaningless excuses." I pulled my brows up at him with bitterness in my voice...

He looked away and sighed deeply before returning his eyes back to me. They were filled with hurt. "I'm bipolar." He sighed softly and I felt my mouth part, not expecting this. I was even questioning if I had heard him right.

"What?" I barely said. I was lucky his hands on my shoulders were keeping me on my legs as even felt sorry for him, for Drew out of all people.

He continued, his regretful expression keeping me captured. "I was having a manic episode; I didn't know what I was doing. Well, I knew but I didn't see it was wrong. Just let me explain." He tried to give me an explanation, but I still wasn't sure if I wanted to hear it. An explanation like this would make me forgive him and I wasn't sure if I could. Or it would make me feel guilty for not forgiving him, which felt even worse.

"I don't know Drew." I spoke softly, shaking my head while my face told him exactly how confused I was.

"Please, just two minutes and after that I'll leave you alone. You don't ever have to see me again." If that was true, two minutes didn't sound so bad.

"Two minutes." Was all I managed to push past my lips.

He softly smiled at me before he started to explain. His thumb rubbed my shoulder before letting go. "I was doing well when I first met you. I was on the right meds, taking them regularly. Bella, when I met you, you made me feel something. I was falling in love with you fast and it made me happy, really happy. I was dumb enough to think that now I was happy I didn't need my meds anymore, so I stopped taking them. They didn't numb out my feelings as much and I felt more alive. What I didn't realize at the time, but I can see it now, is that I became obsessed. With you. I'm so sorry for what I did to you that night. I didn't see the signs. I was not in my right mind and once I get off my meds, I feel so good it's hard to go back to them. It's a vicious spiral and I went out of control." He said but I just stared at him, trying to take it all in. "I'm sorry! I made bad decisions, getting the tattoo, coming after Lukas... The day after you came to this house to confront me for it, I got called to the police station and that's when I called my parents. I needed help and they put me into therapy until now. I'm on my meds again and I feel so terrible for what I did. I don't expect you to forgive me, not at all. I just needed you to know, to know that it wasn't your fault. You didn't lead me on, you didn't do anything to cause it. I was just seeing signs that weren't there and missing the ones that were. I'm sorry." He finished and he sighed with relief as he looked up into the sky. He returned his eyes back to me and I instantly felt sorry for him. I must be awful to lose control like that and not be able to see something's wrong. He gave me a soft and apologetic smile as he waited for me to say something.

I knew he wanted to hear that I forgave him or understood even though he said he didn't need my forgiveness, but I wasn't sure if I could. "Drew, I'm sorry for you. I know forgiveness is what you want even though you say the opposite. If I were in your shoes, I'd want it too. But I need time to th-"

"Get the fuck away from her!" Lukas's voice interrupted the both of us, tearing Drew's eyes away from me to an angry looking Lukas coming at us. He stormed past me and went straight for Drew pushing him back until he fell on the grass. Lukas took all his anger out on him as he started pounding on Drew's face. No no no Lukas!

Drew didn't even defend himself as he let Lukas hit him over and over again. I need to stop him! "Lukas stop!" I tried to grab his arm, to pull him off Drew. He's going to regret this if he continues, this will ruin his entire future. "Stop!" I yelled trying to pull him off once more, his rage making him ten times stronger. He pushed me back forcefully until I flew back and fell, my hip colliding with knee-high brick wall that surrounded a flower bed until I screamed out in pain.

"Shit!" Zach said worried as he rushed towards me. He must have followed Lukas outside. He wanted to tell me something, maybe that he saw Drew. Damn it. I should have listened. "Fuck, are you okay?" He said, sitting in the muddy grass besides me while my face was pulled into different grimaces caused by a sharp pain in my hip and thigh.

Lukas didn't even flinch when he heard me scream. "Don't worry about me! Get Lukas off him! He's gonna go to jail if he continues." I screamed, and Zach's face turned into pure horror as he rushed over to Lukas, grabbing his back and pulling him off Drew with all the effort in the world. I flinched when I tried to get up, my thigh still hurting. The noise and tumult caused a couple of guys from the football team to come outside to break up the fight, them rushing to Drew as Zach was holding Lukas back. He lashed out once more and Zach had to pull him onto the ground to hold him into something that looked like a headlock.

"Lukas stop, he wasn't doing anything wrong!" I yelled to Drew's defense. He probably thought he was intimidating me, bothering me. He must have seen it from the window. I could see why he was worried and how it looked.

"What the fuck Bella! Are you really sticking your head out for him!" Lukas yelled at me even though he couldn't see me, Zach was holding him away from him and I wasn't ready to get up yet. "Then what the fuck was he doing?" Lukas gritted trough his teeth as he was still trying to wrestle out of Zach's arms. I knew Zach would only let go of him when Drew was inside, away from Lukas's outburst.

"Apologizing." I said, while I saw Lukas's bloody hands trying to pull away Zach's arms.

"Are you fucking kidding me! Are you saying you forgave him!" Lukas yelled with pure anger and disgust in his voice, so much it even gave me chills. How could he think I would just forgive him after everything.

"No, no! of course not! He wanted to talk at the café, I should have let him then this wouldn't have happened." I spilled the only truth; It was out at the worst possible time and he was going to hate me for it.

"What!" Lukas yelled, still not calming down, only getting more agitated to the point he was going to explode again. "You knew he was back? And you didn't tell me! You fucking saw him at the café and didn't fucking tell me! You knew didn't you!" Lukas was yelling at Zach now, who looked exhausted from keeping Lukas on the ground with him. I tried to get up again but still felt a sharp pain the moment I did. I swallowed hard, trying to swallow away the pain but I couldn't. It was so painful tears were burning in my eyes.

"I made sure he stayed away from her. She didn't want to worry you Lukas, she was looking out for you, don't take it personally!" Zach groaned as he held tight, Drew was still being carried away by two guys and I wanted him to be calm before Zach would let go, afraid of what might happen. Lukas's anger was scaring me at the moment, for the first time ever.

"Don't take it personally you say! Get off me fucking coffee bean!" Lukas tried to shake out of Zach's hold once more, this time overpowering Zach and breaking himself free. He stood up facing me, his eyes fuming, his bloody hands grasping my attention. "Bells you fucking confided in him. And didn't fucking think twice to tell me! That I would care to know! What the fuck!" He yelled not even asking himself why I was sitting in the dirt with tears in my eyes. That might have even hurt more than my leg itself. This was getting too much and I wanted tonight to be over as soon as possible. I wanted to go home, if I still had one.

"She wanted you to focus on school Lukas! Don't blame her!" Zach came in-between as he got up, brushing the grass from his jacket.

"This is none of your fucking business Zach." Lukas pushed him at his chest, still needing to vent his anger. "Don't fucking tell me what to do! Of course I fucking blame her! She lied to me!" He wasn't looking at me and the hurt and pain got too much for me, so I closed myself off, crying into my hands while they stained my face with dirt. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to fight anymore.

"Stop it!" I heard Zach's voice in the background, far away from my bubble. "She did it with her heart in the right place! Don't be so fucking hard on her! Can't you see she loves you and would do anything for you! Lukas, you hurt her and you clearly don't even care!" Zach's voice sounded a little closer now.

"What do you mean I hurt her?" Lukas's voice cracked with disbelief. "First, she's all over you, next she's defending the guy who almost raped her. She's hurting me with all her lies!" He growled, clearly still angry with me. I can't stand that he's upset, that I hurt him.

"She wasn't all over me for one!" Zach sprung to my defense. "Two, she was preventing your angry ass from going to jail and lastly you fucking hurt her by pushing her against the brick flowerbed or do you think she's sitting in the mud because she likes to. She can't even get up, you idiot!" There was a bitter and fuming tone to his voice that made me look up from my hands, watching both Lukas and Zach standing in front of me. Both of them fighting for my gaze.

My eyes instantly went to Lukas and he swallowed when it hit him that he really had hurt me physically, even if he hadn't noticed in his outburst of rage. His eyes suddenly changed from loathing to filled with hurt and regret. He took a deep breath as his eyes held onto mine. "I'm gonna go home!" He whispered between us as his face was aimed to the grass now. "Alone!" He exhaled while putting his hands in his pockets and walking away from me. Zach snapped his head at Lukas with an angry glare.

I whimpered at the way he just turned his back at me like that. Zach noticed as he rushed over to me. He put his hand around my waist, finally someone helping me out of the muddy grass. "What about me? AAH!" I yelled after Lukas before wincing in pain. "How do I get home?" My voice sounded fainter this time, disappointed, hurt, lost.

Lukas stopped in his tracks and looked back over his shoulder. "I don't care Bells, call an uber or something." He shrugged his shoulders as he watched Zach struggling to get me on my feet.

"Jerk." Zach huffed under his breath, his arm around me waist to support me. "Lukas! You can't just leave her here!" Zach yelled, his expression angry and disappointed at the same time.

"Watch me!" He sneered at us with disgust laced in his voice once more as he disappeared from the garden. I fell apart again. My legs gave out, my thigh the least of my problems as I sunk back into the muddy grass, afraid to have lost everything.

Zach slumped into the dirt with me while I cried, his warm embrace nearly not comforting enough this time. "Shh, it'll be okay." He whispered into my hair while I lost myself in my sobs. "He just needs to sleep it off." He said, pulling me even tighter into his chest. If felt hem close his jacket around me, trying to keep me warm. I must have been freezing in my little top. I didn't even feel the cold as everything went numb at once.

"He doesn't love me." My cries were muffled by his jacket forming a bubble around me and my own voice bouncing back to me made my chest hurt so much it felt like it was caving in, the entire world around me crumbling.

"If he didn't, he wouldn't have reacted the way he did. He's is crazy about you. Trust me." Zach whispered into the top of my head before scooping me up like a weighed nothing. He picked me up, putting my feet into the grass. "Does your leg still hurt?" He whispered as he still held me into the warmth of his jacket.

"I don't feel anything right now." I sobbed into my cold hands. "If he loves me then why is he acting like this. He just left me here, I have no way to get home and he just walked away, as if I mean nothing to him." I sobbed. I was so happy the past few days I thought crying didn't exist anymore in my world. Guess I was wrong.

"He's drunk, talk about it with him when he's sober. He's going to regret a lot of things he has said. Come on...the two of you belong together..." He said as if it was true and the thought of it only made me want to cry more. "I'll give you a ride home okay?" He softly placed his hand into the back of my head to pull my me out of the warm cocoon he had created.

"I'm scared to go home." I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks as I looked up at him, his face suddenly overcome with hurt when he gently cupped my face between his hands.

"I don't like to see you this unhappy." Zach frowned his brows before the softness in his expression returned. "Do you want to wait a little, give him some time to think?" He whispered while his thumbs tried to wipe away the stains on my cheeks.

"Maybe, I don't know. If I show up now, he might not let me in, but I also can't go back inside looking like this, I don't feel like partying right now..."

Zach briefly smiled before letting go of my face "Come on." He spoke softly before grabbing my hand. I followed him inside, limping, as he supported me through the crowd and upstairs until we found ourselves in a room, his, I'm guessing by the lack of football posters. "You can hide here until you're ready to go home." I nodded, sadness washing over me as I didn't feel like I deserved anybody's kindness.

All I wanted to do was lay down and cry and that's what I did. Seeking comfort in the softness of a bed, curling up into a ball trying to make sense of everything that happened tonight. I can't lose him; I'll lose the only part of me that's happy.

I felt myself shiver, hugging myself as I was starting to feel how cold I really was. Zach didn't say anything when he put his warm jacket over my curled-up body, and I snuggled into its warmth. He took a seat on the floor, his back resting against the side of the bed.