《Vincent & Ezra》bonus-ezra's 21st
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I was driving my car, Donnie accompanying me in the passenger seat as we blasted the radio to an old Brittney Spears song.
A true 2000's icon.
We were on our way back home after a late night coffee run, and I was still buzzing from the fact that ten hours earlier I had woke up to find out Vincent bought me an island for my 21st.
We had such a busy day after that, meaning Donnie and I didn't get to do much together. Therefore we settled to visit a coffee shop a little ways from our house to decompress.
I was listening to Donnie sing the chorus, when I saw blue and red flashing lights in my rear view mirror.
oh fuck I can't get another ticket, Vincent may actually murder me.
This has been my third time in the last year getting pulled over, and while that may not sound like that many, I knew Vincent would try and confiscate my license once more, and I was not going through that again.
A young officer, probably about his early 20's walked up the to car with his flashlight, and pecked on my window. I rolled it down and smiled, but he interrupted me before I could talk, "License and registration."
Okay, straight to the point.
I'd been down this path before, so I got my stuff out and handed him the papers, which he ripped out of my hands, making Donnie scoff.
I let it roll off my back as he lowered his head down, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"
I laughed admittedly a little embarrassed, "Oh, yeah I'm sorry, I was a little distracted."
"That shouldn't be the states problem," he shook his head and narrowed his eyes, "You were going almost 20 miles over the limit, and that's a misdemeanor offense. We'll have to take you in."
I frowned, "Are you serious?"
He smirked, obviously getting some weird power trip off this, "I'm afraid so."
Donnie spoke up next to me, his voice raised a few notches, "You're not sorry you prick, you're doing this on purpose asswipe, you're smiling!"
One thing led to another, so now both Donnie and I were sitting in a jail cell with the cuffs on way to tight, and the cop taking his sweet ass time letting me get my phone call. The minute he finally gave me the okay, I dialed Vin's number and as soon as I heard his deep voice the tears started, "Vinnie?"
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He spoke immediately, "Ezra, what's wrong? Why are you calling me from a different number?"
My tears fell even harder, "I was going over the speed limit, and I got pulled over," I choked again, "And the douche bag cop arrested Donnie and I."
The officer heard my insult, and hit his baton on the metal of the bars, making me jump slightly. Donnie began yelling again, and Vincent spoke, "Did that cop just do what I think he did?"
"Mhm," I wiped my eyes, and he spoke again, "Which station are you at."
I could tell he was restraining himself, and I didn't want to upset him so I tried to calm myself down, and speak without crying, "I'm in the sheriffs office right off central."
"Okay baby, let me talk to the officer."
I held the phone up getting the officers attention, "My husband wants to talk to you."
The officer rolled his eyes with a huff, and transferred the call to the phone connected to his desk, "Officer Greg speaking."
Officer dick more like it
He furrowed his eyebrows for a moment before tensing, and I could only imagine the shit Vincent was saying to this guy. He hung up a moment later, and looked at me and sneered, "I'm going to flatten some sense into your husband when he walks his smug ass in here."
Donnie and I let out a chuckle, and the douche bag cop tried to continue on, but we just ignored it. Thing is, we both knew he had about half an hour max of air left in his lungs, so I decided to let him have this.
No more than ten minutes later, an older man wearing cookie pajamas came rushing into the station, frantically searching his eyes around.
I sat a little taller, oh this shit is gonna be good.
His eyes locked on mine and he ran a hand through his hair, looking at me, "Is he here yet?"
I shook my head and the man put a hand on the desk while hunching over, "I think I'm going to be sick, I haven't moved this fast in thirty years."
I started to laugh, and a second later I heard a door bang and heavy footsteps approaching.
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Vincent walked into the room with a man behind him, a security guard I knew to be Cesar, and Vin's eyes immediately found mine.
He walked over to the man in the cookie pajamas, and placed his hand on the back of his head, yanking what little hair he had left, "You have five seconds to get her out of that cell before my foots goes so far up your asshole it'll knock your dentures out."
Vincent let go and the man stumbled a little before regaining balance, then began yelling at officer dick, who then took a step back, "Sheriff Johnson, what's going on here?"
"Get that woman and her friend out of that cell this instant!"
He narrowed his eyes, "What?! No way, she was a fucking disrespectful bitch!"
I did nothing!
Vincent walked closer to him, speaking in an eerily calm tone, "I'll be dealing with you in a moment."
The man in the pajamas, aka Sheriff Johnson, stormed over the unlocked the cell door. Once it fell open, I walked right into Vincent's as he held his arms out for me. I stuffed my head in his chest, and continued my blubbering. Donnie came up behind me, rubbing my back in a soothing motion.
For what reason was I continually crying, you may be asking? I had happened to be pregnant with our second baby.
I heard Johnson in the background, scolding officer Dick, "You will turn in your badge and gun effective immediately."
He began taking his stuff off, and the Sheriff turned back around, a frightened look on his face, "My sincerest apologies Don, he's new and doesn't understand-"
Vincent shook his head, "It's not you who owes me an apology, but an apology is owed from the careless officer to my wife."
Officer Dick sat up straighter, "I'm not apologizing for shit. Her and that boy were acting like cunts, they are lucky I didn't curb stomp them."
"Very well," Vincent spoke, signaling Cesar to come closer, "If you don't use your tongue to apologize to my wife, you will lose privilege of it all together."
I could tell Officer dick thought he was bluffing as he let out a scoff, "You're going to assault an
on duty officer in front of the Sheriff?"
Vincent looked back at Cesar, before answering out a stern, "Go."
In one swift motion, Cesar grabbed officer dicks face very harshly, slamming his head down onto the desk. He maneuvered his hand up, and forcefully opened his jaw, cracking it open in the process.
Oh fuck.
The officer started screaming and kicking as Cesar pulled his tongue so far out of his face I thought it might tear. He then pulled out a knife, cutting the muscle out all together.
Once it was dropped on the floor, I covered my mouth in order to stop my vomit, and turned around trying to regulate my breathing. Donnie was watching from beside me in horror as the scene unfolded.
Never thought I'd see someone be de-tongued on my birthday.
Vincent spoke again, "You should've been a little more grateful over the fact that you were only going to lose your tongue tonight," He crouched down to the bloody mouthed man, "Now, you've lost your eye privileges as well."
He began to squirm again, as Vincent reached his hand up for the knife, and Cesar planted it in his palm. He reached down and held the bloody man's face shaking face, then quickly plunged the knife into his eye socket, twisting it around.
The man died before Vincent could pluck his other eye, which was a slight disappointment to Vincent.
Freakin' weirdo, let me tell you.
He then tuned back to me, "I'm going to keep his eyeballs as a warning to anyone who thinks they can fuck with you."
I let out a smile thinking he was joking, but turned out he wasn't, and really did keep the man's eyes ball.
I smiled at him, wrapping my arms around his torso as he looked over at Johnson, "Clean this shit up," and the man quickly nodded, "And if this happens again, you're being held accountable." He told Johnson, who vigorously nodded his head.
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