When someone you love dies they always remind you that they're in a better place, their souls are free now, they're complete and totally happy.

They are in a better place.

I want to be in a better place too.

I don't belong to earth anymore, I feel like I have no one and nothing in here since my mom died. I feel empty, and that feeling is just horrible.

I feel like I'm not myself. I feel like there's something missing.

A part of me left when my mom did.

That was five months ago. The doctors said I would be okay, my grandmother said I would be okay too. That life gets better. That God wanted my mom there for a reason. God plans are perfect, she says.

God plans' suck then.

I miss my mom. And you know what's the worst thing? I never told her how much I love her, I didn't stop a second to thank life for my mom.

You know what they say: you don't know what you got until you lose it.

That couldn't be more true.

So here I am, making a decision. Choosing between going to a better place and be with my mom or being alive but not living...

And I made one.

Life is not worth it.

I grabbed my phone, and thought about leaving a text to the only person I talk to besides my grandmother. I quickly remembered that the contact I was writing the message to wasn't her actual one.

So I went to Notes to copy the new number she gave me. I added the new number and proceeded to write the message.

Million thoughts appeared in my mind making me have doubts about sending it, so I just did it before I could regret it.

I sighed deeply. It's time.

Just when I was about to take the pills a notification popped up, she had answered me.

I hesitated between checking it and then do it or just ignoring it.

But the curiosity was killing me. However, the answers I found were unexpected.

💜