CHAPTER 25

Dimitri

After a six-hour shift washing shitty linen. My prison clothes were damp and sweat beaded my forehead. I was always a sweaty mess after my shift. The steam evading the laundry room usually did it. The prison guard escorted me to my cell.

I had extra free time before lunch was served. The places where I could go were limited. The situation outside in the yard was still volatile. Only place still to go was the library. I hadn't been there in over a week. I headed towards it, looking forward to some conversation with Jimmy.

I walked into the library and was stunned to not see Jimmy there, but another guy behind the counter. I was so used to seeing only Jimmy.

"Hey where's Jimmy?" I asked the new guy, giving him a heads up. The new guy looked up and just shrugged and looked back down at whatever he was doing. I headed back to my cell. There was no point in hanging around. I just hoped Jimmy was okay.

***

The next day was the same. Get up. Eat. Work. Sleep. Gym and repeat. My life was on damn repeat in this shit hole.

But today was different. It was the day that could get me out of this place, the deciding factor. The day I've been waiting for since I started writing to Lillie. My parole hearing was at 9am sharp. I was up before wake-up time. Who could sleep when shit was about to get real. I didn't sleep a damn wink. My stomach felt a ball of nerves all night. I couldn't fuck this up. I wanted to get out so badly that I could taste freedom. I had to calm myself down. Not getting my hopes up too much.

I got up, took a shower and dressed in my blue prison wear. I was ready, or well ready as I could be, sitting on my bed waiting for the prison guard. I checked my watch; it was 9am. I breathed in deep as I clenched and unclenched both of my fists. I needed to relax myself. I thought about Lillie. I took the picture gently from my bunkers ceiling and looked at her reassuring smile. Trying to get my mind off the parole hearing.

"Inmate 29901. Come with me." The prison guard bellowed, beckoning me to follow him as he opened my bars. I returned Lillie's photo to my bed bunker. Stood up from my bed and followed the prison guard out.

This was it. My one last shot.

I followed the warden through the west wing. We walked past a couple of corridors, walking through locked gate after gate, which were opened electronically by other prison guards. We stopped at a closed door to some sort of office. I clenched my jaw tight. I'd didn't know what to expect beyond these doors. Or what my fate lies for me.

I need to just tell the truth.

Be honest.

The prison guard opened the door for me, and I entered. The room was more like a vacant large room, not like an office at all. On the far side was a long wooden table with four men and a woman sitting on black leather chairs next to one another. I recognized one of them as the prison's warden, his snow white hair was distinct. My eyes scanned to the center of the room. Facing the table was a single chair.

The woman stood up.

"Have a seat, Mr. Hawke," she gestured to the chair in the middle of the room. I nodded, walked over, and took the seat.

Shit, this was intimidating as fuck. This was literally 'sitting in the hot seat'.

"Mr. Hawke. This is your third parole hearing." The woman spoke. She seemed to be the head of the chair board.

"Yes, it is," I replied.

"We have reviewed your application letter, and will proceed to ask you some questions, in which you will answer?'' She continued sternly.

"Yes." I swallowed hard. Slight sweat beading from my brow.

The parole began. All I could remember was a bunch of questions being asked.

Recap of offences sent to prison.

How my crimes impacted the community and how I am bettering myself?

My achievements and behavior in prison?

What I plan to do outside of prison? The questions were endless.

And finally, are you committed to stay out of prison?

DAMN SURE!

After the Q and As. The woman dismissed me. I couldn't tell if the meeting went well or not. All their expressions were unreadable. I walked out of the room. Preparing for the worst.

***

Back in my cell, I replayed the whole parole hearing in my head. What I could've said better? Could I have given a better answer? I was honest as I could be. The most honest I ever been.

I will always have guilt for my past, and for the people I've hurt. That's a burden I'll always carry. But I wanted desperately to change. To be a better man. I thought of Lillie. what would she say in this situation? She always had something encouraging to say. I sat on my bed and ran my hands through my hair and over my face.

Too many thoughts were invading my mind, threatening to fucking break me.

***

Three days passed and I haven't written to Lillie yet. I was filled with anxiety, an uneasiness settled in me as I paced through my cell back and forth.

I still hadn't gone to the library. Jimmy was still nowhere to be seen. I finally asked the prison guard stationed near there.

"Where's Jimmy?"

"Who's Jimmy?" The prison guard answered.

"The old guy from the Library. Inmate 17654," I said.

"Oh yeah! Inmate 17654. He went to the hospital wing last week. He died. Buried him two days ago."

My eyes bolted wide in shock. I couldn't bring myself to speak. I stared at the prison guard with a blank expression that echoed disbelief.

"He died?... how?" I couldn't understand. I was so dumbfounded. The carelessness of his words.

"Cancer, I think. He had it for months," the prison guard shrugged and walked away.

Cancer? It couldn't be. Jimmy looked healthy. Not the best, as many don't look their finest here. But at least he looked strong. My heart sank, and I felt nausea rippling through my body. It was a blow that I didn't expect. I curled my fist into balls.

I walked fast to my cell, once inside, I punched the wall. It created a light dent and made my left knuckles bleed. The anger surfaced. And I had to hit something. Aggression was the only thing I knew that justified things. It hurt as fuck. But I needed to feel the pain. I needed to feel something. I couldn't bring myself to believe what I've heard. It wasn't fair. A great guy like Jimmy was stuck in a place like this and the only way out was in a body bag.

I closed my eyes shut. These walls were suffocating me. I sat on my bed and eased my breathing. The ringing in my ears eased. I needed peace.

"Inmate 29901. Letter!" The prison guard said from the cell bars. I looked up.

Yes, it's from Lillie, I thought. I need her right now. To bring me back from the edge.

I rushed to the prison guard and grabbed the letter out of his hand. After ripping the envelope open, I finally realized it wasn't pink. I opened the letter and saw it wasn't from Lillie. It had a red emblem at the top that made it look official. I realized it was from the parole board. The findings of my hearing came through.

I read it.

Disbelief overtook my face as my eyes widened. Written in black and white.

"PAROLE APPROVED".