The world is nothing but a foggy, loud and chaotic mess.

And I'm in the thick of it.

My head pounds and the sound of chattering voices penetrates my skull like a blade digging into my temples. My eyes are heavy, but somehow I manage to push past the pain and open them.

Everything is bright, and a headache instantly forms in the back of my head. I blink away the blurriness and find myself lying in a pile of hay. Men stand over my body, however their attention isn't on me, but the commotion going on beside me.

I turn my head to the left, catching a glimpse of a figure slouched, their back against the wood panelled wall. There's a man beside them, but I can't seem to make anything else out as a hand gently moves my head so that I'm once again staring at the ceiling.

And then their face comes into view.

Matteo.

"Just look at me." He whispers, his hands cupping my chin.

I furrow my brows, trying to regain myself and my memories. What am I doing here?

I try to open my mouth and speak, but nothing seems to come out besides a shredding pain. I groan and my body tenses, I bring my hand to my neck, but Matteo quickly moves to stop me.

"Everything is going to be fine." He says, and I believe him. His words send warmth throughout my body, the feeling of safety and belonging.

I try to turn my head back to where all the commotion is coming from, as everything becomes louder, including the ringing within my ears - But Matteo is quick to stop me once more.

"Just look at me - Don't look at them."

I try to nod, but it hurts too much.

So instead I stare into the midnight pools of Matteo's eyes. They sparkle like stars in the night sky, beautiful and rare - I could stare at them for days and not get sick of looking into them. I could get lost in them.

He gives me a kind smile.

He looks pained, and I just want to hug him.

"He's dead." I hear a voice declare.

Dead? Who-

I gasp in a breath of air and instantly shoot up despite the immense amount of pain that it causes me. The blood rushes to my head and I become dizzy for a split second before my eyes fall upon the slouched figure.

Scott.

His body is lifeless. His skin is a ghostly white compared to its usual tan, slowly becoming paler and paler. His eyes are closed, and still tears stain his once rosy cheeks. His face is scrunched in a pained expression of discomfort and it looks as though he could still be sleeping, in the midst of a very disturbing nightmare.

My eyes fall down to his chest, where right in the centre is a round and clean bullet hole. His clothes are stained a dark crimson that bleeds out, consuming everything in its wake.

Scott's dead.

He tried to kill me.

As much as I hate it, the first thing that I feel is utterly consuming relief. I'm not dead. I'm still breathing and thinking... I'm still alive.

And then I feel betrayal, hurt and anger. I had felt something towards Scott - It may have not been love, but I had grown to care for him in some way.

And lastly, there was only guilt. Not for my actions, but for the relation I have to such an unforgiving and horrible person - Harry.

Now Scott is dead, and it's because of him. Not only has Harry killed my father, but he has also killed Scott.

I take in a breath and scurry away from the body, standing on my shaky legs.

I wipe away tears which leak from the corners of my eyes.

I've never seen a dead body before. I hoped that I never would. It's strange and confusing. That someone who was alive, breathing and talking just moments ago, can no longer do any of those things.

They are just a shell. An empty shell.

I choke back a sob and back into a firm surface. I don't need to turn around to know who it is.

Matteo's arms wrap around me, and pull me into his chest. I don't fight him, and only melt into his warmth. I sob like a child into his shirt and clutch onto him for dear life.

So many things are running through my mind - So many thoughts. I can no longer distinguish between right and wrong and how I should and shouldn't be feeling.

All I know for sure is that being in Matteo's arms feels right.

And I don't want anyone else to tell me otherwise.

His hand runs up and down my back and he whispers words of comfort into my ear.

"Lets go inside." He mumbles, and I let him guide me from the stables. Through the garden and back into the house.

It's all a messy blur, but somehow I find myself in my bed, beneath the heavy layer of duvet. Matteo stands above me, running his thumb over the side of my face.

I close my eyes and imagine myself somewhere else - Anywhere else.

I've lost two people within the past twenty-four hours.

How many more people will I lose within the next?

***

I woke up an hour ago.

Now I'm in the bathroom staring at the dark purple bruises that form ugly handprints around my neck. The splotches are dark and inconsistent, and absolutely unmissable. Anyone would be able to see them from a mile away, and they paint my skin like some sort of sick artwork.

Scott may have committed the act - But it was Harry who commissioned it. Harry did this to me, for the price of a man's life.

That will forever weigh on me, like a sash weight, pulling me down.

I trace my fingers along the bruise and wince at the dull ache.

It doesn't hurt much now. Not as much as the pain of loss - That still stings more than anything I could ever compare it to.

I stare into my eyes and notice the lifeless grey they seem to have become. Beneath them and large dark circles which don't do justice illustrating just how exhausted I am. Now when I look at myself in the mirror, I can finally see the sickly looking girl everyone has been seeing for the past few weeks.

I no longer look like what I once did. And I don't think I ever will again.

A knock at the bathroom door pulls me from my thoughts, and I walk over, opening it.

Matteo stands there, his hands in his pockets and dressed in casual clothes - A pair of jeans and a grey V-neck.

His face is solemn as he stares down at me, seemingly examining the bruise that I was just seconds ago. That's when he pulls out something from his pocket. "This will help with the bruising." He says.

I stare at the small vial he has in his hands and take it from him. "Thank you." I croak quietly - my voice still sore.

I walk over to the mirror and place some of the cream onto my fingers before beginning to rub it gently onto my neck. I flinch at the pain, but bite back any emotion which dares try to display itself on my face.

Matteo stands quietly in the doorframe, watching me as the seconds turn into minutes.

Once I'm finished with the cream, I screw the lid back on and go to hand it back to Matteo.

As I do, he reaches and grabs my hand gently, turning it over to where I see another almost black bruise.

Leading me to my bed, Matteo takes a seat and pats the spot beside him.

I take a seat and watch as he opens the vial and pours some of the cream onto the tip of his fingers. After that, he reaches for my bruised hand, and I let him take it. He then begins to massage the cream onto my wrist in a soothing manner, his soft skin gliding over mine with ease.

I feel sparks of electricity at the small gesture, and I reprimand myself for feeling anything other than sadness.

I shouldn't be feeling anything other than sadness.

"Do you think once this all ends... We'll be happy?" I whisper, looking at Matteo's face.

He doesn't seem to show off anything, his face remaining just as stoic as usual.

"I don't know." Mateo answers truthfully.

"I want to be happy." I say, not expecting Matteo to say anything I return.

"I want you to be happy too." He breathes.

His eyes bore into mine, and it's as if nothing else in the world exists. Just the two of us in our own blissful world where nothing else matters, and I don't have to worry about all the other things in my life which are causing me strife and pain.

I feel lost in his gaze - I am lost in his gaze. But I'm okay with that right now.

Right now, being lost is so much better than anywhere else.

I shift towards Matteo until our lips are just inches apart.

And then I kiss him.

It's as if a fire ignites within me as our lips touch, and it burns away all the pain and the guilt buried deep within me. Now I can only feel the feeling on his smooth lips pressed against mine, and it feels amazing.

Matteo's hands move up and take my face in them, holding onto me as if I'm the only thing that exists.

My hands reach up and grasp around his neck, pulling him closer.

I want to feel all of him, I want him to know just how much I want him. Because I want him so fucking bad. And I'm done pretending like I can stop myself from falling for him.

Because I already have. I've already fallen, and I don't give a fuck.

The kiss becomes deeper as Matteo bites on my lower lip and I gasp, opening my mouth and allowing him entrance. His tongue grazes along my own, and despite this, I still feel like we're not close enough.

I pull Matteo down onto the mattress and roll over onto my back. He adjusts so that he's on top of me, being careful not to crush me beneath him.

My fingers run through his thick hair, tugging at the strands, trying to bring him closer to me.

"Matteo," I whisper as we pull apart to take heaving breaths.

He hums as he twirls a strand of my hair around his finger, only ever looking into my eyes, just as I do.

"I don't want to wait to be happy." I sigh. "I want to be happy now, because I don't know if I'll be able to be happy ever again."

Matteo smiles at me. "You can be happy whenever you want." He leans back down and places a soft kiss against my lips. "Don't wait for it - or think you're undeserving. Because you deserve every bit of happiness in the world."

I can't help but smile at his words.

I think that I'm happy right now.

I pull Matteo down so that he is no longer on top of me, but rather beside me. I turn my head to the side and he does the same as we stare at each other - Both with childish grins across our faces.

I move my hand and find his, interlacing our fingers.

"You deserve happiness too." I say.

Matteo's face falters and then frowns slightly. "I don't." He whispers too quietly.

I squeeze his hand more. "You do." I persist.

He shakes his head. "I don't deserve it, Mia. Everyday I think about what I've put you through and I can't even forgive myself. How do I deserve happiness when I myself know I don't?"

I purse my lips. "You did what you did Matteo. It happened, and while neither of us can forget or deny it, you have acknowledged what you have done, and you have done everything to become a better person. And I appreciate that.

"You deserve happiness Matteo." I say once again.

Matteo continues to stare at me with an indistinguishable emotion. "Maybe." He says - Though he still doesn't sound convinced.

The silence on the room feel nice as we do nothing but listen to the steady heart beat of each other's hearts.

"If nothing else in the world can bring us happiness, at least we can for each other right now." I whisper.

-----------------------------------------------------