《Kings of Hawkings [bxb]》Chapter 11
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Jonas slept through the evening and into the night. When it was late, they kicked out all of the others from their dorm. Hugh retired to the room and glanced at the direction of sleeping figure. He striped down to his boxers, stumbling a little because of how dark it was in the room. He cursed when he tipped over his shoes, but made his way to Jonas' bed and crawled in. Jonas automatically pulled Hugh next to his body and stirred a little.
"Night, sweetheart." Hugh whispered.
However, his content smile fell when he noticed that Jonas wasn't breathing as calmly as he was just a moment ago He was suddenly extremely quiet and every muscle was strained. Jonas' hands were tight around Hugh, but there was a slight tremor.
"Jo, are you ok?"
No answer.
"Jonas?"
When Hugh said his full name Jonas flinched and pulled away from Hugh hastily, slamming his back against the wall.
Hugh tried to understand the reaction and cursed that he couldn't see Jonas' expression because of the dark. And then he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach as he remembered the lamp on the desk. He moved frantically, falling out of the bed with a loud thud. He ignored the pain and fumbled over to the desk until he found the lamp and turned it on. The room lit up with the warm glow. However, Hugh felt no comfort seeing it because of the state Jonas was in.
Jonas' back was pressed against the wall and his knees were bent and folded into his chest. He was hunched over, head on his knees, and his hands gripping his hair. He was rocking a little and trembling.
Hugh knelt next to the bed in front of Jonas. "Jo, sweetheart. I am so sorry about the light."
But his only answer was shuddering breaths.
"Jo, I turned it on now. You're ok now." He tired again.
No one understood why Jonas snapped and became the Wolf. They didn't know how it started, and Hugh only started to see through the cracks. Jonas always had an animal inside of him, like a defense mechanism. He didn't just break. He had been cracking for years, wearing a thinning mask. He was so fragile, that one small nudge pushed him over the edge.
He had been familiar with his father's hand since he was very young. His father would have phases of aggression. He would be tolerable for a while, and then his anger would build until he would want to lash out. Jonas believed he was taking the brunt of the anger, but he caught his father hit his younger brother, Eli.
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Ever since he was 5, he took care of Eli. He would make sure he brushed his teeth, got ready for school, completed his homework, and even packed his lunch. Eli had always been his priority. So the day he saw his father raise his hands to his precious brother, he picked up a vase and attacked his father. That was the first night he ended locked in the dark basement.
From then on, he paid attention to the phases. When his father would reach his boiling point, Jonas would funnel his anger towards himself. Broken glasses, a bad grade in school, talking back. Jonas tried every means to draw attention to himself. Then he would always end up in the basement after a thorough thrashing.
But after the beatings, his father's aggression meter would be reset and they would find months of peacefulness. To help protect himself, he learned how to fight at Chuck's gym at an early age. He conditioned himself to be accustomed to taking a punch, but also learned how to move and absorb the force of a punch. He minimized the damage received.
Thinking it would be the best route, he tried to keep his father calm. He changed everything about himself and turned into "Joey", the popular co-captain of the track team. He brought home pretty girls with an influential family to impress his father. He befriended someone like Lukas whose family was in politics. He was studied relentlessly, becoming the model student, top of his class, and St. Vincent's Elite. He was what everyone wanted to be, but it was never enough to stay out of the basement. It never sated his father's aggression.
When he finally broke down and became the Wolf, their interactions worsened. Jonas no longer waited for the full phase of his father's aggression cycle and they tended to antagonize each other. His father never punished him long enough that he would miss school before, but last year he suddenly had numerous 'sick days' from school. He seemed to have visited the basement more frequently than his own bed. He only passed his school year because he still got the grades to be a top student.
Soon his father realized that he didn't need to hit him in hidden places because everyone blamed his injuries on Jonas's frequent fights. Because of this, the rumors of the Wolf became exaggerated. Not only was he the terrifying wolf, but he was an insane delinquent who sought out brawls. But in reality, he was just protecting his brother the only way he knew how. He accepted the broken friendships and the constant injuries.
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He could tolerate the pain, but the basement was the true torture.
Jonas' voice was broken. "...Sorry... let me out... please..."
Hugh cautiously approached Jonas and started to lightly run his fingers through Jonas' hair. He brushed his hands on top of Jonas' clenched hands until they started to relax a little.
"Jo, you're not there anymore. You're safe. You're with me now."
He continued to tell him these things over and over while running his hands through his hair, or rubbing his back. He continued this for at least half an hour but never stopped trying to coax him out of his state.
"Jo, listen to my voice, sweetheart. I'm going to ask you some questions. You ready?"
Jonas shuddered but didn't protest.
"Can you tell me where you are right now." Hugh said quietly.
His voice was an unsteady whisper. "The dorms. Our room."
"Good. What do you hear?"
Jonas was silent. "Your voice, your breath. Music?"
Hugh nodded. "That's real good. Can you tell me what you see?"
Jonas slowly lifted his head from his knees. His face was pale and his eyes were red. He was embarrassed to see Hugh right in front of him, smiling kindly.
"You." Jonas said quietly.
Hugh noticed that his body had relaxed a lot more. "Good, sweetheart. Are you with me now?" His voice was low and gentle. When Jonas nodded, Hugh's hands reached up and started to rub Jonas' temples.
After a while, he moved his hands down, and took one of Jonas' hand and started to massage it. He used his thumbs to work up and down his arm and then moved to the other hand.
"You were tense for a while, so your muscles must be aching right now. Especially after your practice with Chuck" Hugh explained patiently. Jonas didn't say anything or fought him. He just watched Hugh work on his muscles.
Hugh was still focusing on rubbing down Jonas and did not look at his face. He knew Jonas was probably embarrassed and wanted him to become comfortable again.
"My sister has some pretty rough nightmares. She has woken up in the middle of the night screaming before. I found that asking her questions like that helps ground her her. Massaging her also relieves her tension and gets her right back to sleep. She's a sweetheart and amazingingly kind. The complete opposite of me."
He continued to talk about his sister in a low voice, paying attention to Jonas' demeanor. He never asked about the breakdown or what memory he was lost in.
When Jonas seemed to calm down a little, Hugh helped him out of his shirt and pants that he still had one from practice. When he was in his boxers, Hugh helped him lay back in bed. He climbed in afterwards and pulled Joans towards him, making him lay on his chest.
"Hugh... I'm..." Jonas tired to speak but didn't know what to say. He has had these attacks before, but they always were much worse than this. He never had anyone pull him out of that mental state. He didn't know if he should try to explain or apologize.
Hugh pressed a comforting palm on Jonas' back and held him a little tighter. "You don't have to say anything. Just focus on your breathing." His voice was a whisper and his breath brushed across Jonas' hair.
He felt an unfamiliar comfort with Hugh. He never tried to show his weaknesses or vulnerabilities to anyone, and now a boy who knew him for just two days was holding and comforting him.
But something was different about Hugh. Jonas didn't know how to explain it, and he had been trying all day to figure it out. There was a warmth in his chest when he looked at Hugh. When he touched him, he would feel electricity shoot up from his fingertips to his shoulder. But more perplexing was the utter calm he felt in his presence. It frightened him a little because these feelings were foreign. Earlier in the day, Jonas thought about rejecting his feelings and growing attachments, pulling away from everyone around him, including Hugh.
It was internal battle, but at this moment he wanted nothing more to let go of his fear and take down the walls. He wanted to give in to his vulnerabilities.
Jonas wrapped around the Hugh's bare torso, trying to convey his overwhelming emotions. He took a deep breath. He didn't understand his feelings, but he knew he just wanted to give in.
Hugh hummed as a reply to Jonas' strong hold, and rubbed his back with his fingertips and stayed up to ensure that Jonas fell asleep.
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