Lounging in bed was a plus when Lucas was there. His big body emitted warmth and his big arms wrapped around me made me feel as comfy as on a Christmas morning when sipping hot chocolate in my hideous Christmas onesie. This little peaceful moment couldn't last forever though. My stomach grumbled, my cheeks heating up so bad with embarrassment. Lucas' grip on me tightened, his laughter making my body shake as well. He kissed me a few times on my hair.

"We should have dinner."

I snuggled closer to him, "Yes, I made you a freaking lemon chicken which will blow your mind. Not to mention pumpkin soup which is to die for."

"I'm in the mood for some soup."

He rolled on top of me, his eyes alight with warmth and something else. I didn't dare to go there, it was too early. It could be something my mind made up due to the lovemaking. Lucas leaned down and captured my lips for a kiss. It was gentle and soft and made me feel things I wasn't supposed to right now. A brain dazed by too many emotions at once.

"I want some soup too," I admitted when Lucas pulled away.

Lucas brushed his fingers over my cheek, a soft touch which I barely felt. The way you'd gently touch the little hand of a newborn baby. With a bright smile, he rolled away from me, leaned over the bed and grabbed his boxers. Grey colored which fitted snug around his hips. He hid himself from me which was a good thing. Desire was already pooling in my stomach again. I needed to escape it. Pumpkin soup needed to warm me from the inside out.

"I'll take care of it." He told me, "I'll be right back."

He walked around the bed, leaned closer and pressed another kiss to my head. He was so affectionate with me it almost hurt. I didn't want him to go which was silly. I smiled at him in reassurance and watched him leave the bedroom. I took a minute to stare at the ceiling, thinking about the words I was going to say. It would ruin this moment. The blanket of warmth and security would get ripped away from me. When that happened I didn't want to be naked. I sat up, my hair a tangled mess. I ran my fingers through my hair to fix it as much as I could. I then left the bed, the cold hair making me shiver. With careful steps, I approached my closet and grabbed my favorite robe. I had two, one fluffy one which was comfy especially on days I had my period and I felt like dying. Then there was the robe which made me feel gorgeous. A deep red color, silk and smooth. I grabbed it and slipped it on, tying it loosely around my waist.

Dress to seduce.

Stepping before the tall mirror I fixed my hair, wiping away the black smudges of my mascara and eyeliner. It made it a little better but Lucas already saw me when I had raccoon eyes. I collected his clothes off the floor and neatly placed them on the chair by the tall mirror. I made the bed, not wanting to think about the mess. I sat on top of the sheets and greeted Lucas who came back carrying two bowls of delicious soup with a smile.

"You look gorgeous."

He handed me my bowl, it was warm but I could still hold it. Lucas helped me prop up the pillows against the headboard. We sat side by side, holding warm bowls of soup. I grabbed my spoon and started with the soup.

"You are right, this is delicious."

I smiled as I took another spoonful of orange deliciousness, "You should try the lemon chicken."

"I put that in the fridge, along with the rest of the food you made."

I glanced at him, "You are amazing."

He responded with a grin, "Only compliments are shared between us after that."

"There won't be any more compliments after I talk to you about something which bothered me for a little while. I tried to come up with a solution on my own since I'm an adult and I need to handle this on my own. But I can't. I'm not a good liar nor am I skilled at manipulating people. I'm just me, a little insecure sometimes and very awkward most of the time-"

Lucas placed his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it tightly, "Take a deep breath, Nina." He told me with kindness in his voice, "It's okay, you can tell me."

I took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eyes, "I quit my job."

"Okay." He didn't sound upset.

"I quit my job because Jacob and I we have this attraction between us." I stared down at my bowl, the orange soup now looking like drab, "I know that it would destroy my life if I ever felt tempted to give in so I quit my job."

Lucas sighed, shifting beside me but not pulling away, "You've told me about this attraction, I know it's there. But it still feels rough knowing you feel this way about another man."

"I would never go there." I promised him, "This is what I want." I gestured between us, "I know it's cliché and all but I don't feel the same way about him as I feel about you. I don't envision this future between us where everything is warm with a golden glow and we smile until our faces crack."

He chuckled, "You sure make it sound lovely."

"Jacob accepted my resignation but he made me a promise or maybe he made a threat. I'm not sure."

Something darkened. Lucas posture changed, the look in his eyes got darker but not in a good way. It was the look of someone who knew he needed to put his shield up to protect the ones they loved.

I went there.

I told myself not to yet I did it anyway. Wishing for things which were probably not true.

"What did he say?" Lucas asked tightly.

I gulped, tearing my gaze away from him because the emotions were overflowing.

"He said a lot but the conclusion was that even though I have a boyfriend I'll end up in his bed."

"Excuse me?"

I nodded, my voice cracking, "I know. It's like ridiculous and I told him that then I walked away like always. That's what I do when it comes to that man, walking away and trying not to look back. But his words haunt me and I feel like I'm freaking crazy."

"I'm going to talk to him." Lucas now sounded pissed.

I looked at him and saw how pissed he was. He looked ready to put on his clothes and look for the devil himself to tear him a new one. I couldn't let him do it. I grabbed his arm and pulled, trying to keep him rooted. I knew Lucas could pull away. He was a bear compared to me.

"You can't," I whispered.

"Why not?" He demanded to know, "He is trying to get in your head and you're freaking out over this. Isn't it in my right to fucking punch him in the face for making you feel like this?"

I shook my head, "You don't understand." I whispered, "His relationship with my parents, the business side of things." I mumbled, "You can't punch him in the face. Nick already offered but we both knew that it couldn't happen."

Lucas scoffed, "That's the problem with you people, solving your problems like this is some TV show. Where every move has to be a political one. You can't just flat out say fuck you and punch him in the face."

"I know it's frustrating but that's how it works in our world." I tell him, "You can't say fuck you and punch someone in the face. It has to be more subtle than that. A silent war with careful strategic moves, hoping to overthrow someone."

"Don't you hear how fucked up that is?" He asked.

"I'm aware but that's how it is." I moved my spoon around the orange drab which had cooled down and didn't look delicious anymore. Now it felt like food I had to force down my throat in sake of stilling my hunger, "You should know since you are familiar with this world."

"Yes, that's why try to stay out of it."

I tightened my grip on my spoon, "Do you want an out?" I asked him, "I get it if you do."

"Fuck's sake." He muttered.

I closed my eyes tightly and swallowed painfully. Right about now I wished I had put on my fluffy robe. I needed it to feel secure, to feel more alive. Yet I wore a flimsy thing which didn't provide me with much. It bared me more than I wanted to at the moment.

"You think I want an out after the shit you already told me? I knew how you felt about this guy because you told me. You were honest with me from the start. Do you know how many women are like that?" He asked me.

I shook my head.

"You're the first who has been honest with me from the start. What we just did, it felt intense and good. It felt right. Do you think I want to leave that behind?" He asked, not waiting for an answer.

He never waited. He kept talking, not letting me tell him that I half told him the truth. I wasn't completely honest with him from the start because I knew he'd walk away. Right now I wanted to tell him, give him the out he deserved but he wouldn't let me.

"Whatever this is, whatever you need to do. I'm there with you, Nina." He grabbed my chin and made me look at him, "I'm there with you." He repeated.

It was beautiful, it was pure and it was something I didn't deserve. I put my bowl on the nightstand and reached for him, hugging him tightly. He put the bowl aside as well, carefully while he held me in his strong arms. I cried, tears streaming down my face as if it would never end. I thought it a lot but tonight I knew for sure.

I didn't deserve him.