Today's shift was busy, which was good. Taking orders, making coffees. It took my head off things a little and Zach's attempts to cheer me up where definitely working.

We were watching the people sitting at the tables, telling each other what goes through their mind. The things he came up with half of the time, were so hilarious I had to keep myself from laughing through the entire café. Pretty sure that would have made everyone think I'm emotionally unstable, oh wait I probably am.

"See that guy over there?" Zach nodded towards a tall guy with glasses sitting at the window table while I was cleaning one of the machines.

I looked up observing him. He was tall, handsome too. Blonde hair, strong jaw and a brain because he was probably studying law, who else reads those thick codex books for fun. "What about him?" I smirk at Zach wondering what he's going to come up with this time.

His smirk grew. "He is not studying at all." He leaned in closer so I would hear his whisper. I frowned my brows at his statement as it surely looked like he was. "He looks up at the girl over there every ten seconds." He put his finger on the counter to point at a brunette sitting a couple of tables away from the law guy.

"No way." I shook my head when I looked back at the guy.

"Come on, look at him." He whispered again, leaning in once more. My eyes went to the guy again watching his eyes and indeed after staring at his book for a minute he looked up, watching the girl sip her coffee. I watched him do it three times before I took Zach's word upon it. "He probably likes her. Or he's her crazy stalker ex." Zach laughed and that made me chuckle.

"Zach, you're such a gossip hooker." I nudged his shoulder, but I knew he was only trying to take my mind of other things.

"Hey now." He held his hands up in defense. "I like to observe people... It's all you can do when it's not busy, it has grown on me." He laughed, leaning against the counter while he adjusted the cap on his head, taking it off to push a hand through his hair.

"So, did you ever have a crazy stalker ex?" I asked him, curious now that he had brought up the subject. His whole face scrunched when I did. "Come on don't be shy now." I teased, nudging his shoulder once more.

"Aah well..." He hesitated and I could see him think about his answer a little too much. "I haven't... I have never really dated someone." He carefully looked up at me through his eyelashes, as if he was embarrassed about it. My jaw nearly collapsed onto the floor at that. How could he not, he would be the perfect boyfriend. He's handsome, he's kind and funny... How couldn't he have had girls lying by his feet through high school and even now. My eyes were all question marks. "Don't look at me like you're so surprised." He frowned his brows as he pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

I scraped my throat to gather my thoughts. "Well, I am actually...How is that possible?" I frowned. "Are you secretly an asshole or something? Either that or your game just sucks." I was still frowning my brows at him.

"I have had a couple of drunk and sober hookups, but nothing really more." He plainly said, looking at his Vans.

"You have never liked a girl? Like liked her enough to want her to be your girlfriend?" I asked, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"The ones I really like are just not interested." He whispered under his breath as he looked up at me. He's talking about you Isabella; don't be naive. His words made me look away, feeling bad that he was probably referring to me. Why did it make me uncomfortable to know I was that girl, that girl that could make him happy but was unavailable? It made me feel like a bitch even though there was nothing I could do about it.

I leaned into his shoulder. "I'm sure you'll find someone Zach. She'll be lucky to be with someone like you." I tried to comfort him, maybe also to make me feel a little less guilty. I looked up at him as he gave me half a smile.

"So that guy there... Likes her or crazy stalker ex?" He smiled nodding towards the guy he was talking about before the conversation went weird.

"I hope he's not a crazy ex or we're enabling his ways to stalk her. Plus feeding him caffeine to keep him going on top of it." I widened my eyes at him.

"Oh shit, that makes us accomplices." He let his mouth fall open in a dramatic way.

"No shit. You own the place; all the blame is on you. I don't know you, I just work here." I joked and it made him laugh out loud, grabbing the attention of the guy we were talking about. Both of us bursting out in laughter as a result.

Another wave of customers coming into the store made us stop our observe and talk round until it was time to close the café. I went to the door to turn the sign to closed on the glass door. I walked back to the counter to take a cloth to clean the tables and after that was done my shift was almost over, earlier than I thought it was going to be. One last clean of the coffee machines and I'm done. Zach was counting the register in the back while I was finishing.

"Hey, so the register is all good." He came back out while taking a cloth to clean the counter. I smiled at him, my focus on the machine. You do not want to break this thing. "Are you away for Thanksgiving?" He suddenly asked which made me turn around. "I'm making the schedule for next week." He smiled kindly.

"I'm going to go to Lukas's parents. Well at least that was the plan..." I pulled up my eyebrows realizing that plan wasn't so fixed anymore.

"Did the plan change?" He spoke carefully, not intending to suggest anything, but the tone of his voice did.

"I don't know..." I shrugged my shoulders. At this point anything could happen. "You?" I tried to change the subject to him as I couldn't give a straight answer.

"I'm going to my parent's place in Malibu." I widened my eyes at the thought of spending the weekend at a beach house. "Don't think it's that much fun." He laughed. "Family weekends are always the worst... The usually end in a talk about my future, in which I don't have a say whatsoever." He said, disappointment displayed in his eyes.

"You need to stand up for yourself Zach. Come on you can't have them dictated who you are or what your future is going to look like..." Easier said than done I know, but someone needed to tell him.

"I know but it's not that simple." He put his hands in the pockets of his jeans again.

"Just show them who you are and what you want. They'll love you either way. They wouldn't have you manage this place if they didn't trust you. By Christmas they'll be used to the idea of you doing what you want." I put my hands on his biceps as if I wanted to shake him awake.

"Maybe you're right." He shrugged his shoulders and I slowly let my hands fall from him. "Talking about Christmas. Stay here..." He smiled before holding up his hand so I would get the message to stay put. While he disappeared into the back office, I hopped on the counter to take some weight off my leg. It had been screaming at me for the past two hours and a sigh of relief escaped from my lips the moment I hopped on it. Mmh feels so good.

While I waited for Zach who was doing who knows what, I thought about my phone call with Lukas earlier today. Knowing him he had quite the debate with himself whether to call me or not, but he did and that's what mattered, and to be quite frank I was happy to hear his voice. At that thought Zach came back, holding something behind his back. He wasn't even trying to hide that he did. What is he doing? "What are you planning?" I smirked at him giving him a once over to discover only a mutual smirk, mine growing more at the sight of the playfulness in his eyes.

"So, next week it's thanksgiving and I know it'ss tradition to only start decorating for Christmas after that, but I saw this and I thought, why not... It's perfect." He smirked while shrugging his shoulders at the same time, twisting the cap on his head until it was backwards, his caramel hair escaping just a little bit but messy. He instantly sparked my curiosity and I tried to look behind him to see what he was hiding. "Close your eyes." He told me but that wasn't going to happen. "Come on, please..." He started to flutter his eyelashes which made me roll my eyeballs in return, a laugh escaping the both of us.

"Mmmm That's not going to work. I don't like to close my eyes and not know what's going to happen." I pouted and scrunched my nose at how uneased it always made me feel. The only person I trusted enough was Lukas...

"Fine then keep them open." He laughed, squeezing his eyes at me. "Ready?" He whispered while giving me the cutest smile. I nodded my head, suddenly feeling enthusiastic.

I smirked at him standing tall in front of me, when suddenly he pulled some Christmas themed reindeer ears from behind his back. "What do you say Rudolph. Do you like them." He looked at me, biting on his bottom lip, waiting for me to answer but also to hold his laugh.

The moment I saw them I knew why he thought they were perfect. He had been calling me Rudolph for a while now and I guess that nickname was going to stick with me for the entire Christmas period. It was nice and incredibly funny. He knew it would cheer me up, giving them to me today out of all days, I could appreciate that. "Let me guess, I already got the red nose to match." I stuck out my tongue at him, squeezing my eyes.

"Now don't be a smartass, I just thought it would look cute." He winked at me, no longer able to hide the smile on his face when my eyes lit up at the sight of them. He was watching every inch of my face, his green eyes searching for my smile and more.

"I love it." I smiled and suddenly his hips softly bumped into my knees, both of us not noticing how we had been pulled into each other's direction. I didn't budge and neither did he, his touch comforting to say the least.

"Good." He whispered; his voice unable to break our eye contact. "Here try them on." He whispered but instead of handing them to me he gently took the cap of my head, only to throw it on the counter next to me. He smiled at me briefly, probably at the mess of fluffy hair the cap had caused on top of my head.

His smile turned into a smirk while his hips pressed against my knees. His hands softly slid the reindeer headband behind my ears on top of my head, both his hands resting on either side. I watched his green eyes go from playful to soft in a blink of an eye, while he observed his movements and his hands cupping the sides of my face. He chuckled while he looked at the reindeer ears, one hand of his letting go of my face to give the little bells on them a gently flick of the finger, a very Christmassy sound escaping from the because of it. "Mhh cute."

His eyes met mine again, his mouth parting and suddenly the room went completely quiet, my legs weak. Before I realized Zach had leaned in, his hand on my face pulling me towards him to close the gap. I felt the world spin a thousand times faster when my lips met his, all my reasoning gone as his thumb caressed my cheek, his other hand going through my hair. His lips were soft, familiar almost, when they kept begging mine to kiss them back. I didn't even notice that by now I was sucked into his touch. His lips were mesmerizingly soft, passionate even, my hands lacing around his sweater at his chest, pulling him even closer. It's only when I felt his tongue brush over my bottom lip that I realized that was kissing him back, inviting him in against better judgement. No! Bella you can't do this. Fuck! Idiot!

"No!" I raised my voice against his lips before I found the willpower to push him away, my hands letting go of his sweater with chock. His lips tearing away from mine made me ache for the fact that it happened in the first place. "What was that for Zach! Tell me this just didn't happen!" I yelled as I watched him with wide eyes, tears welling up in the corners. What have I done. I was facing a Zach who was at a loss of words, his mouth parted with glossy lips. "I can't do this!" I cried, pushing him back so I could jump off the counter, my leg no longer hurting that much as all I could feel was gut-wrenching sickness. I felt like I was going to be sick, as if that could make it undone, nothing could.

I made my way into the locker room within seconds. I need to get out of here. I felt desperate, in pure panic. These stupid reindeer ears! Why did I I let myself get swept away in that moment! You're a fucking bitch Bella that's why! Shit, how could I do this to Lukas... I took the reindeer ears and threw them across the room.

It was at the moment of my mistake that I realized what was at stake. I don't want anybody else than Lukas... He might have made a mistake yesterday but apparently, he was right not to trust me! Fuck! I paced up and down in the room, trying to figure out what to do... I need to go home, I need to tell him. In a frenzy I opened my locker and took off the polo shirt, changing into my sweater. I took my bag and ran out.

I bumped into Zach as I stepped out of the locker room, me colliding with his chest sending me back again like earlier today. He looked like a mess, his hair messy, no longer covering it with his cap and his eyes looked red as if he had rubbed them too many times, rubbing them dry. "Bella, talk to me please. I'm sorry!" He desperately raised his voice, blocking my way out of the room. "Bella, please I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blow it like that! I didn't mean to." He stepped towards me, his hands softly grabbing my shoulders. "I'm sorry... Just forget it ever happened. It was mymistake, not yours." He shook his head, but he was wrong, so wrong, this entire situation was wrong.

"Zach, please let me go home..." I shrugged his hands off my shoulders and they fell to his side, his face turning into a painful grimace. "It wasn't a mistake for you..." I shook my head, trying to avoid his gaze as the tears fogged up my eyes. "I know you have feeling for me Zach, so no it was my mistake not to keep my distance... It was my mistake to not push you away before I let this happen... It was my mistake because I belong to someone else. I'm sorry Za-"

"Stop! I have been trying to hide my feelings, I thought that being friends would be enough for me but I just ruined everything being selfish... I... Bella I didn't mean to." He interrupted me but was at a loss of words eventually, his voice and head low.

I looked up at him, making a decision that I should have made sooner. "Zach, I quit." I half-smiled at him but saying the words pushed the tears from my eyes.

"What!?" He said as if it wasn't even an option. "No...Isabella... I won't ever pull this shit again... I promise!" He shook his head, his hand on my shoulder once more. His touch making me realize my mistake to a tenth.

I shook my head with disbelief. "Don't make promises you can't keep; you can't stop feelings from making you do stupid shit. I'm the perfect example..." I shook my head again, my voice breaking. "Zach I have to quit!" I said. I saw an opening and I managed to walk past him, my shoulder slipping from his hand.

"Why?" He yelled after me as he followed me into the front of the café. "Why? You don't have to quit because of this. It never happened okay?" He said pulling up his brows at me when he managed to get to the door first.

I swallowed, tears paining my eyes and cheeks. "Zach, I have to quit because I might catch feelings if I don't." I sighed looking up at him, my words breaking him into pieces as his eyes went from hope to hurt really quick. "I'm sorry." I said, squeezing his underarm but he kept his eyes to the floor.

"Will we still be friends?" He said under his breath.

"I don't know Zach, I need time to think. I'm sorry." I shook my head as my eyes tried to catch his gaze, but he kept looking down. I could see his chest move at my words, his heart surely breaking.

His arm fell away from my hand while he shook his head. He pulled away only to open the door for me, his eyes now meeting mine. I almost fell apart at the look in his eyes, a tear or two stinging at the corner of them. Zach... "I'm sorry too." He whispered, his voice filled with hurt as he stepped aside, letting me through.

I walked out of the café for maybe the last time ever into the cold and dark streets, streetlights lighting up the way home. What did I do! This time you really ruined everything! How could you let him get so close! How could you not even think about Lukas just a little. How could you be so dumb... You did everything Lukas accused you off at the party... he wasn't so awful and wrong after all. My thoughts haunted me as tears fell onto my sweater. I crossed the street, needing to get away from the café. I sat down on a bench, the cold surface giving me chills, or it was the guilt. Lukas would pick me up, but he was nowhere to be seen yet. That's okay he was only supposed to be here at seven, I have twenties minutes to prepare myself for how I was going to explain this without losing him.

I told Zach I needed time to think but I didn't need time to know what I wanted. Now I was surer of it than ever. I wanted Lukas and I needed to tell him everything. He deserved to know that I made an unforgivable mistake but that I was going to do everything to make it right, to have him forgive me. I have to make it right, or I won't be able to live with myself.