“Not knowing how to think

I scream aloud, begin to sink

My legs and arms are broken down

With envy for the solid ground

I'm reaching for the life within me

How can one man stop his ending?

I thought of just your face

Relaxed, and floated into space.”

---

Have you ever experienced hits so hard that knock the breathe out of you and make stars dance in front of your eyes. Hits that make you choke on your own breathe and your heart halts for a second.

You feel like you've lost your legs and you just keep falling.

That's how I felt when something slammed on my back, making me fall on my knees.

Claws scratched my back and I hissed as I felt the sting of sharp nails digging into my skin.

Fight, Olivia. Fight. The voice said in my head and suddenly a newfound energy surged in my body that I had never felt before.

It was like it wasn't mine. Something inside me was supplying me the energy and courage.

Using it, I turned around and punched the wolf in it's snout. Luckily, the rogue hadn't expected me to expect, so he was caught off guard.

I punched him on his eyes and he howled, stumbling away. The distraction was enough to let me escape from under him.

But I knew better than trying to run. Because he'll always be faster and I don't think I could take another blow on my back without fracturing my spine.

Stay there, you can fight. The voice guided me.

But how? I asked.

No answer came which frustrated me.

I blinked hard as my eyesight became hazy. Dark spots were appearing in my vision. My back stung. He had probably clawed deep. My hands shook uncontrollably and my heart was getting slower.

Looking up at the sky, the sun shone overhead. It's brilliance dazed me further and I swayed, my energy and sight going away.

I couldn't afford to pass out. Especially not when the rogue was on his foot and was approaching me with predator steps.

But my body was giving out and my senses were fading.

With blurry vision, I saw him approaching me as he growled and I reached my hands out for something to hold onto

But there wasn't anything and I was falling.

My eyes rolled back into my pockets as gravity pulled me backwards and my back touched the ground as my head banged onto the rocky floor.

A last breath left my throat and I was sure, I was so sure that this is the end. This is where everything ends.

I closed mouth and squeezed my eyes, smile graced my lips as I thought of the beautiful days. I thought about my parents, my childhood, my friends, Ryder, and to an extent, even Chance.

I thought about everything and anything that made me happy and I started feeling energized again.

I thought that the energy I got was because of the power good memories hold, but those doubts were cleared when my arms and legs started burning.

My eyes shot open and a shrill scream left my lips. The monster was right in front of me with his claws swinging towards my face.

Involuntarily, my arm raised to catch his and I threw him off in the other direction as if he weighed nothing.

As if possessed, my body stood up on it's own and my senses got sharpened. I looked down at my hands to see them extending into claws and a gasped escaped my lips as I realized what was happening.

I was shifting!

A howl left my throat instead of a scream and the fur rose up from my back as my clothes started tearing off into shreds since the wolf form was emerging from within.

Fingers turned into claws, foot turned into paws and nose turned into a snout as my entire body emerged into something different and extraordinarily furry.

The rogue stood up with difficulty after I had thrown him into another direction.

He looked shocked as I shifted in front of him.

Extreme pain caused me dizziness as the bones in my body broke their joints, moved and reformed. New joints were made as older ones were removed. The muscles were crushed and replaced by new ones as I no longer stood on two legs but was on my fours.

A howl reverberated in the air as I ran towards him with an increased fervour in my body.

Pouncing on top of him in claws his shoulder and neck and he howled, trying to push me off but I was stronger and faster.

I was able.

Using my sharp teeth, I bit his neck and tore the skin of his neck off, making him bleed and his nerves rupture.

Using my claws, I dig into the wound, withdrawing as much blood as possible.

The last sound I heard from him was a whimper of plea before he died in front of my own eyes.

Shocked at myself, I pushed away, I couldn't believe this.

I killed someone.

If I was in my human form, I would have passed out from shock by now.

I caused a death.

Someone was killed by my hands.

My hands were red with someone's blood.

I looked down at my bloodied paws, as I realized something.

My wolf was brutal. And she wasn't stopping.

Brown wolves are most common in werewolf world. Then, comes the Auburn wolves that are Katherine and her family. Then, the second most rare wolves are black wolves after which white wolves are the rarest. The purest.

White wolves were believed to be the ones who are pure at heart and soul.

I am a white wolf.

I was supposed to be pure and kind.

Yet, I just killed someone. My white fur was stained with red blood.

I couldn't believe it. What have I done? How did I let myself lose control that way?

Disappointed in myself, I shifted back into my human, which was quite easy, all you have to do is shift the control from your wolf to your human and think about yourself in human form and your body shifts back.

Transition from wolf to human is relatively less painful but it still, hurts.

Nowadays, it always hurts.

Walking back to the school, I grabbed some clothes from the bin placed on every corner of the school for the students that come in their wolf form from the pack house and I noticed that there were a heavy amount of pack warriors and border patrol escorting the children out.

"What happened?" I asked, a little out of breath as I ran towards them.

One of the warriors looked at me. I recognized him as a Reece's cousin.

"The rogues left, but the students are scared out of their wits. We are sending them home. The school is declared to stay closed for a week."

I gulped. "Was there.... Was anyone killed?"

He frowned and shook his head.

"No, but why weren't you in the school?"

"I tried to escape," I said as I walked away. I knew he had to say more but I wasn't in a mood to answer. Nor did I have the energy.

No one was killed. And school was closed for a week.

Those two were definitely good news.

I ALWAYS thought that shifting would be the happiest day of my life when I'd find someone amazing inside me.

But I didn't know how to feel.

I didn't know how to think about it because I have never felt so out of control.

I was confused. Will I always stay like this? Disconnected to my wolf and myself in the wolf form or will I gain more control with time? Will I be compatible with my inner wolf? Will this get better? Did I do the right thing?

I had so many questions but no one to answer.

Who could I ask? Who could I talk to? There was no one.

Andrew isn't a werewolf and at this point, I don't even know where he is.

His phone isn't reachable and the only reassurance I have is a text he sent me saying that he's okay.

But I needed to hear his voice.

Sighing, I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes.

Sleep was coming to me and I was forgetting all of my worries while drifting out in slumber when the door of my room was slammed open and I jumped up in surprise.

Sensitive hearing isn't good. I could already tell that.

Before I could scream at whoever disturbed me, I saw a random pack member standing on my door with a hasty expression.

"The Alpha has called everyone for a meeting. Those rogues left a message for the pack," he said and left, leaving me confused with empty lungs and wide eyes.