《His Light, Her Darkness》Chapter 66: A Relief So Great
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I awake, drenched and in a pool of my own sweat. On the tip of my tongue remains the ghost of a scream.
I pant, trying to bring air back into my lungs. Breathe, just breathe. Why can't I breathe?
I let out a pained sob, and double over, coughing sporadically. Tears fall down my face without warning, and it feels as if I'm being consumed by darkness and grief.
It hurts so bad, and there's nothing I can do to numb the pain.
My father is dead.
I will no longer be able to smell his warm, homely scent, nor will I be able to be embraced by one of his bear hugs. I can no longer tell him that I love him or hear him say that he loves me too.
He's gone, and he's not coming back.
For real this time.
I found a way to live without my father when I was young, because I knew I would always hear his voice at the end of the day - But now...
Now he's dead.
"Why?" I cry.
The door to the bedroom opens abruptly, and a figure steps into the room, hurrying towards me. I instinctively shuffle away, until the figure moves closer and I gain a whiff of the familiar scent of Matteo.
That only makes me lose it even more. I can't seem to hold back, as it all hits me at once. Rising up my throat and clawing its way out. I feel like I'm puking it all out, and it hurts so bad. I feel like I'm dying.
My father is dead, and he's never coming back. I never got to say goodbye, I never got to tell him how much I appreciate him. Now I'll never get to, I'll never get to tell him just how much I love him.
"Mia, it's alright." Matteo's husky voice whispers. I feel him place a hand on my shoulder. It's meant to be soothing, but it's as if I can't feel him at all.
Nothing exists besides me and this grief - This overbearing feeling of devastation. Everything in my life has changed, for the worse.
Dad was my constant, he was my always. He was never going to leave me, because it was impossible. He was immortal - And I believed that. I believed he couldn't die, but it seems he is just human as I am. He was just as human.
"Why is this happening to me?" I sob, heaving in deep breaths.
Matteo's hand rubs circles on my back. "Just let it all out."
And I do.
I cry and cry and cry until my body is too exhausted, and even breathing seems to cause me pain.
I don't know how long Matteo sits beside me, comforting me, but it's had to have been at least an hour. He just sat beside me, no words exchanged. Just us, and my overwhelming sadness.
I begin to feel my eyes fall closed, and my body relaxes into the bed as I finally succumb to sleep. Though, when Matteo's comforting hand leaves my body as he stands, my hand instantly reaches out and grabs his wrist.
"Please," I whisper. "I don't want to be alone. Stay with me."
I can't see his face in the darkness, but his body doesn't move, and his head stares down at me, as if inspecting my every feature. And then he grabs my hand in his and squeezes it.
The bed dips as he takes a seat beside my body, and he places his hand once again on my back, rubbing in soothing motions once more. "Always." He whispers.
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I fall asleep with my hand in his.
***
When I woke up there was a sense of peace.
The room is filled with early morning light, streaming in from the tall windows opposite the bed. My body is n longer beneath the heavy duvet, but instead sprawled out on top of the sheets, each of my limbs lounging in different directions.
I lie on my stomach, and move to push myself up, when I notice my hand is being pulled loosely, hanging over the edge of the bed. I sigh and shuffle to the edge of the bed only to see the force pulling by hand down, is in fact another.
Matteo's hand is loosely linked with mine, as he lies on the floor, sleeping peacefully.
He stayed.
I take in a shuddering breath and rest my head back onto the fluffy pillow. My eyes are so sore and so is the rest of my body, as if I've run a marathon.
My mind is sore too. Swirling with thoughts which I can barely comprehend, going to fast for me to catch a glimpse of what they are about.
I'm angry and I'm sad and I'm confused and disorientated.
Why didn't Matteo tell me?
I feel something towards him, and it's so strong - But I don't know what it is. I want to hate everything about him. I hate the idea of him, I hate that I can't hate him. I hate that I have to convince myself to hate him.
I hate myself for not hating him.
He broke his promise. He hurt me, knowing what he was doing... But he said that he was going to tell me. I guess I'll never know now.
At least I know one thing for sure.
I hate Harry.
With every fibre within my body, I hate this man that I have never even met. I hate him in every single way possible, I hate him unreservedly. He is going to die. And I will be the one to kill him.
For my father.
Silent tears drop down my pillow as I think about him. His voice plays on my mind like a record player. I know that over time it will fade, and maybe I'll never remember what he sounded like, but for now, I have it. And I will cherish it for as long as I can.
It's when Matteo's hand squeezes mine, that I realize I never let him go.
His thumb rubs against my wrist softly, and I close my eyes, letting myself relax for just a little longer.
"How are you feeling?" His husky voice mumbles.
"Not good." I whisper, barely audible to even myself.
I don't want to think about all the terrible things in my life. I want to forget and run away, I just want to be normal. Just for a little while. I want to be a normal nineteen year old, not caring about anything but the unpredictable future ahead of me.
Even after everything that's happened, I would still leave everything - everyone for an opportunity like that. To escape, to rewind... If I was given the chance, I would take it in a heartbeat.
"Would you like to talk about it?" Matteo questions.
"No." I breathe.
"Okay."
We sit in silence for what feels like hours with our hands still interlocked. Only the sound of our breathing being heard. I feel like I'm floating upon some cloud raining down on me, while I watch from above as a spectator in blissful silence.
"Mia," Matteo waits for a response for me, and when I give him a small hum, he proceeds. "I have arranged for a doctors appointment for you."
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I let out a long sigh.
Reality is falling into place once again.
"They will be here at ten - In fifteen minutes."
I finally let go of his hand.
Sitting up, Matteo does the same. It's then that I notice he's shirtless and in nothing but some sweats.
"Would you like me to stay with you - When she's here?" He asks.
I look out the windows opposite me, into the beautiful garden beyond the thick walls. Flowers blossom from hedges, and in the farthest distance, I can see a large body of water - A lake.
"I - No." I reply, still staring at the window outside.
He stands, once again bringing my attention back to him. He stretches his back and his eyes fall onto me. "I'll let you get ready, and send her up to you."
"Okay." I say.
And then he leaves.
I move off of the bed and drift towards my suitcase which had been placed in the corner of the room. Unzipping it, I pull out a jumper and some shorts.
Once I'm changed, I brush my teeth and fix my hair before sitting down on the edge of the bed and waiting until I hear a soft knock on the door.
"Come in." I say.
The door opens and in comes a tall, slim lady dressed in a white coat, and beneath a black dress. She carries a large bag, which I suppose holds all her doctor gear.
"Hello Mia, my name is Sofia." She says sweetly, approaching me with a hesitant caution.
I wonder if Matteo told her about my father...
"Hi." I say.
She places her bag on the bed besides me, and opens it, pulling out things. "Is it alright if I take your blood pressure?" She asks.
"Do whatever you need to do." I say numbly.
I just want her to be quick. I don't want to have to wait, I just want to know now. I want to know what my future entails.
After taking my blood pressure, she takes my temperature and then checks my heart rate. "It seems that you have an elevated heart rate and temperature..." Sofia says.
"Does that mean I could be pregnant?" I ask.
"Maybe, though they can also mean a possibility of other things." She explains. "What other symptoms have you been experiencing?"
"I feel bloated, after meals. And I've been getting sick quite a lot. I've also been experiencing fatigue." I mumble.
"Alright," Sofia mutters. "Well, I've brought along a pregnancy test, so we can rule out that possibility, if it is something else." She dives into her bag and pulls out the test, handing it to me.
I take it from her with a shaking hand.
I shuffle towards the bathroom and lock the door behind me.
This is it...
I don't hesitate before doing what I need to do, and then taking a seat in the corner of the bathroom, with the test clutched tightly in my grip. I'm shaking like a madwoman, but all I can think about is what if-
What if I am pregnant? Would I really be able to get an abortion? Would I keep the child and live a life of potential misery?
Ten minutes passes by very slowly, and with each minute, I feel myself becoming more and more terrified.
I don't want to be a mother.
I stare at the test with such an intensity, that it might just break from my glare. However instead of that - It provides me with a result.
One line.
Negative.
I'm not pregnant.
I throw the test across the room and look up at the ceiling.
Tears fall from the corners of my eyes. Tears of relief.
I stay that way for a while until I'm interrupted by a soft knock. "Mia? Is everything alright? Have you received the result yet?"
I stand and somehow manage to make it to the door, opening it. Sofia stands there, her face anxious and worried. "It's negative." I say.
She nods her head, and purses her lips. "Alright, well I've been reading over your file and I read that you suffered from Encephalitis due to a viral infection. I'll need to run a blood test, but I suspect that the infection may have returned, and caused your symptoms." She tells me.
I nod my head, and let her do the blood test.
Within half an hour, she's done and packs up her things. "I'll contact you by the end of the day about the results, and then we can go from there." Sofia says with a sweet smile.
I give her the best smile that I can, though I suspect it looks slightly pained. "Thank you." My words are genuine.
"I wish you all the best, Mia. Whatever you're going through, will pass." And with that she leaves.
I sit on the bed until I feel my legs go numb.
***
After half an hour, I decide that I'm too hungry to ignore the pains within my stomach, and so I head for my door. I notice a bowl of pasta lying on a desk, and I grab it before leaving the room.
I don't know where the kitchen is, but I follow where the hall takes me, hearing voices coming from the entryway.
The voices become louder the closer I get to the staircase, and finally when I'm at the top, I can see multiple figures down below.
It looks like five guards, though I can tell there's more that I can't see.
"We're unsure of where he came from, but the perimeter is currently being checked to ensure that no one else enters the premises." An unfamiliar voice says.
"This shouldn't have happened in the first place damnit!" A voice yells, and I instantly recognise it to be Matteo's fathers.
"Sir, I assure you, that this will not happen again, and the situation will be dealt with appropriately."
"Fuck, I always knew my sons men were hopeless but I didn't think you were this stupid!" His father yells once more. I flinch at the harshness of his tone.
I take a few more hesitant steps towards the staircase, and begin to descend, in hopes I'll be able to see a bit more of what's happening. And I do.
The men surround a figure which is hunched over, kneeling on the cold marble floor. Their blood is smeared across the surface, contrasting the clean interior. "I want him sent to the stables. I want you to find out who the fuck he is, and what he's doing on my property. Are you capable of doing that?" Matteo's father asks in a mocking tone.
"Yes sir."
I take another step down the stairs to get a better look.
Unfortunately for me, Matteo's father sees me.
"What do you want?" He snaps.
All eyes turn to me, including the prisoners.
I drop the bowl of pasta and it shatters on the floor.
Scott.
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