As I sit on the sandy, dusty gravel by my mothers grave, I can't help but wonder if this is really the place she wanted to be buried.

She always talked about how much she loved the smell of fresh grass. We visited her home town back in Pennsylvania plenty of times to see family, and she would always be in awe of the farmland.

Arizona is the complete opposite of what she loved. If it weren't for my dads job transfer I would have been born in Pennsylvania. I'm certain of that. She never said she hated it here, but she always complained about the heat.

Resting my elbows on top of my knees, I hang my head between them and let out a deep breath.

Usually this spot brings me peace. I can come here and talk to her and just vent out all of my problems, but a part of me wonders if she'd be mad at me for what I'm doing with Maddie.

She always spoke so highly of her. Always thought she was the sweetest girl, and she is, I just wonder if she'd be mad about what we're exactly doing.

And what are we exactly doing? I mean, maybe my dad is right. Maybe I'm an idiot for fooling around with her, but tonight in my bedroom wasn't just fooling around. It was... real. Genuine.

And why the hell did my dad ever come back to begin with? He can't just show up and act like he's this great father anymore. After mom passed he became a dick. He became someone I don't even know anymore.

"Fuck." I mutter and run my hands through my hair out of frustration. "I miss you, mom."

Biting hard on my bottom lip, I try to keep the tears inside but I can't. She would know just what to say. She would know exactly the right thing to do.

The cancer attacked her quickly, and I find myself constantly thinking of new questions that I should have asked her before she died.

For example, what do I do when I think I might be in love with my best friends sister?

Am I ruining my chances at getting into school? Am I letting Maddie get into my head?

No.

I played the best game of my life when she was there. She seems to be exactly what I need.

I hear a pair of shoes crunch onto the rocks behind me, but I don't have the energy to even look who it is. I'm still crying, and I don't want anyone seeing me like this.

"Figured you'd be here." Ethan sinks down beside me and places a hand on my shoulder. He doesn't try to pry, he doesn't interrupt, he just sits with me and waits it out.

I cry harder though because what I'm doing to him isn't okay. I'm lying to my best friend, and he's been nothing but a brother to me. He's been there for me through everything, and how am I repaying him? Screwing around with his little sister?

I miss my mom, I hate my dad, I feel so alone, and I'm starting to have legitimate feelings for a girl I have to stay away from.

After five minutes or so I start to calm down, letting out a final sigh as I wipe away the rest of my tears with the back of my sleeve.

"Sorry." I mutter. "My dad's just a dick."

"No need to apologize." He replies. "Maddie came home and said she saw his car in the driveway on her way back from Maya's. You weren't answering your phone, so I pieced two and two together and my mom made your favorite in preparation. Chicken noodle soup."

A smile falls onto my face as I stand up from the ground. We've been in this situation plenty of times before, and each and every time his mom always come through for me with that damn soup.

It really does make me feel better.

I'm not one to hug or get sappy with anyone, so instead I show my appreciation by slapping him gently on the back, allowing him to lead the way back to our cars.

————-

"Oh, honey." Mary embraces me as soon as she sees me step through the door, and my heart becomes a little heavier. I love this woman so much. She truly is the angel that watches over me for my mom. "Come on, I've got the soup waiting for you."

Ushering me into the kitchen, I inhale the sweet smell of the brewing pot, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks. My eyes feel swollen from all of the crying, and as soon as I lay eyes on Maddie I immediately remember what happened tonight.

My father caught us.

Together.

In bed.

Fuck.

It finally hits me that I'm really not sure if my dad called her dad to tell him. I'm not sure if he ratted us out, but judging by Mary and Ethan's reaction towards me he hasn't said a word.

Maddie's gaze softens as she does a once over of me, and it's bothering me that I can't just go over there and hug her. I feel so bad about what happened earlier tonight. I know she must be embarrassed, and there's nothing I'd rather do than lay in bed with her all night long. It'd certainly make me feel a hell of a lot better than I do now.

"...And I just knew he was going to do something stupid." Mary scoffs as she pours another spoonful into a bowl. "So I went to the store and got to cooking for you. I don't care if it's late."

"Thanks Mary." I say as she passes me the bowl, the warmth feeling so good on my hands. "I really needed this."

"He's just going through something." She reassures. It's been years of her saying this, and if he was truly just going through something then I think he would have gotten over it by now.

Rather than argue with her I just meekly nod my head, groaning when the hot liquid travels down my throat.

Damn, this tastes good.

I watch as Maddie pours herself a bowl too, and I admire how graceful she does it. She's beautiful, and funny, and smart, and everything I've probably ever wanted and more.

Why am I letting my dad get into my head? If I like her then I should tell her, right? Screw what he thinks. This is a good thing that we've got going on, and if my mom were here she'd be overjoyed that it's Maddie. Hell, I should be overjoyed she ever gave me a chance in the first place.

As Ethan and Maddie go back and forth about which television show is their favorite and Mary cleans the dishes, I can't help but smile down into my bowl of soup.

If I can't ever have my family back together again, then I sure as hell can create a new one.