Six years ago

We spent that night in the motel and then moved to Ryan's friend's house in the morning. He lived in a neighbouring town, in a small house of two floors. He was quite older than Ryan but I was grateful of him for providing us shelter.

Being with Ryan made me happy and excited, his kissed made me feel alive. We spent the nights making love to each other, lost in each other's bodies, forgetting every other probelm. But whenever Aaron's face would cross my thoughts, all the positivity would leave my mind, leaving behind bitterness. We never talked about what we did because but it lingered there, with us, the elephant in the room.

For the first month, everything was fine but then the financial crisis started to affect our life. His father had frozen all his credit cards and he was struggling with two jobs at a time. For me, finding a good job without a college degree was really hard and after trying too hard for almost three weeks, I got accepted as a waitress in a local cafe.

Happily, I made my way back to the house. In the living room, my eyes fell on Kevin, the owner of the house and he offered me a small nod. Ryan was already back from the garage and the smell of cars and fuel was spreaded all over the room.

"Hey, guess what?" I excitedly walled towards him and hugged his torso from behind.

"I don't have time for these stupidities Clara, I haven't slept for the last thirty six hours." he fumed at me, his grey eyes throwing daggers.

I flinched due to his hard tone at first because he never talked like that before. I guess I knew the reason. He had dark circles under his eyes for working too hard and his cheeks looked hollow. For someone used to living such luxurious lifestyle, settling in this place proved harder for him. I was the same but somehow, the guilt of leaving Aaron was a greater issue than the unavailability of food or not having enough money.

"I.. I got a job." I whispered but his expression didn't soften a bit. "As a waitress." I continued.

"Wow, a waitress job. Now I can die in peace." his voice was taunting, so was his facial expression.

"I am trying Ryan." I retorted back, clenching my jaw. "You aren't the only one going through this."

"Well try harder, princess." he almost spat and then walked past me.

When I turned around, I found Kevin staring at Ryan's retreating figure and then his eyes shifted towards me. He passed me an assuring smile and I returned it with a feeble one.

...

Another week passed just like that. I started the job at the Cinnamon cafe. The job made me realise how spoilt I really was. In the first week, I had received multiple ultimatums from the old woman who owned the cafe. I spilled coffee on almost three customers, broke many cups, lost balance and spilled hot sauce on a woman and last but not the least, came to work drunk one morning and got into a fight. The last one caused my firing from the cafe.

When I returned to the house, Ryan was already on a sour mood. On asking about what happened, he told me how his shitty boss insulted him in front of everyone for making a small mistake. "For God's sake, my father is a businessman. And he wants me to serve food to a bunch of third class workers." he roared, pouring alcohol in a glass.

I shouldn't have told him. I should have given him some time but I don't know what came over me and I said, "I got fired."

His face contorted in a weird way and he threw the glass in his hand away. "You got fired?" he asked again, his jaw ticking.

"Yeah. I got into a fight and..."

"Are you fucking mad Clara? For once, stop being a self-centered bitch and beg them to give you the job back." he glowered at me.

"Ryan! You can't talk to me like that." I gulped, a nervous feeling settled in my stomach. "I am not begging anyone." I said like a final statement.

He groaned in a low voice, running his hand through his hair angrily. "Fucking hell Clara. I swear you can be so full of shit sometimes." he said and then stormed out of the room.

...

We didn't fight for the whole next month, because we didn't even talk. I spent days trying to find another job and then got appointed as a waitress again in a local restaurant. The owner Robert was a retired uniformed officer and he was a really tough nut to crack. I knew that one mistake and he would throw me out of the restaurant himself.

I did double shifts. I would return to the home lat at night. Mostly, I would find Ryan sleeping or drinking. Sometimes we would talk briefly like how was your day or what did you do today. But I could see the loss of interest in his eyes.

We didn't sleep together for almost two weeks, partly because we didn't have time and partly because neither of us initiate. I remember one night when we were lying face to face and I lenaed forwards to kiss him. He ducked away and turned around, saying he was tired for earning for both of us.

I missed my parents sometimes. I wished I could call them one day but I didn't have courage. I have no idea if the transfer of money happened or lot. For all I knew, they could be homeless by now and I would be held responsible for that. I was better off without talking to them because it would just add to my miseries.

...

Almost three months after leaving my old life, I was coming home from work one night. The restaurant was really crowded that day and I have worked really hard, just so I could earn some extra money for a new dress.

Ryan's birthday was tomorrow and I wanted to surprise him by dressing up like old Clara. In the last few months, my hair had lost all the shine because of not using the expensive serums and conditioner. For clothes, I had bought some old, cheap jeans and tops from flee Market when I moved here. So I don't look the best and probably, it was the reason Ryan lost all the interest in me.

While going into my room, I came across Kevin first and he acted a bit unusual. After saying Good Night to him, I trudged towards our room. Ryan must be really tired by now for working from dawn to dusk.

As I entered the room, a weird silence greeted me. There was something missing from the room, other than Ryan who is usually home by this time. Deciding to call him later, I ambled towards the bathroom but stopped when I realised something.

His bag was missing, the travel bag that has all his belongings arranged inside. Heaviness settled inside the pit of my stomach and I ran towards rhe cupboard, opening it only to reveal his side vacant, all his clothes missing.

"No, no, no." I said frantically, searching for my phone. With trembling hands, I dialed his number but the phone rang from inside the room. Tears pricked my eyeball as I rushed towards the source of the voice, which was the dressing table.

By his mobile, a small post-it note was placed which had something scribbled over it in his hand writing.

"I am sorry Clara. I can't do it anymore. I have left some money under the mattress. I hope it will be enough for a month or two."

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