My fingertips were impatiently tapping on the wooden table at the diner. I sat in a booth near the window, wishing to see his face pop up any second. I didn't have much hope as he hadn't even texted me back, but with the little hope I had I was staring at my own reflection in window with the parking lot on the background.

"Would you like something to eat or drink?" A sweet girl around my age asked and her voice tore my gaze away from the window. She directly remined me of myself, back when I worked at that diner, minus the skates and horrible outfit. I should have applied here instead... That way I would have never taken that job at the coffee house, I never would have met Zach, Lukas and I would be sitting here laughing, making jokes, being happy together. "Sorry, can I get you something." She said with a soft voice and a smile on her face, two strands of blonde hair framing it perfectly.

I shook my head when I realized I was staring and daydreaming at the same time. "Oh, uhm, I'm sorry... My head was somewhere else... I'm waiting for someone, but you can already bring two cherry cokes." I smiled at her.

"Waiting for a guy?" She winked at me as she noted that down, her nail polish light blue. She looked so bubbly and sweet, like me, like I used to be before this mess.

If only she knew. "Yeah... something like that." I chuckled, the thought of going on dates bringing back good memories. "He's should be here any minute."

"Two cherry cokes coming right up." She said before disappearing. I sighed trying to picture my conversation with Lukas. I knew we both were suffering, I knew he loved me, he wouldn't have begged me on his knees when I left if he didn't. I was so cold like he didn't matter to me anymore, while he matters to me most. I was just trying to keep myself from falling apart, because deep down I knew I was the cause of this mess. I pushed him to that bar. He didn't need to hurt me more by trying to kiss Jess, but I was so mad for him doing so that I didn't see he was hurting just as much, maybe even more. I need to fix this... I was so sunken in thought and into preparing my apology I didn't notice the waitress had arrived with the cokes. "Here you go..."

Her kind voice pulled me out of my head once again before giving her a smile. "Thank you."

She smiled back but her eyes fell on my wrist, which was laying on the table, the sleeve of my sweater only just exposing it. "I love your tattoo, it's cute." She scrunched her nose in an adorable way and once again I felt like looking in a mirror.

"Thank you. I lost a bet." I shrugged my shoulders, but I knew it was more than just a bet. The snowflake, even though I didn't know what it meant, meant everything to me.

"If that's the outcome I'd happily lose one too." She smiled at me before turning on her heel and I heard her chuckle. I'd still do it all over again. I smiled at myself, reminding how I got into and also lost the bet. And I meant it, I would do it all over again even if today's outcome wasn't what I longed for. Lukas gave me something nobody could ever take away from me, the tattoo and the feeling of being loved, even if only for a while instead of a lifetime. Anyhow I'd spend a lifetime thinking about how it felt.

After a few sips from my coke and watching dozens of people pass by on the street, I felt myself nervously biting my lip. I shifted my gaze from the window to my phone and my now empty glass of cherry coke. One ten... He's just running late. One fifteen... Maybe his car didn't start in this cold weather... One twenty... Twenty minutes late, Lukas please show up... One twenty-one...Bella stop staring at your phone it's making you more nervous than you already are. Two p.m. I let my head hang low with disappointment as I couldn't find another excuse other than: It's over. It's really over... I whispered to myself again, my voice breaking altogether at the thought.

I swallowed as I watched the empty seat and full cherry coke in front of me. With a sigh I let myself fall back into my chair while my fingertips trailed to my cheek to catch some bitter tears. I was startled by the waitress swinging by again to pick up my empty glass and I quickly rubbed my eyes dry before looking up at her concerned frown. "He didn't show up?" He asked, cautiously putting her lips in a straight line and I nodded. "You deserve better." She whispered, putting her hand on my shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. The kindness in a little act like this was the only thing keeping me from falling apart.

"How do I get over a guy?" I said out of nowhere, asking to advise from a complete stranger, yet something about her face was familiar, and I almost had the feeling like I was meant to meet her. She was me a few months ago, she has her own Mia, her own Lukas maybe even her own personal demons disguised as a Drew. We are all the leads in our own story making crossovers to other's. "I mean I love him." I shrugged my shoulders.

She smiled at me as if the answer was easy. "You didn't say loved." She pulled her brows up at me with a kind expression. "I still love my last boyfriend." She shrugged before looking around the quiet diner. She sighed, putting her hands at her side. "Love is hard most of the time..." She smiled confidently. "Why do you think the world was so many of those popular sad love songs? Because, everyone once has had their heart broken and needed something to cry along to. Trust me I would know. After 4 years of being high school sweethearts my boyfriend and I broke up and it still hurts. You never get over it completely you just learn to give it a place in that imaginative garbage can in your head, especially if he turns out to be trash." Her giggle was contagious.

"What if he isn't trash at all, what if he's perfect? What if he treated me right?" I frowned my brow.

"Oh nobody is perfect, everybody makes mistakes somehow." She looked at the empty seat in front of me. "It just depends on how much you can try to recycle the trash." I pulled up my brow at her creativity.

"Tell me about it..." I looked up at her, sadness about committing my own blunders coating my voice. "I made a few mistakes too... That's why he didn't show up." I sheepishly smiled but disappointment evident on my face. "I really love him." I shrugged my shoulders with defeat.

"A little advice... If you really love him that much, don't give up so easily." She spoke softly before comfortingly patting my shoulder. "I'm sure he has an explanation." She whispered before I felt her hand leave me.

I watched her walk towards another table while her words simmered through my head. I hope he does have an explanation, because I don't want to give up. But if he doesn't want me anymore that there nothing left that I can do...At least I tried...

After leaving some money on the table to pay for the two cherry cokes I walked out of the diner, kindly holding my hand up to the waitress. Her advice was what I needed not to break into pieces, giving me a glimpse of hope maybe.

Walking back to my apartment the hope I had when I left the diner was slowly starting to fade away the closer I got to home. This wasn't even my home, home was wherever he was, and he obviously wasn't there. You can imagine the mess I was when I got home after a walk that consisted of nothing more than blaming myself and overthinking the reasons he didn't show up.

All I felt was that I had lost him. I felt angry, sad, guilty, disappointed and all of the other emotions on the spectrum. When I first saw him at that party, I was annoyed by him, but also instantly attracted and curious to get to know him better. Even when he insulted me numerous times, I was still drawn to him as if I knew that there was more to him than that, and there was. I got the privilege of falling in love with the real him, and I will never take that for granted.

Looking at myself in the mirror, many tears stained my heartbroken façade and I couldn't hide the misery on my face as the bags under my eyes were dark. If this is only a few days of missing him, I don't want to know what it's like to live a life without him. It's pathetic...The mess you're in right now is all your own fault Bella.

I shook my head, disappointed at how I let my life spiral out of control again. "Stupid bitch." I said out loud at myself with all the hate I could give myself. "I hate this!" I yelled slamming my hand against a shampoo bottle on the sink, making it fly into the shower curtain. "I fucking hate this!" I let all the anger out as I made my tube of toothpaste take the same trajectory as my shampoo. "I hate that I fucked up! I hate that he hates me!"

I found myself out of breath from yelling into the bathroom walls, throwing more stuff around until i was panting. "I can't believe this is happening!" I grunted with frustration. "I can't call him because it goes straight to voicemail and I can't just show up at his door because I don't think my heart can handle him waving me off. This fucking hurts, but that would completely destroy me." I sobbed into my hands as I desperately tried to calm myself down. "Having breakdowns in the bathroom, as if that's going to help!"

Days went by going through that same stage of breakdown again and again, mostly in the morning feeling the beginning of day weighing down on me but even more so at night when crawling into an empty bed, afraid of the lonely nightmares the darkness would bring. I would dream about my parents, telling me they were right, that I just wasn't lovable, that I deserved everything that happened to me and in the morning that same cycle would just repeat itself.

On Thursday morning I woke up, it had almost been a week since I left Lukas, wanted him back shortly after and realized it was too late. The darkness I fell into because of it was a mixture of heartbreaking agony and guilt eating me away. I ruined my own happiness this time and now I was watching it crumble down in slow motion, every day a little more. I was sucked into the routine of getting up, skipping breakfast, walking around the house to torture my thoughts thinking about him or what he might be doing. I let my mind go overboard with theories, thinking of him sleeping with other girls every night, kissing them, texting them... And even though I knew he probably wasn't, I tortured my heart with it, like pain was all I knew.

Later that afternoon I was curled up into my sheets when a knock on the door tore me away from my self-pity. I didn't even want to open that door, I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to do a lot of things.

It didn't even cross my mind to check myself in the mirror before opening the door, I was a mess inside and out. The possibility of Lukas showing up at my door was something I had already given up hope on these past days as I literally waited in front of that door for hours on end. "What is wrong with you!" Mia frowned when she barged in as soon as I opened the door. She confidently put her hands at her sides, bossy as fuck while looking absolutely gorgeous in a red flowy dress and matching heels. "I have been calling you all day yesterday... And today all morning."

"I-I didn't look at m-my phone." Of course I had to stutter as this was a flat out lie... I was staring at Lukas's picture on the background of my phone all day and I did see her calls, I just felt like nobody could help me at this point.

"Yeah right Pinocchio..." She squeezed her eyes at me with a frown on top of them. "Are you okay?" Her angry stare suddenly turned concerned at the sight of me, instantly throwing her arms around me for a hug.

"No of course I'm not..." I sighed honestly, knowing that lying wasn't going to work on her. I swung my arms around her as I took in the hug, enjoying feeling a little something instead of self-pity and guilt.

She pushed me back at my shoulders as her eyes scanned over my face, her feet storming towards the kitchen. "I can tell you're not okay... Have you been eating, sleeping, living? You look like a vampire at its worst." She frowned her brows at me as I followed her to the kitchen. "Bella what are you doing to yourself?" She shook her head, instantly going through my fridge and cabinets.

"What are you doing?" I frowned at her and the way she was frantically checking ever cabinet. "Mia?"

"Checking if you have enough food?" She held up her hands like it was obvious. "I'm not joking okay!" I could feel the worry in her tone, and it was nice to know at least someone care about my calorie intake.

"I meant what are you doing here?" I asked her, seeing the calm return on her face as she found something in the fridge, not much but something.

"Bella... I'm worried about you okay! Especially today since it's Thanksgiving?" She pouted her lips as if she felt sad somehow, she did feel sad. Oh...

"Oh is it?" I stared into the other side of the room, trying to avoid eye contact.

"Bella..." She frowned at me with concern, tilting her head to the side. "Of course you know... We would have been picking you up about now if you and Lukas didn't..." She paused, looking like she said too much, but was right I knew... I looked forward to having a happy Thanksgiving once in my life. She tried so hard not to hurt me that I could see it on her face. "...Don't act like it's nothing." She shook her head.

"It's not nothing but I guess I'll be celebrating on my own tonight. What do you want me to do? Don't worry I saved up a bottle of wine..." The other day I cleared all of the alcohol into the sink apart from one bottle of red wine that I kept for today. "I'll be fine." I said on a slightly bitter tone as I knew a bottle alcohol was not who I wanted to spend Thanksgiving with as it had been my nightmare on this day for as long as I can remember.

She frowned relentlessly at me, feeling pity while I could see she was boiling with worry and anger all together. "I don't believe you're going to be fine, that's the reason for the cabinet razia and the fact I wanted to drop by on our way to our parents." Our, did she just say our?

"He's outside?" I instantly asked. My heart skipped a beat at the thought of him waiting in the car. My legs were trying to move, to go outside, to talk to him but my head kept me from doing so. He doesn't want to see you.

"He's in the car, downstairs." She sheepishly said, disappointed that that was the situation and hurt by the desperate look on my face.

I shook my head, trying to keep myself from crying again. I had spilled to many these past days; I couldn't bring myself to spill one more. However, my face looked like pain and Mia instantly reacted to that. "I'm sorry Bell I-"

I shrugged my shoulders as I walked over to my window, knowing for sure that he would be there. "It's not your fault Mia." I huffed while pushing the curtain to the side, seeing his black Mustang out front, his arm pasted against the window. "I hurt him really, badly didn't I?" I felt my lip tremble.

Mia leaned against the back of my couch as she watched me search for Lukas's face. "Honestly, he hasn't talked much..." She said lowly. "But neither have you... I know you're not doing fine, why didn't you just call me?" She asked with worry as I looked back at her. "I hate seeing you like this!"

"Because I didn't want to ruin your weekend, your whole entire week. I don't want to bother you with my issues. I don't want to put thunderclouds over your joy." I pulled up my shoulders while facing her.

"Bella... You can always come to me... Especially since your issues are caused by my idiotic brother." She tilted her head to the side with a pout on her lips.

"I know... I'm sorry." I whispered under my breath as my gaze shifted back out of the window and that's when I spotted his dark grey eyes looking up at me from his car. Before I could smile or show him in some way that I was happy to see his face he instantly and painfully looked away, tearing his eyes away from me. He doesn't even want to look at me... "Why didn't he show up?" I shook my head as I stepped away from the window with a pinching ache around my heart. "Why?" I said desperately. "I left him a message, I tried to have him meet me at a diner so we could talk, fix things... He didn't show up..." I sighed, feeling helpless.

Mia walked closer as she saw I was crumbling, hew arms instantly snaking around me. "I don't know what's going on inside his head..." She said into my hair as she pulled me into a hug, tears now streaming down my cheeks once more, even if I didn't think it was possible. "He's been keeping to himself, not saying much or showing how he feels... I... I don't know..." She shrugged. "I don't know why he didn't come; he hasn't spoken to me... I didn't even know you wanted to see him." She rushed, still hugging me as her hand tried to comfort me at my back.

"He just didn't show up... I guess it's really over." I fell out into a sob holding her really tight, maybe for a second imagining I was hugging her brother.

She pushed me back a little by my shoulders, her hands instantly cupping my cheeks to wipe my tears away. "Isabella. You. Are. Better. Than. This." She shook my head slightly trying to make me see it but I couldn't, not even if an earthquake could shake me up. I'm heartbroken and nothing can change that. "I have to go now, but please call me... Please don't do anything stupid... I'm here for you!" The tears sprung into her own eyes as she spoke and softly let go of my face.

"I know." I smiled at her, trying to comfort her. "Say hello to your parents okay? They're really good people..." I barely smiled, hiding the pain it caused me to say that; but I meant every word.

"They're going to feel like someone's missing..." She tilted her head at me with a sad frown on her face. "At least eat something festive tonight okay?" She widened her eyes at the fridge before slowly walking towards the door.

"Is lasagna festive enough?" I chuckled, my fingers wiping away the tears from my cheeks.

"Definitely." She laughed as she opened the door and smiled. "Call me." She urged, widening her eyes while holding her hand to her ear like a fake telephone.

"Yeah I will!" I shook my head, unable to hold back a smile but that disappeared as soon as she pulled the door behind her.

Flopping down on the couch the loneliness quickly washed over me, making me curl up as I turned on the television. Some stupid reality show was playing and after a few minutes trying to keep my depressed mind awake I dosed off, only to wake up around seven in the evening. I yawned while a growl rumbled through my stomach. Lasagna it is...