Rachel's POV

My fingers were playing with the neglected wet curls at the back of Alexander's head as his hands caressed my back. It was a heavenly bath that we've both been relaxing inside for an hour, the water still surprisingly lovely and warm.

I straddled Alexander while he laid on his back observing me with his beautiful, rich, teal eyes. It was a comfortable silence that was surrounding us, only the little splashes of the water with the vanilla scent of the bubble bath disturbing the tranquillity.

"Maybe I should start seeing your therapist too," I said mindlessly with my gaze on the water and my mind deep in thought.

Alexander took a few minutes to respond, I was beginning to see a change in him for the better. He always thought before he spoke and considered his tone. The other night I was with him in his study and he had his YouTube tab open. Multiple videos of how to be a better husband, how to learn from the past and the art of letting go were all listed in his history.

My heart soared with admiration for him. I couldn't be prouder of the man I was married to.

"Why, princess?"

Looking up at Alexander's curious face, I stared at him for a bit thinking about why I even said that out loud. I simply decided to be honest with him.

"I preach to you about getting your shit sorted out and here I am trying to always push away my true feelings when it comes to Carina and everything that's got to do with her. A small mention of her and my brain doesn't turn off the reminder. My hatred for her is on another level and I'm scared that it's going to make me bitter."

Alexander brought his hand up to my cheek and wiped the stray tear that fell.

"I'm sorry, I'm such a hypocrite," I cried out in shame and hid my face from his sight.

He shook his head at me and whispered sweet words to me as he pulled me closer, assuring me that I'm still a beautiful person inside and out. I hardly felt it though. All I felt was an unexplainable phenomenon that itched to make Carina feel the same pain I had felt for 19 years. To make her suffer and beg for relief. I was so horrible. I was an ugly person for this.

"I want whatever is healthy for you, Rachel. If you really want to receive help like I am, then just say the word. But of course a different therapist. Conflict of interest and so on.."

My face scrunched up in a sobbing wreck as I looked at the man in front of me. These insecurities of feeling like I didn't deserve all of what he was giving me ate me apart. Alexander was doing everything for me, everything upon my request. I simply had to mention anything that I wanted and he would practically serve it to me on a gold plate.

"Oh, Alexander..." I wrapped my arms around him tightly and buried my face in his neck. Our naked bodies pressing against every inch of each other. Thinking back to our first meeting seems like a century ago. This man was my everything now. My life would never be fulfilling without him.

"Shh... It's alright baby. You're good, you're all good," he cooed and rubbed my back while I held onto him for dear life.

After a few moments he tensed up not moving in my embrace. His breathing was getting heavier. Pulling back I looked at his face curiously. "What's wrong?"

Alexander had a pained expression morphing his face. "Well, you know, princess. I'm a man. And I'm trying to be there for you in this difficult moment that you are experiencing. But at times, my dick likes to do it's own thing."

Cutting me out of my morbid thoughts, I lightly laughed at him. Bringing my face forward to his I connected our lips slowly at first thereafter increasing my pace. I kissed Alexander so very deeply. I was pouring out all my feelings for him in that simple action. Showing him how much he meant to me.

His big hands made their way to my breasts, kneading the skin lightly. My whole body was so sensitive and yearning for him to be inside me. Alexander's lips made it's way down assaulting my neck harshly. The harsh that we both loved.

My hand went down into the water grabbing his already strained manhood that I could feel pressed up against me all along. I stroked torturously slow since I was enjoying the intimate feeling of simply touching him... simply feeling him.

"Oh goodness," I softly moaned when he took my nipple into his mouth and sucked aggressively. The sensations he caused were unfathomable. He made my body do all sorts of things that I had no control over.

Raising myself up a little on my knees, I gently lowered myself onto him to which we both groaned loudly. He fit so perfectly inside me. Stretching me out just right, hitting me so deep. I took the lead of hoisting myself up and down onto him doing most of the work.

He deserved it. He deserved all of it from me.

"Yes, Rachel. Yes princess. So perfect. You're so perfect, so beautiful," he groaned out achingly with his eyes intently focused on me. Undoubtedly the tension between us was much more palpable this time around.

My insides were about to explode, the tightening in my stomach was on the verge of breaking. My knees were so sore rubbing against the bathtub and unfortunately my legs gave out unwillingly. I sank deep into Alexander whimpering like a child when I couldn't feel my legs again.

Alexander took the opportunity to thrust his hips into me so unexplainably fast. He pumped absolutely brutally inside me but I couldn't help but want more and more of him.

Water was landing all over the floor and our breathy moans combined was the sweetest melody I had ever heard. My hair had opened from the messy top knot I had it in and fell down to my waist getting the ends of my curls wet.

"I'm coming, Alexander. Oh god, you're going to break me," I cried out and tightly gripped the edges of the bathtub while Alexander gripped my waist in his own ecstasy.

"Come, princess, come all over me," he also howled out and rolled his head back against the tub closing his eyes relishing the sweet moment.

I immediately shuddered and let go of the intensity that was built up in the pit of my core, coming all over my husband. Gasping loudly at the earth-shattering orgasm I had just experienced when Alexander also released inside of me with a deep, guttural moan.

We stayed still connected while we came down from out high. Alexander finally opened his eyes and looked at me with the softest and warmest gaze.

My face contorted at the brink of all the overwhelming emotions, and I bit my lip to stop myself. Alexander's eyes widened and he sat up a bit straighter alarmed at my expression.

I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't help but let those emotions overpower me.

Even after our wonderful love making, the previous feelings resurfaced and fresh, hot tears escaped only this time they were much more.

I wailed and threw myself into his embrace crying on him. He held me tightly as best as he could.

I cried for a hiding the pain that I had buried deep inside of me for such a long time.

I cried thinking about where I'd be right now without Alexander.

I cried imagining what my life could have been with loving parents.

I cried thinking about how I didn't deserve what Alexander was giving me.

I cried for wanting the woman who was my mother to experience the pain that I did.

And most of all, I cried for loving a man who probably won't ever love me back.