《First one》One hundred and Sixteen: Don't say that

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"Promise me." Bella whispered at my sister who had said she would always be there for her.

"Promise me you'll go to the police." Mia said maybe a bit too stern but at this point she needed to listen to us, to do the right thing by reporting it instead of running away, again.

"Not tonight, please I can't take going now... I'm exhausted." She shook her head, burying her face in her hands.

"That's okay, tomorrow is fine... But Ben's mom said we should take pictures of your inj-"

"No, no, no!" Bella shook her head in her hands and once again I felt helpless. Instinctively I put my hand in between her shoulder blades, trying to comfort her but she shrugged me away, and let me tell you, that hurt. Bella please..."No, I'm not doing that, I'm not!" She panicked while I retreated my hand back into my lap.

"You have to. It's evidence... Please." Mia urged with worry laced trough her tone.

"I can't even look at myself! Let alone take a picture of it!" Bells pulled her face up from her hands in anger, tears in her eyes. "No!" She hissed in defense.

"Bella please, let me help you." Let us help you. My sister tried to convince her. "I'll help you take them..." Mia nodded before putting her hand through the ends of Bella's botched hair. "I'll properly cut your hair after, please." Bella intensely gazed at my sister before lowering her head and nodding yes.

"Do you really think the pictures are necessary?" She gave in a little while I was just watching it all.

"Ben's mom told me it's best." Bella sighed deeply before nodding again. Thank god. "Good, we'll do it in the bathroom so I can cut your hair and you can have a shower after." Mia gently took Bella's hand before getting up from the couch, disappearing into the bathroom.

My mind was all over the place, from the hurt of Bella being close but also so unattainable to the anger I felt towards her parents for doing this to her. It's just so fucking cruel. I sat back on the couch for too long, waiting for someone to emerge from the bathroom, my gaze blankly staring at the door as I pushed a hand too many through my hair and my lungs let out a symphony of worried sighs.

After waiting and waiting and waiting Mia opened the door, her face filled with hurt and her cheeks stained with tears. I stood up with concern as Mia walked over to me, falling into my arms as she hugged me and sobbed against my chest. It instantly brought me terror, frightening me. "It's bad..." Mia sobbed. "Worse than I thought..." She cried as she held on to me tighter. I hugged her back as she clearly needed her, and so did I. "Lukas, I don't even know how she's still so strong, the bruises they are... They are everywhere." She buried her face into my chest as I felt my heartbeat quicken with panic.

"Mia, show me the pictures!" I urged with a sense of priority. She shook her head into my chest. "Please, show me the pictures, I need to see how bad! How bad is it! Mia!" I panicked; my lungs unable to expand in my chest. I pushed my sister away from our hug, as I suddenly felt claustrophobic, the pressure on my chest too much as it was.

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"No, I can't she made me promise not to show you. Luke please." She begged as she clenched her phone between her hands.

"Mia, I need to see... Please." I begged her as I tried to grab the phone from her. "Please, let go!" I pleaded her again while I almost was able to take it away from her as I was stronger and taller, and now was a good time to used it for my advantage.

"Luke! Stop! I promised her!" Mia nearly cried when I finally got a hold of the phone, opening it as she didn't have a code on it. Don't shut me out...I just need to see how bad it is, I'm fucking worried! "Lukas!" She tried to take it back, but I kept her at an armlength distance. "Don't." She begged me but it was too late...I scrolled trough the pictures, my mouth falling open at the sight of all the bruises, already dark and worse than I expected. Fuck no, no, no, no, no! I swiped through all of the pictures, my heart pounding harder and harder as I gazed at each and every one of them. Fuck, fuck fuck! I'm going to kill her father! I'm going to kill him for doing this to her. I rubbed my face trying to get rid of the images as I pushed the phone back into Mia's hands. "Lukas... Say something..." Mia said softly as if she was afraid of my reaction.

"What do you want me to say! That I want to fucking strangle someone with my bare hands now?" I snapped at her pacing up and down in the living room. For fucks sake this I brutal! "Have you seen the bruises! She must have been kicked! Thrown against a wall, who knows what!" I yelled at Mia. "Who does that! Who fucking does something like that? I swear, if I ever meet them, I can't promise I won't do anything stupid." I raised my voice in anger and I felt as if I was about to throw up.

"Lukas calm down, she can hear you!" Mia said, holding her hands up and signing to lower my voice.

"Calm down? Fucking calm down? How am I supposed to do that after seeing what her own family did to her! Have you seen her! There're more bruises on her than skin for fucks sake!" I raged pacing up and down, grabbing my hair with disbelief. "I can't fucking breathe Mia! I'm feeling sick! I have never cared about someone so much and then I let this happen!?" I shook my head as I tried to breathe to no avail.

"Lukas! Stop! She doesn't need you to rage or panic right now! Don't you think she has seen enough violence today! Stop it!" Mia grabbed my arm with force pulling me out of my own head, which had turned into a complete warzone of thoughts. "Sit down!" Mia demanded, pushing me into the couch at my shoulders. "Where are those leggings of mine you borrowed for her to wear? Do you still have them?" Mia widened her eyes, urging me to think straight.

"Uhm yeah, bottom drawer." I nodded towards my room, my hands holding on to my ridiculous dress pants to get rid of some of my anger.

"Good. She needs something to sleep in." Mia stated before making her way into my room. I heard her rumble through some drawers before coming back out and going back into the bathroom after knocking on the door.

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I rubbed my eyes, still trying to get rid of those pictures. This is so infuriation! I muttered under my breath as my hand squeezed my thigh with frustration. I want to walk into the bathroom and hug her, tell her I'm here for her but I doubt that that's what she wants... If I push too hard, she'll only push me away... If I don't do anything, she might think I don't care while all I want to do is take care of her.

Both Bells and Mia walked out of the bathroom, neither of them saying a word. Bells was wearing those leggings and Mia also gave her a T-shirt of mine and the sight of her in something that belonged to me gave me hope. Enough hope to calm me down and comfort my thoughts. I stood up from the couch, instantly trying to be calm so I wouldn't scare her away. "Bells, take my room." I nodded towards my bedroom, before holding my hands up. "Don't worry I'll take the couch." I gently smiled as my eyes fell on her hair, a little shorter than earlier, just above her shoulders but even and it looked surprisingly good on her. I chuckled at her new look, finding it incredibly cute and sexy. I had to keep myself from staring as my eyes followed her walking into my bedroom. She didn't oblige to sleep there, which is good, right? She wants to sleep in our bed, that means something doesn't it?

I didn't know what to do with myself, so I decide it was best to get out of these hideous dress pants and take a shower. I let Bella get comfortable in my room while I went into the bathroom. I saw her clothes in a pile on the floor and picked them up. The fact she held on to my hoodie meant something to me and I smiled at the pile in my hands before folding them carefully.

I was breathing again when I took off the dress pants and shirt, the water from the shower nice and warm, yet it couldn't sooth my worry. I still can't forget the pictures... Why didn't she want me to see them...? I'm her boyfriend... At least I was. I sighed as I felt like drowning under the stream of water going down my face, desperately thinking of ways to get her back.

As I stood in front of the mirror, I looked at myself, my hair still wet from washing it and my face flustered. It was because of her that I had become to love myself a little, but I didn't know if I could keep doing that if she wasn't constantly reminding me.

I sighed as I walked into my room in my boxers. Her mouth parted the moment I walked, her eyes not leaving me as I awkwardly made it to my drawer, grabbing a T-shirt and short. It was only when I saw the startled look on Bella's face, I realized that walking around her like this might have been a little inappropriate since we weren't together anymore. She sat on the edge of the bed as if she felt out of place.

"I'm sorry." I shook my head at her while pulling the black T-shirt over my head. "I still need to get used to... This..." I waved my hand at the space between us, the almost unbearable separation. I felt my voice go weak too, and that was okay... I wanted her to know that I wasn't... I wasn't okay with the space between us... I quickly grabbed some shorts too and put them on while a soft smile appeared on her lips.

"It's fine. Noting I haven't seen before." She chuckled a little, giving me a glimpse of hope. "I'm going to try to sleep now if that's okay." She anxiously pulled up her shoulders before moving back up the bed, pulling the covers over her. I once again was mesmerized by the way she looked so different. Even like this, bruised and vulnerable, she was still the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, and the new hair was genuinely growing on me as it gave her an edge, looking fiercer and more playful. "What?" She said when she caught me staring again.

It caught me off guard and I sheepishly smiled, looking at her trough my eyelashes as my hand nervously ruffled trough my wet locks. "Nothing... The bed is all yours." I smiled at her trying not to show I was a little disappointed that I didn't get to hold her. I don't want to go... All I wanted to do was just lay next to her and hold her to show her and to know myself that she was safe.

Our gazes met but she didn't speak while her eyes held mine captive for a second. Then, she smiled and laid her head on my pillow, crawling all the way to my side of the bed. I couldn't stop a smile forming on my lips at that sight. I lovingly gazed over her one last time before turning the lights off.

Still feeling disappointed but most of all worried, I shuffled towards the couch, putting a bunch of pillows on the floor to make room before flopping down. I hate not being able to hold her... I hate to think I screwed up to the point she doesn't want me to. Aah and that cut on her lip, I want to softly kiss it to ease the pain... I just want us to fucking be us again. Lost in thought, staring at the ceiling, I felt my eyes get heavy.

I rolled over to my side as a gush of wind flowing over me gave me chills. I really want her back... I was imagining us together, going over memories and on the edge of feeling asleep when I felt a hand softly cares mine like I was already dreaming. When small fingers intertwined with mine, I swiftly opened my eyes. They tried to make sense of the situation, but my heart already knew that this was a feeling too familiar not to cherish.

"Bells?" I whispered while squinting my eyes as they had to adjust to the streetlights shining through the window. Her hand squeezed mine and I immediately sat up, my feet touching the cold floor. She was standing between my legs now as she held on to my hand. My other hand searched for her side with worry. "What wrong?" I asked hasty, my voice sounding hoarse and exhausted. She squeezed my hand once more as her thumb caressed the back of my hand. Even in the little light that lit up the room I could see her bottom lip tremble. "Hey, hey it's okay." My hand went up and down the side of her leg to comfort her as worry and fear filled me entirely.

"I'm scared to fall asleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see him coming after me again." She barely said as her voice couldn't take it anymore, her free hand going for my damp hair as if it was soothing to her. I had to admit it was more than soothing to me. It gave me chills, tingles, the whole circus allover. I just looked at her, trying to make out what she wanted me to do or say. She shook her head with sigh blowing over her lips. "I don't want you to sleep on the couch." She whispered carefully while our eyes locked with each other, hers raying desperation.

What? She doesn't want me to sl- My mouth parted as she made me speechless, my hand gently holding on to her thigh, caressing it with care. Is this for real? Before I could answer she pulled me by my hand away from the couch and I would have been an idiot to resist, our fingers intertwining, and her touch made me swallow away all of the pain. She pulled me into my room, closing the door behind her as she held on to my hand tightly. "Bells do you r-"

"Please just...just hold me." She cut me off, her voice faint and broken through every word. She let go of my hand as she shuffled to the bed and crawled underneath the sheets. I just stood there at the edge of the bed, dumbstruck, at a loss of words as this was everything I hoped for but did not expect whatsoever. Pull yourself together, she needs you. It was my chance to earn her trust, but I also didn't want to take advantage of how vulnerable she was.

I briefly shook my head to see if I wasn't dreaming but I didn't wake up so safe to say this was reality. "Uhm yeah..." Was all my mind could think of as I walked over to the bed. "Under?" I whispered holding up the blanket as I asked her for permission... It hurt that I felt the need to do that, but I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. She nodded, looking over her shoulder as she laid on her side with her back to me.

I softly bit my lip, unsure how close she wanted me to come, but then I remembered the wanting look on her face when she asked me to hold her. I squirmed closer to her and the moment my body touched hers she lifted her head up for me to slide my arm under it. A smile appeared on my face for her doing something so simple yet so meaningful. She put her head back down on my arm as she wiggled herself back until she was completely curled up against me. The moment my free arm snaked around her she sighed with relief. "Thank you." She whispered as her arms cuddled mine and that gave me a sign to snuggle my face into her hair like I used to. I briefly closed my eyes to capture this moment, so I could hold on to it for eternity, just in case she would wake up tomorrow morning demanding distance once again.

Her breathing became less filled with fear but much more relaxed as she eased into me. "I missed this." I whispered, my eyes instantly widening as I didn't mean to say that out loud. You idiot, take it slow... I expected her to push me away but instead she sighed regretful, bringing my hand to her chest to cuddle it more. She didn't push me away, but she also didn't say it back and that was enough to make the lump in my throat reappear. Why did I have to say that out loud?!

"I'm sorry for ruining your night." She whispered as she pushed herself into more and I really had to divert my attention from her butt wiggling against my manhood as she did. For Christ's sake now's definitely not the time.

"Don't say that." I whispered into her hair before huddling my face into her hair, loving the feel and sweet smell of her skin. "Don't apologize. If somebody needs to say sorry it's me. I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me the most." I hugged her tighter, but she instantly let out a pained grunt... Too tight. "Shit, sorry." I widened my eyes and loosened my grip around her with fear.

She grunted softly as she tried to adjust herself in my arms. "Just not too tight." She breathed out the pain, taking deep breaths before easing back into my arms and I tried not to put pressure on her ribcage, adjusting my arms around her waist. I softly placed the palm of my hand on her stomach and for some reason feeling her breathe was making the butterflies in my stomach go wild. It all intensified when she put her hand over mine, intertwining our fingers. I'm still so in love with this girl. "It's not your fault..." she rolled her head, so I'd have more excess to the crook of her neck, and I went for it, pasting my face against her skin, feeling her warmth. Mhh I want to put little kisses on her, but I can't, not right now. I wouldn't be able to take it if she pushed me away now.

"Yes, it is..." I whispered against her warm skin and the humming sounds coming from her throat told me she liked that. "I was on my way to you tonight... Listen I don't know how to say this, but I only found out today you wanted to meet me at a diner." I whispered with caution, not knowing what reaction I could expect.

"What?" She said with disbelief dripping from her voice and a frown on her face when she tilted her head back. She nearly brushed her nose against mine in doing so and all I could do was wish that she had, her near touch giving me goosebumps.

"You left me a voicemail one day and I...It hurt a lot. Greatly..." I whispered softly and at my words she turned around in my arms facing me with wide eyes. I sighed deeply before continuing as I tried to explain how I felt. "I regretted so much of the things that happened, all of them to be honest and when I heard your anger towards me in that voicemail, I was really convince there was no chance I was ever going to be able to fix it." The whirlwind of emotions of that day came flooding back to me and it swept me away, making my voice sound fragile. "I was so angry at myself for being such an ass to you, so much that you ended up hating me." As soon as the word hate rolled over my tongue her hand traveler up to cup my cheek, shaking her head. I briefly closed my eyes, letting myself feel her touch and every other tingle it caused inside me. "I threw my phone against the wall in anger and I never got your message." I whispered, my face drawn in to hers as we were now sharing a pillow.

"Lukas I could never hate you." She whispered faintly and her hand continued to caress the side of my face until her fingers went up, nestling them into my damp hair. Her hand pulled me closer until our foreheads touched, the sensation and warmth made me feel as if I was floating. It was such a small gesture, yet it meant so much especially when her fingers nervously started playing with my hair.

"It didn't feel like that..." I briefly closed my eyes, enjoying the way her fingers fiddled with my hair. I'm sorry for not coming in this afternoon." I whispered, lightly brushing my nose over hers and she let me, melting into my touch, slowly but surely. "I stayed in the car because I really thought I was the last person you wanted to see. When Mia told me at my parents place you were upset because I didn't show up at the diner, I didn't know what she was talking about and when she explained I panicked." I shook my head before gently pinching the bridge of my nose with regret. "If I had known you wanted to see me, I would have showed up to that diner an hour early just to see you walk over to me." I whispered and she closed her teary eyes at the thought.

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