After the wedding night, I woke up and realized my head is resting on something warm. On someone's chest. I could hear Rafael breathing calmly right next to me.

When he was sleeping he looked kind of cute. Not dangerous at all.

We clearly forgot ourselves at the wedding night. I could barely remember what happened after we went to his bedroom.

I'm an idiot, okay?

But it was just a mistake. One-night stand. Forgettable. Erasable. Actually never really happened.

I got up and started collecting my clothes from the floor. Shame. I tried to recall what exactly we were doing that now and my mind just went blank.

We had a beautiful wedding reception. After the fiasco with uncle Harvey I thought this day will be ruined for me but no. We were dancing all night, drinking, laughing, and Rafael for once looked relax and happy that night. It was impossible to not fell in love with his beautiful brown eyes when he was smiling.

And now... now I was in his bedroom and he was asleep. Completely unguarded. I could admire his muscular body, thankfully bedsheets were not doing a good job at covering him. Gosh, I need to stop staring.

I was a mess. My hair was messy and for fuck sake I was naked. That was a great argument to put on my clothes in record time and running away towards my bedroom.

With one thing in mind: forget this ever happened.

🔆 🔆

"Pregnant," I repeated after Alex.

"Congratulations"

It happened on our wedding night. I was sure of it. I remember that day I was drinking like crazy, Rafael was drunk as well. I remember how we were going upstairs and how when it was time to the part I wouldn't let go of his hand.

The only problem is that I forgot what we did. I spent hours trying to remember exactly what happened and everything was blurred out. But I remember enjoying Rafael's company a little too much. Why, why did I have to drink so much? Does Rafael remember anything? It's not like I can ask him.

Holy shit I am pregnant with Rafael's Vincenti offspring. No, this can't be happening. Absolutely not.

In a few months, our "relationship" will be over and I will never see Rafael again. That was the plan, no, that is the plan.

I must stick to the plan.

I cannot predict how Rafael would react if he finds out.

"I need to have an abortion"

Do I want to have an abortion? I don't know. I don't know anything right now. My mind is in shambles. Nothing makes sense. This wasn't planned.

The truth is I was afraid. Afraid that I'd be terrible mother. Afraid that after our deal ends I will never see Rafael again. Afraid that I'm screwing up the job of raising Casey with every step of the way. I know I've put myself in dangerous situation several times because I'm too naive. So how can I raise a child? I can't even take care of myself. I can't do anything right.

"I can get a list of several clinics for you" Alex responded.

"Thank you," I said, my voice felt empty. I was still in shock.

I was about to stand up and leave but something stopped me. Shit. Giovanni.

"Alex" I said, my voice shaky.

"Yes?" Alex asked his eyes started shining with concern when he saw me expression.

"I need a favor"

🔆🔆🔆

As I left the doctor's office with shaky hands I gave a call to the clinic.

"Hello, Dr. Williams Office, this is Emily how may I help you?"

"Hi, I need an abortion. I would like to schedule the appointment"

"Sure, I can help you with that.

I can offer an appointment on Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday. Which day would work better for you?"

"Saturday"

"We have appointments at 8 am or 9 am"

"8 am works. Thank you"

I hung up and went to the car. Giovanni was waiting for two hours for me and I haven't picked up a call from Rafael. From all the nerves it felt like I'm about to throw up again.

"The doctor said I have mild anemia. That's why I fainted. I got meds and I will defines be fine. There's no need to tell Rafael about this" I said to Giovanni the cover story we and Alex agreed on. He didn't really understand why I need to lie. Well, he didn't really know anything about my situation.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell him about this?" Giovanni asked.

"Yes"

"Okay, I'm not gonna force. Just know that he's risking his head here. Literally" Giovanni flinched at the very thought and rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture.

"Thank you, really," I said gratefully. Giovanni nodded and started driving us home.

Did I just say home? I meant Rafael's home.

I couldn't tell Rafael yet. I would, eventually, but now I needed time to process everything. I needed space to think what's my course of action. I don't have to show up at the appointment I just made at the clinic but I needed to know this option is there for me in case I need it. It made me calm down a little.

🔆🔆🔆

I sat at the dinner with Casey, Remi, and Milo. With a heavy heart, I watched the kids getting along great. It was hard to believe how much they hated each other at the beginning and how they treat Casey like a part of their family.

As I was sitting at the table quietly contemplating how cute they were when they're teasing each other I was also deeply hoping that Rafael is not coming back home tonight.

Because I don't know how I'm going to keep a secret from him.

As I heard Casey carefree laugher my heart started hurting. She was happy here, in this house. But when she was living only with me she had two dominating moods: sad or angry. The change in her behavior only convinced me that I am not fit to be a parent. I can't take care of her well how the hell am I suppose to take care of a little baby? This is why abortion was a natural decision for me.

Somehow, the vision of me inheriting my parents' fortune in few months didn't bring me any joy. Now that I knew the moment I turn 21 our lives are going to change once again.

How will Casey react to information about us moving out? Because we can't just stay here. It will break her heart.

"Hey, are you alright?" Milo asked, "You look like you're about to cry"

"Eliana, what's up?" Casey asked, seeing it too.

"Nothing. I'm just tired. I didn't get enough sleep yesterday, it's better if I go lie down now. Goodnight."

I could see them looking at me weirdly but they didn't make any further comment which I was thankful for.

♦ ️ ♦ ️ ♦ ️

I went to my room and sat on the bed for some time. Then lied down and closed my eyes. Trying to come back to the memories of the night after we slept together. I was having fun this one single night and then I was so sure it can stay in the past. I hoped I could add it to the countless things that should've never happened and will never happen again.

This could still be nothing else than a mistake. I just need to get rid of that thing growing in my stomach.

🌑🌑🌑

I woke up feeling Rafael gently stroking my cheek.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice concerned, "Milo said you went to bed early and haven't eaten anything for dinner" Rafael sounded almost... concerned?

"Yes, everything is fine. I'm just tired"

"Why did you go to sleep on an empty stomach?"

"I wasn't hungry"

"Why? Are you feeling sick?"

"No, I'm fine"

"Get up then. We're going out"

"What for? Where?"

"I'm taking you out to dinner"

🔆🔆🔆

Guys,

I don't know when the next update is going to be. I need to rewrite chapters at the beginning of the story to make it clear for people what the deal between Eliana and Rafael is.

Wish me luck 😭