Lillie

Four days had passed, and I heard nothing from Dimitri.

I sat on Sassi's couch in my pajama shorts and t-shirt, my arms around my ginger cat, stroking her whiskers as she sat on my lap. Since the break in at my house, I have been staying with Sassi. I didn't feel comfortable to go back there till everything was sorted by the insurance company. Sassi, as always, welcomed me with open arms, even accepting Pebbles.

My eyes were still thick from all the crying. My heart was still broken. And I couldn't believe that Dimitri shattered it. I trusted him and couldn't understand what went wrong or what fully happened.

He left without an explanation, besides pushing me away after my living room got trashed. My heart never felt so torn and broken before, not even my breakup with Mason hurt me like this. I had taken a week's break from work, not feeling up to teaching at the moment.

Sassi had gone out and did some errands for us. I appreciated Sassi very much, it's at times like these she was truly my friend. I couldn't go to my mother. She knew nothing about me and Dimitri's relationship.

I looked around Sassi's apartment. It was very neat and very grey, a contrast to my townhouse.

All the décor was grey or white, with a pop of colour by modern photographs displayed on the grey walls. Even her room was grey, for crying out loud. But it gave the place a stylish and polished look, just like Sassi.

I slept on her white pristine couch for the past three nights as we watched horror movies. I smiled, poor Sassi, she couldn't control my weepy moments and tried her best to distract me with slasher films, all the while it just made me cry even more.

I could hear the jingle of keys as the front door unlocked. I stood up from the couch and got a grip of myself before Sassi came in, and maybe make dinner for us if I was up for it. I dropped my bare feet on Sassi's soft white fur rug and dragged myself to her kitchen, adorned with stainless steel appliances, in my gown I had on for the past few days.

I got out two mugs and prepared coffee for us.

"Hey Lil..." Sassi said, hugging me from behind. "How you're holding up?"

I smiled. "I'm okay... just making us some coffee."

"It's like you read my mind girl...guess what I have for us." Sassi said sheepishly, holding up a white box smelling delicious and freshly baked.

I wide smile spread across my face. Sassi opened it slowly, revealing the pastry inside.

"Hmmm, chocolate croissants... Sassi you a saint." I said dreamily.

"Of course I am," she said smugly. "Come on! Let's stuff this in our faces until we get fat!"

I giggled, not complaining one bit.

We sat at the kitchen table with the chocolate croissants spread out.

"Oh yeah, I forgot..." Sassi said, walking out of the kitchen.

"What?" I called out to her.

She came back with a stack of mail in her hands. "You got mail. I picked it up along the way, like you asked me to." She said, handing it to me.

"Oh, thanks Sass." I said, taking the mail from her.

I browsed through the stack of leaflets, newsletters, and bills, but an odd letter stuck out.

It gave me goosebumps.

My address and name were written in none other than Dimitri's hand. A shiver ran down my spine and my heart sunk. Memories came trickling back of how we used to communicate while he was still an inmate, and it pained my heart to think of where we were now.

Sassi didn't pay attention, focusing on her coffee and croissant. I opened Dimitri's letter slowly, holding my breath in anticipation of what he had to say. For whatever impact I would have to embrace, I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. I opened my eyes and read.

Dearest Lillie,

Words can never express all the regret I've been feeling these past few days. You've shown me nothing but kindness and compassion since we met, and I acted recklessly without thinking about how my choices affect the people I love. I placed you in harm's way, and I could never forgive myself for that.

My past came back to haunt me and people I know caused damage. You're probably mad at me, and I deserve every ounce of your anger and disappointment.

I messed up.

I can't even find the right words to describe how disappointed I am in myself.

I know it's not much, but I included a check in the letter to cover the damage caused to your place.

I love you more than I could possibly love anything else in this world, even myself, but I want to keep you safe Lillie, and can't bear to see you unhappy because of my actions. When I met you, I promised myself that I would make you happy.

I failed. I failed both of us.

I'm sorry Lillie.

Yours always,

Dimitri

Tears were flowing steadily from my eyes. I swallowed hard. I hadn't heard Sassi calling out to me.

"Lil?... What's wrong?" she said.

My watering eyes slid to Sassi's concerned ones. She stopped eating and looked at me.

But I couldn't bring the words out, still processing Dimitri's words. I passed Sassi the letter with a shaky hand. She took it and read it, her eyes brows in a crease.

The tears spilled out of me as I cried for the umpteenth time. Sassi got up instantly and came around, embracing me in a hug. She was comforting my trembling body as best as she could, stroking my hair.

"He said h-h-he l-l-l-loves me..." I hiccupped, trying to gasp in breaths between sobs. I never heard Dimitri say those words to me, and it was too much to bear.

"I know, I know sweetie... sorry, Lil." Sassi said, her voice pained for me.

My puffy eyes looked up at Sassi. "I love him Sassi... I love Dimitri, too." And all the tears I had in me unleashed at the thought that I was in love with him.

After a good hour of me weeping. Sassi and I ended up in the living room, we both in a somber mood. I had little appetite after the letter, and I felt slightly guilty... so much for the croissants.

"This is BULLSHIT...Screw coffee!" Sassi huffed. "We need a real pick me up."

She left the living room, and I frowned in confusion, baffled by what Sassi was saying.

A few minutes later, Sassi reappeared with a huge bottle of gold in her left hand, wiggling it in my face.

"When life throws you lemons... bring on the tequila!" she sang, with two shot glasses between her fingers.

I couldn't help but smile. The sniffles suddenly stopped, too.

Well, this would definitely pick me right up, I thought. For tonight only, I'll drink my problems away.