“You better lose yourself in the music,

the moment

You own it, you better never let it go You only get one shot,

Do not miss your chance to blow

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.”

Patricia shifted as she was running towards her mate. The panic and impatience, almost desperation on her face was enough to tell me how much she loved her mate.

Afterall she has spent and invested so many years of her life in this hell hole just to find her. And now she finally has.

But her mate's in danger.

I have faith in her though. I know she'll be able to rescue her.

Halfway, I stopped and realised that I would be of little to no help if just go like this.

Because, I can't even shift right now. I can't​ feel my wolf. I don't know if she's there.

The thought and realisation pained my heart but I decided to swallow it and not concentrate on that for now.

I had to have some sort of weapon with me to counteract my lack of shifting abilities. Turning to the side and looking around me, I saw an injured— apparently dead, guard or warrior— whatever you'd like to call him. He was holding a sword in his hand.

I could just go there and pick that sword up. But the problem was that the sword was stained with blood. Like it had been used to stab someone.

I hate blood. The site of that made me nauseous. Chances were that the blood was on the handle of the sword too. I had all the reasons to not go there and pick it.

But then, I had some reasons to do that as well.

For me, those reasons weighed heavier than my reasons. I had promised myself to overcome my fears and come out of my comfort zone. I had killed a man, and I had decided to join a war. I was already doing so much to make myself stronger. Maybe this was the next time. Maybe moon goddess is setting stepping stones for me to go higher and higher till I become stronger than I aspire to be.

So I walked forward and took the sword in my hand. It was heavy. But what lay heavier on me was my conscious.

I knew, that this might not be something big in someone else's eyes. But for me, it was another step ahead.

I ran back to where Patricia had ran only to see a Auburn wolf with white patches on fur and tail fighting with a brown wolf with black spots.

The Auburn one was definitely Patricia. I could tell that. She had red eyes too, because technically, she too, is a rogue.

Auburn meant loyalty and white meant kindness. Both suited her.

The two wolves fought back and forth and I didn't really see any need to interfere just yet because Patricia seemed to handling it quite well. I might even ruin things for her if I go at the wrong time, so I decided to stand a little close to them, but not too close. Just enough to be able to attack if needed.

My eyes averted to the side towards a rather tiny looking girl who had doe-eyes. She looked so thin and frail like she had not been fed for days. Her hands were bony and weak and her cheeks were shrunken. But she was still so beautiful. With big blue eyes and freckles running down her nose. But something about her made my blood run cold.

It was the look in her eyes. She looked like an insecure rat, scared of the world. She has rolled herself into a tiny ball, sinking into the ground, afraid that someone would touch her and she'd crumple.

She was too a prisoner under Keith like I was. She too had went through all the torture that I had. Even more than me if possible, because she's been taken for years.

Had I stayed here for that long, I would have become weak too. Because the amount of food they feed us is not sufficient. And it's enough to make us survive, but it makes us fragile and weak.

My heart clenched when I looked at her. Had Keith done that to her too...?

The thought made me suck in a deep breath because I couldn't breathe for a second. I wanted to believe that it wasn't​ possible. But I knew it was. Sick people like him stoop down to extents we can't even think of.

In that moment, I had a little sense of pride in myself to have killed the monster who had hurt so many for his selfish means. In that moment, I felt confident in myself because I had managed to finally do something worthwhile and because maybe I was the reason this girl could finally be set free.

My instincts told me to go to the girl and comfort her but a low, pained whimper coming for a wolf made me turn back to Patricia and I saw that the wolf she was fighting with had managed to scratch her stomach and she was bleeding a little.

My eyes widened. And tightened​ the grip around my sword. I silently ran around to the back of the wolf, my plan was to attack it when it couldn't see.

I was behind him and he was approaching Patricia when I raised my sword. I was about to stab him when arms circled around my waist and I was pulled back.

I screamed but the person places a hand over my mouth, silencing me.

I struggled against the hand, trying to hurt the person with the sword when they hissed in my ear.

"Don't struggle! It's just me." I gasped as I identified that voice to belong to Katherine but simultaneously my nerves calmed too.

"I can't I have to save her," I said through gritted teeth as I tried to free myself but she tightened her steel grip.

"Wait." She muttered and in that exact moment, a black pure wolf came with a lightening speed and slammed into Patricia's attacker, killing him by snapping his neck.

My mouth hung open at how fast everything happened. I looked at the black wolf to see his icy blue eyes and identified him in a second.

Lupus.

Katherine backed away and removed her grip from me, but she was still standing close.

Lupus walked towards me, but I didn't move forward.

Seeing their faces brought relief to me. But not joy.

Seeing them I was glad that Alissa will be safe. But I didn't feel so safe with them anymore.

In my eyes, they all were late. Too late. I had waited so long. I had cried and fought for them. I had counter nights and slept on rocks.

They were far too late. I would have escaped had they not come. But I am still thankful. But having saved my friend. I am thankful for them.

I have bitter blood now though. I am a sour heart towards them. And not to mention, I don't trust anyone of them.

I don't trust anyone. Period.

Voices from my left made me avert my eyes there to see that Lupus hadn't come alone. He had brought a dozen of rogues with him who were trying to follow him.

Katherine moved in front of me as soon as we saw them.

I didn't want that. I wanted to fight for myself.

I took a quick look around to see that no one else from our pack was visible. Had they come alone?

Simultaneously, Katherine's brother— Mason also appeared as he attacked a rogue from behind.

Another rogue tried to attack Mason, and it was like an indication for Katherine to finally shift.

She did, and her Auburn wolf didn't take long before pouncing over the wolf who had been after her brother.

And just like that, the fight began.

It was like a dozen of them and the 4 of us. With one of them— me— being unshiftable.

"Come with me," Patricia's voice said from behind me and I turned around to see her in human form, wearing a shirt she got from God knows where.

"Oh my goddess​, you're okay?" I whispered, walking with her behind a tree because I felt like she needed me.

She nodded and I checked​ her for any apparent injuries. Her stomach was apparently almost healed and she looked alright. Like the strong girl she is.

"I'm okay, but you're out of your mind if you think that you can fight admist these people." She said, suddenly.

Her rawness surprised me and I won't​ lie and say that I didn't feel offended and hurt.

Maybe it was written all over my face as her expressions turned apologetic at once.

"Look, I didn't mean to be rude." She said immediately. "I just, I don't think it is okay for you to go in that danger. Werewolves are always weaker in their human forms and you can't shift right now..."

Her eyes casted downwards like it saddened her to mention that and I looked away clenching my jaw.

"So what? I can still do something. I can atleast try!" I said, trying to defend the shreds of self esteem I want left with.

"You can try but that would be suicidal." She argued. "Do you see those people, Olivia? They are lethal. They are ruthless and hungry for blood. They'll kill you and not think once. You sure can try but they won't try. They'd do it. Your hands might shake once but theirs won't."

"BUT I CAN'T JUST SIT AROUND ONCE MORE!" I cut her off. "I am tired of feeling useless. I am tired of being felt like a burden."

"Do you know how it feels like? To be not be able to protect yourself?" My voice cracked and I almost couldn't speak because my heart clenched so hard. I gasped, trying to breathe.

"Do you know how it is like to have to sit around and let torture happen to yourself just because you're too weak to fight? Do you know how it is like to know that you're useless and you have to rely on others to protect yourself? Do you realise how self loathing it is? For the time that I was in there," I said, pointing at the building I was held hostage in for days. "Every single day, every single hour, every single second of those days— all I could think about was what if I was capable enough of saving myself."

"I am not doing this to help my pack, alright. I know they'll do good without me. I know they're able to fight. I am doing this for myself. For the little remains of self esteem and self respect I am left with. Because if I don't do this. And because if today I turn my back around without​ fighting, I'll lose myself forever. I'll lose any belief if myself and I'll never be able to love myself again."

"But Olivia—" she began and I cut her off by shaking my head.

"Please, Patricia." I whispered, a tear slipping from my eye. "Please let me do this little favour on myself. Let me do this. Let me prove me to myself. If I stand and watch today, I'll regret it my entire life. I don't care if I die. I have no one to live for anyway. But if I die, I want to die a respectful death. Fighting for my dignity. Don't​ try to stop me. Don't call me back now."

"You killed Keith." She said. "Isn't it enough?"

"No it's not." I said truthfully. "Don't ask me to be rational today, Pat. Let me be irrational. Let me go out there and get some wounds. Let me see myself heal like werewolves do. Let me feel that adrenaline rush. Let me live like a werewolf for once. I want to fight this one alone."

She didn't look convinced and was about to say something but in that instant I saw the bushes move behind her and four rogues suddenly appeared from behind her.

Gasping, I screamed. "Patricia! Look out!"

Her eyes widened and she turned around, I tried to hide her behind me and come in front of her but everything happened so fast.

She tried to shift but a wolf slammed into her before she could do that and he clawed her neck, making her bleed in a second.

"No!" I screamed, immediately raising my sword as I stabbed that wolf from behind, killing him right there.

The three other wolves were now before me and I had to fight them despite the urge to run to Patricia and check if she was okay.

A brown wolf pounced towards me, his paws hitting my shoulders as I was thrown towards the ground.

But before I hit the rocky gravel, I drew my sword through his heart, killing him too.

I tried to stand up, with I felt a sharp pain in my leg and I looked down to realise that he had not only claws my shoulder, but also he had made my leg bleed.

"Shit." I cursed, trying to stand up, with the support of a tree but it was difficult as my legs kept shaking. I had not eaten properly in days, and I guess my body was not keeping up with the exhaustion.

After I had killed the second wolf, the other two decided to attack together as they started running towards me.

Colors drained from face as I stood, taking the trees support when the wolves approached me.

My sword was on the floor and I didn't have enough energy to pick it up and then get back up again. I didn't have time to make a decision.

The black one out of them ran at an exceptional speed and slammed his head to my side with a high force and I was sent flying towards where Patricia was lying.

I heard a crack as soon as I landed on the ground and a cry escaped my lips making me realise that I had broken my elbow bone.

I tried to stand up again though, using my other hand, but I was so slow and exhausted but the wolves were so much faster.

I watched with tear filled eyes as they stood surrounding us with a triumphant look on their face.

I sucked in a deep breath. I knew the end was near. But I didn't regret this.

I didn't regret this one bit.

Atleast I'll know that I died fighting. I broke some bone, killed some enemies and my blood was shed. I had been a real werewolf and I had made my family feel proud by representing the pack in a war. I had finally done something for myself. I was proud.

So I sat half up, and held my elbow in my other hand as I brought a smile on my face.

My eyes averted towards Patricia who still laid on the ground, unconscious, her eyes were closed but I hoped she was breathing.

I wanted to check, but i didn't have time.

So I decided to do the most selfless thing I think I could. I threw myself over her body to save her from the attacks.

That's the most I could.

If I am dead and they still want to kill her after killing me, then that would just be my bad luck.

But I had to do all I could.

I know Patricia never asked for my help. And maybe my help didn't mean that much either.

But I had never asked for help either, and yet she had helped me.

And that had meant so much.

So as I laid on top of my only friend, I closed my eyes, waiting for the attack to happen. Waiting for them to claw my heart or snap my neck.

I was not afraid.

I ready for death.

But apparently, death wasn't​ ready for me.

Because I never felt the pounce or the attack and a few seconds passed, making me crawl away from her and look behind me to see that those two remaining rogues were actually dead.

And near their dead bodies stood a silver wolf with two distinctive stripes I remember to have belonged to only wolf.

Ferox. Ryder's wolf.

I was surprised. To see him there. I had thought that he'd never come back after leaving for Alaska.

Ferox saw me and immediately started running towards me but I wasn't looking at him.

My eyes immediately went to Patricia, to check her pulse and breathe.

Her neck was still bleeding and it hadn't healed much, making me worry.

"Pat..." I whispered, my eyes already filling with tears as with shaky hands, I started checking her pulse.

I tried it on her wrist and when I felt nothing, I panicked even more

My heartbeat got faster till it hurt me as I tried to catch her pulse on her neck.

Again, I felt nothing.

I tried and tried, I checked her breath and again felt nothing.

"No.." I whispered, shaking my head hardly, I didn't want to believe this.

I refused to think this is true.

This can't be true.

"Patricia you have to wake up." I wailed, shaking her shoulder.

"PATRICIA!" I screamed, my desperation reaching it's peak.

"Livy, what happened?" A soft voice said from behind me and I turned my head to the side to see Ryder looking down at me with sorrowful eyes.

"She's not waking up..." I whispered, my eyes filling up with hot tears.

I didn't want to believe​ that I had lost her. I wanted to live in denial.

But the look and sorrow in Ryder's eyes was forcing me to see the truth and I didn't like it.

So I looked away and I continued shaking her, hoping for her to wake up and laugh at me, and tell me that this was a prank.

But she never woke up and seconds turned into minutes.

I cried.

And then I cried some more.

Alissa walked out from where Patricia had probably asked her to wait for her and when she saw her mate lying on the ground like this, the look in her eyes...

The look in her eyes is something I'll probably​ never forget.

My fault.

Those words rang in my ears.

It was all my fault. I told myself again and again.

She had brought me here because she was worried about me and I couldn't save her.

I couldn't save her.

I failed her. Again. I failed myself.

Alissa didn't cry and her silence was what made me heart hurt even more as she just walked towards us and sat on the ground next to Patricia.

Her hands were shaking as she took Patricia's head and placed it on her lap.

Her eyes were wide. Probably in shock. Her palm unsteady, as she caressed Patricia's forehead lovingly.

Her lips began to quiver. She caressed ever inch of her mate's face for a few minutes before she finally, finally broke down.

Her cries weren't silent like mine.

She cried out loud as she hugged her mate to herself. She cried like everything inside her died and like she was hollow again.

Her entire body shook with tears and it hurt me to see her like this. I wanted to comfort her but I couldn't even meet her eye.

Had it not been for me, her mate would have been alive today.

My tears didn't stop either.

​In that moment I knew that something inside me had truly died along with Patricia and I knew that it was never coming back again, like I won't ever get my friend back again. Not matter how hard I'll try.

Because there are somethings that are just out of our control.