"Kids? You mean the brats we have at home. They're alright I guess" he said calmly, taking a sip of his red wine. Sparks of amusement appeared in his eyes.

"No, I mean kids in general" I was digging my own grave. How do I end this conversation? Shit.

"I don't think about kids in general so I don't have any opinion about them," he said in a neutral voice.

"You never had any thoughts about being a father?"

I need to shut up. What am I talking about? Why am I asking him this?

"Where is this coming from?" Now he was starting to get defensive, shit.

"I'm just curious. Since we're being honest with each other" I said quickly trying to calm my breathing.

It took Rafael a moment to answer. He was serious now.

"I wanted family once. But ever since my little sister died I knew I can't risk it. I can't just bring vulnerable people into my life and hope for the best. That kid and their mother would be always in danger simply because of their connection to me. I don't think I can bear losing anyone, I don't know what I would do if had to come to another funeral of an innocent person who died too soon"

Okay, now I definitely can't tell him.

If Rafael was a normal person I would tell him about the pregnancy. But somehow I knew that the moment I tell him I will lose control of the situation. This is why I had to hide it from him. This is why the words I'm pregnant couldn't pass through my mouth. I remained quiet.

"What about you?" Rafael asked.

"What about me?" I asked dumbly. I was still processing what he said about his sister. Sofie's death had so much impact on his life. It was painful to hear about it.

"Do you want to have kids?"

"No"

Was I lying to him or myself? No. I wasn't lying. I definitely don't want kids.

"Why?"

"I barely can take care of myself. I was failing at taking care of Casey"

"You're too harsh for yourself. After Casey's parents died you were left completely alone and you still had enough strength to start fighting for custody. You definitely did not fail of taking care of Casey. Don't say that Eliana"

I ignored his words as if they couldn't stick in my brain. I felt too much guilt I couldn't explain to acknowledge that he might be right.

"Besides," he said as his brows furrowed "Why are you speaking as if you had to take care of that child alone? It would have a hypothetical father"

"Because of Harvey and Ethan, I have trust issues to put it gently. How can I be sure this person will want to stay with me? Or won't leave me eventually?"

"There's something I've been planning to talk to you about for a while" Rafael said changing the topic.

"What is it?" I asked my anxiety spiked again.

"It's about a deal we've made. Protection in exchange of your company shares"

"What about it?"

"Some things have changed, don't you think?"

Okay smile on Rafael's face made him even more handsome, I wasn't sure how was that possible with him looking pretty amazing already. But I digress.

"What changed?"

He looked at me and his eyes became unnaturally gentle after he saw how nervous I am.

"Don't you think that after the wedding our relationship changed?"

"I barely remember anything from that night," I said drily.

"But you do remember that we slept together"

"More... or less," I said feeling uneasy.

"Christ" Rafael sighted and his palm went straight to his forehead.

"We were both a little drunk that night" I said feeling defensive. "It meant nothing"

"Good to know" his voice grew colder.

"What do you expect from me, Rafael? It was a mistake that won't repeat itself. I felt attracted to you at that specific point in time. That's all but it passed a moment of weakness"

"So what I was just your fucktoy for one night" he summed up, offended.

"If you feel satisfied with this description"

"I do not feel satisfied. Do you know what I think Eliana?"

"You're going to tell me anyway"

"I think you're lying" I lowered my gaze. He was right. But I couldn't admit it. Not now.

"It's been two weeks ago why are you bringing it up now?"

"Because I needed time to think about it and you weren't speaking about it either. And after you have been attacked by that man I realized that I hate to see you hurt not because of all our deal but because-"

"Stop. Can we change the topic?"

"Sure" he agreed easily "I'm just not sure if you will like the topic I have to propose"

"Oh my God. What is it now?"

"It's about your job. You're no longer working there"

I blinked twice then said, very calmly

"Excuse me?" A fork fell out of my hands. "What do you mean?" I asked angrily.

I watched Rafael taking some papers out of his leather briefcase and offering them to me.

"What is this?"

"Job offers"

"What?" I looked at him astounded.

"A few that might suit you"

"Rafael, what do you mean by saying I no longer work? It's my job we're talking about"

"Night shifts are dangerous and Giovanni has already reported to me a few instances where you have been verbally abused and your work there is over. This is not negotiable. You can read these proposals and make decisions or I will choose for you"

"You can't control me"

"I beg to differ"

"But I don't want to change my job"

"I'm not giving you a choice"

"Rafael but don't you see you're so overwhelming! You can't just make a decision for me"

"I just did"

"Job as your assistant?" I said looking at the proposals. "Forget it. I don't want to work for you"

"Noted" Rafael said with amusement.

"You owe a clothing store? How many businesses do you have? "

"Quite a lot, but this one does not belong to me. My friend is hiring. I figured you would like an offer where I won't be your boss directly or indirectly"

"Well, you're right about that"

"I will call him and let you know where can you start"

"Okay. But I don't like that you made the decision for me "

"Is this why you wouldn't let me finish the sentence? I'm controlling. It's just the kind of person I am"

"I don't mind that for most of the time" I admitted quietly not looking at him "mostly because I never feel like I'm in control"

He took my chin in his hand and forced me to look at him. "You know it's nothing wrong with that?"

"What's good in being a person like me? I'd love to know what I want and make decisions that satisfy me and to be able to take care of myself. If I was more like you-"

"I wouldn't love a person like me. I love you for being you" he said and placed a kiss on my lips.

I returned the kiss asking myself what the hell am I going to do now?

🔆🔆🔆

Dear Readers,

Let me know what you think about Eliana, Rafael and their relationship. ❤️